Category: Reflections for Servant Leaders

David experienced much pain and difficulty in his life, but he also experienced deep and sustaining joy, some of which he expressed in Psalm 33. ¹ Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him. ² Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre. ³ Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. ²⁰ We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. ²¹ In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. ²² May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you (Psalm 33:1-3; 20-22).

All servant leaders can learn to lead with joy from David’s instruction.

Joy should be recognized. David recognized his joy and invited others to join him with singing! The emotion of joy is easier to recognize since it is not usually considered a ‘negative’ or bad emotion. Most people do not struggle to know that they are feeling good!

But David helps servant leaders understand that joy is more than having a good day. He recognizes that joy does not come because of outward circumstances but from a conscious decision to focus on God’s goodness. He says, “In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.” This helps servant leaders recognize that joy can be experienced in any stage of the journey, even in the midst of other conflicting emotions.

Servant leaders learn to experience joy by focusing on God’s goodness in their lives and leadership.

Joy should be revealed. David’s instruction is for everyone to sing and “shout for joy.” Joy is to be expressed, not hidden! Some personalities have no trouble revealing their joy, it is part of their expressive nature. But other personalities are so restrained that even when they are joyful, no one else knows about it!

David invites all leaders to reveal their joy in singing! Songs of praise reveal joy and servant leaders express their joy with singing. But singing also produces joy. So when servant leaders need more joy they also sing!

Servant leaders learn to stop and celebrate, expressing joy and inviting others to join them. Like David, they lead by calling people to sing with joy.

Joy should be restrained. In the midst of David’s expressions of joy he acknowledged that he was waiting on the Lord and requested God to bless them with His “unfailing love.” His expression of joy did not mean denial of the needs which were also present. He did not allow his emotion to overlook reality. Some leaders focus so much on being positive that they do not admit realities.

David showed restraint. Servant leaders recognize the need for self-control in how they allow emotions to impact their leadership. They learn to be vulnerable and express emotions like joy. This allows them to be fully human as they lead, and emotion influences their leadership. But they don’t allow their emotion to control their leadership. They learn to balance feeling and thinking. Before making a decision, they seek to acknowledge their emotions, but they also separate facts from feelings.

Servant leaders are also able to restrain their own joy in order to connect with the emotion of those who are hurting. Servant leaders are aware of and sensitive to the needs of others around them, especially those who may be going through pain or struggle. This may call for some restraint in how they express their joy. But they also serve those who hurt by appropriately expressing their joy and inviting others to sing even in their pain. Gently, by their example of expression and restraint, they invite others to experience joy that is greater than the challenges of life.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Read David’s entire chapter, Psalm 33. What additional insights does this give me on the emotion of joy?
• If I am not experiencing joy, is it because I am focused on my circumstances instead of God’s goodness? How can I learn from this Psalm to change my focus?
• Do I easily express my joy or do I find it difficult to reveal this emotion?
• Am I aware of and sensitive to the needs of those I lead who are experiencing pain? Am I most likely to ignore their pain and keep rejoicing, or to silence my own joy?
• If I lead in an environment where singing is not an appropriate or accepted expression of joy, how can I invite the people to express joy?

 

David is known as “a man after God’s own heart” for many reasons. But I believe that one of the reasons is because he was able to appropriately express to God a wide range of emotions. We’ll look at some of David’s emotions from the book of Psalms and consider what they mean for leaders.

First, consider David’s emotion when his own son, Absalom, turned against him and he was fleeing for his life. ⁷ Arise, Lord! Deliver me, my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked. ⁸ From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people (Psalm 3:7-8).

David didn’t walk calmly out of Jerusalem; he was angry! All leaders will experience the emotion of anger and David gives an example to servant leaders of how to lead with anger.

Anger should be recognized. It is not difficult to recognize that David is angry; he makes no attempt to hide his feelings. After a lifetime of seeking to serve God as a leader, he was running away from a son. His anger was real. If he was leading today he might say, “God, punch my enemies in the face, knock their teeth out!” Servant leaders learn to recognize their anger. They realize that anger is an emotion that we all experience. The emotion itself can be good or bad. Often we are angry because we feel hurt or wronged. Repentance is the appropriate response. At other times, leaders may be angry because of injustice or sin. In this case, anger reflects God’s heart and should lead us to obedient action.

Many leaders try to hide their anger, especially those who, like me, have believed that the emotion itself is a sin. They may call it something else that seems less sinful. They might admit that they are “annoyed” or “upset” but the truth is that they are angry! When anger is not recognized, it cannot be handled appropriately. Recognition of anger is not sin; denial is!

Anger should be revealed. David revealed his anger, and recorded it so that we can still examine it thousands of years later! Thankfully, David did not try to hide his emotion as many leaders do. There are many ways to reveal anger—some are healthy and many are unhealthy! Anger is often revealed openly in violent outbursts with harsh words that destroy relationships. Most leaders recognize that this is not helpful. So, many leaders seek to suppress the explosion and instead resort to clenched jaws and tightened muscles which no one can see. They believe that because the emotion is not visible, it is under control.

But servant leaders learn to reveal anger as David did. They are able to say it first to themselves, and when helpful to others, “I am angry!” As they reveal their emotion in healthy ways, followers learn to trust them as authentic leaders with feelings. Appropriate expression of emotion also improves the leader’s own emotional health.

Anger should be restrained. David recognized his anger and revealed it for all of us to see. But he did not allow anger to control his leadership; he restrained his emotion. David turns from his anger to a focus on God. He wanted personal revenge on his enemies but realized that deliverance would come “from the LORD.” And he finishes this psalm with a request for God to bless His people! In one verse he goes from anger to blessing!

Servant leaders learn to restrain their anger. When their anger is wrong, they cry out to God for a change of heart, with a goal to be “slow to become angry” (James 1:19). They ask forgiveness from those they have offended and model how to admit sin.

When anger is the appropriate response to a situation, servant leaders channel the anger into action to address the issue and invite others to join them in the cause. They lead as humans who have anger as an emotion, but do not allow their leadership to become emotional.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• Am I aware of when I am angry, or do I deny it? Do others ever say to me, “You are angry,” but I deny it? What might they be able to see in me that I cannot see? What happens in my physical body when I am angry?
• How do I usually reveal my anger? (An angry explosion, tears, withdrawal, silence, etc.) In what ways is my response godly and in what ways is it sinful?
• Am I quick to repent and ask forgiveness from God and others when I am angry for the wrong things or express anger in hurtful ways? Is there anyone I need to go to and ask forgiveness?
• Are there things which God wants me to be angry about which I have not allowed myself to feel? What might He want me to do about them as a leader?
• Write a personal ‘psalm’ to God, expressing anger honestly. Make sure you end it with a note of praise.
• For further study on anger consider these verses and reflect on what you learn. Cautions against anger: Psalm 37:8; Proverbs 14:17; 16:32; 22:24; Ecclesiastics 7:9; Titus 1:7; James 1:19. Examples of God’s anger: Numbers 25:3, Joshua 7:1; Psalm 7:11. Examples of “good” anger: Exodus 32:19; Nehemiah 5:6; Leviticus 10:16; 1 Samuel 11:16; Matthew 21:12. Other “angry” Psalms: 35, 37, 69:22-29, 79:1-13, 109, 137.

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

I begin this series with a personal confession. At the age of 55, after many years of leading and teaching on leadership, I am beginning to realize that I have often not been aware of my own emotions. In fact, I’ve tried hard to keep my emotions from impacting my leadership. I allowed myself to believe that some emotions were wrong and therefore denied that I had them. So this series on the leader and emotion will be my own journey of discovery. But I invite you to join with me as I discover how servant leaders live and lead with emotion. First, in this issue, an introduction to emotions from the life of Jesus.

³³ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴ “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. ³⁵ Jesus wept. ³⁶ Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” ³⁷ But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” (John 11:33-37).

Jesus was a perfect leader and He was a leader with emotions. This story gives only a glimpse of His emotions but will provide a framework to understand how emotions should correctly shape our leadership.

Emotions should be recognized. Jesus didn’t deny His emotions, He acknowledged them. He was “deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” Something was happening deeply inside of Him and He recognized it. Jesus knew that to be human was to experience emotion since humans are made in the image of God.

Many leaders, like myself, struggle to recognize what they are feeling. Ask a leader for his/her thoughts and the response will be immediate. But ask about his/her feelings and you might get an awkward silence! Servant leaders learn to recognize their emotions. They are in touch with what is going on inside of their hearts.*

Emotions should be revealed. “Jesus wept.” This shortest verse in the Bible speaks volumes about Jesus as a leader. Jesus revealed his sorrow and pain in the presence of those gathered to mourn the death of Lazarus. In many cultures men are trained not to express emotions. In other cultures the expression of some emotions are acceptable for leaders, but other emotions are not. Family systems can have unspoken rules about how emotions can or cannot be expressed. My own family did not encourage the expression of ‘negative’ emotions so for many years I did not want to acknowledge anger.

But servant leaders learn to reveal their emotions in appropriate ways. Sometimes this will be in public as Jesus demonstrated. But at other times, they may reveal their emotions to a close friend or simply to God. Servant leaders learn to express, not suppress, their emotions.

Emotions should be restrained. Jesus recognized His emotions and He was not afraid to reveal them to everyone. But He was not controlled by His sorrow! He continued to do the work He was called to do, raising Lazarus from the dead.

Servant leaders recognize and appropriately reveal their emotions, but they are not governed by them. They learn to lead with emotions, not by emotions. They recognize the difference between having emotion and being emotional. They ask God for the “self-control” that is a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22) and restrain their emotions as needed.

Jesus led with emotion and we can also learn to lead with emotion. In the following issues we’ll examine different emotions every leader will experience by looking at how David led with emotion. He expressed in the Psalms the range of emotions that we all experience.

 

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

*A tool that has helped me to recognize what I am feeling is the “Feeling Wheel” developed by Dr. Gloria Willcox. Click here to download.

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• What has been my perspective on emotions as a leader? How is my perspective shaped by my culture? By my personality? By the family systems in which I grew up? How has this perspective impacted my leadership either positively or negatively?
• On a scale of 1-10, how aware am I of the emotions I experience on a daily basis? How does this impact my leadership? How can I can grow in my awareness of how I am feeling?
• What does it mean for me to express my emotions appropriately? Are there times I have expressed my emotions inappropriately? What did that do to my relationships with those I lead?
• To what extent is my leadership controlled by my emotions? Is there a time in the last week that I responded to a leadership issue based on my feelings instead of what was needed by those I serve?

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

Jesus resisted using His calling for provision and He refused to use His charisma for promotion. But the devil had one more temptation for Jesus before He began His public ministry. ⁸ Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ⁹ “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” ¹¹ Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him (Matthew 4:8-11).

This temptation does not involve Jesus’ identity. Instead, the enemy reveals “all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor” and says to Jesus, “All this I will give you…” It was an offer of the power, position and prestige that many leaders enjoy. This temptation relates to the privileges of leadership. But the enemy’s offer came with a high price. He asked Jesus to worship him. He tempted Jesus to compromise His character to gain privilege.

The temptation to compromise character by coveting privilege. The devil said to Jesus, “All this I will give you.” The enemy wanted Jesus to covet the privileges of leadership more than the cost of leadership. Jesus deserved the privilege which makes this temptation even more difficult for Jesus than for us. But He had deliberately given that up for the sake of His mission to save us. (See Philippians 2:5-8.)

Most leaders dream of what it would be like to have a little more wealth, honor, recognition, fame, a bigger church or a business that makes it big. What would it be like to be on the cover of the leadership magazine or to receive the “Leader of the year” award? The enemy still tests our hearts to see if we will focus on our desire for privilege. Servant leaders do not refuse recognition or privilege, but they refuse to make that the desire of their hearts. Coveting privilege is the front line of the battle. If this battle is lost here, the other two aspects of this temptation will quickly follow.

The temptation to compromise character by changing focus for privilege. A part of the enemy’s temptation of Jesus was to invite Jesus to focus on what He could get out of leadership instead of what He would give as a leader. He wanted Jesus to change the focus of His leadership.

All leaders are tempted to focus on what they will get out of leadership rather than what they can give. It is normal to ask, “What’s in it for me? What will I get in return?”

But Jesus knew His focus was to give and to serve. Privilege would come from that, but He would not shift His focus to self. Servant leaders see their leadership as an opportunity to give, not to get. They refuse to focus on the privileges of leadership.

The temptation to compromise character by conceding worship for privilege. Finally the devil named his price, “if only you will bow down and worship me.” Here Jesus was tempted to exchange His worship of the true God for privileges of leadership. The plan of the enemy is for us to compromise our integrity to gain privilege. He whispers, “You can have it all…if you will only…cheat, tell a ‘small’ lie, withhold taxes, or hide your mistakes.”

Servant leaders follow Jesus’ example and refuse to worship anything except God. They see their leadership as a sacred privilege to be used to focus people’s worship on God, not themselves or even their vision. They guard against the temptation to worship their vision instead of God. Servant leaders cry out to Jesus to give them strength to overcome the temptation to compromise their character for privilege.

Jesus’ victory provides a model for us to follow and His Spirit within provides the power for us to overcome the temptations that come with leadership.

 

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• How much do I honestly desire power, wealth, fame or honor? What does this say about the condition of my heart?
• In what ways have I recently been tempted to compromise character to gain privileges in my leadership?
• Do I focus more on what I can give in my leadership or what I will get out of my leadership? How does this impact my ability to lead as a servant?
• How am I tempted to worship the vision God has given me instead of worshipping Him?

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

Jesus resisted the first temptation to use His calling to provide His identity, physical or personal needs. So, the devil brought a second temptation to Jesus as he will to all leaders.

⁵ Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. ⁶ “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” ⁷ Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” (Matthew 4:5-7)

This temptation came at the beginning of Jesus’ ministry. He had a mission but He was still unknown. He did not yet have followers. The temptation was to do something dramatic that would promote himself and create an immediate following.

All leaders are promoters; they call people to join a mission and that requires sharing the vision and influencing others to follow. Leaders need charisma^*—the ability to attract or influence followers. Jesus’ temptation, and ours, is to use leadership charisma to promote the wrong things.

The temptation to use leadership charisma to promote self. The enemy whispers to Jesus, “If you are the Son of God…throw yourself down.” What is he saying to Jesus? “Are you really who you say you are? Prove it! Produce a miracle, then others will follow you.” The temptation for Jesus was to use His leadership to promote Himself.

All leaders are tempted to do whatever they can to make themselves look good. Some use God-given supernatural powers. Others use their physical abilities to build their own kingdom. Some use their power of persuasion to get people to follow them. They gain influence by making themselves look good. But servant leaders use their leadership charisma to make others look good! They promote the vision God has given them instead of drawing attention to themselves.

The temptation to use leadership charisma to promote action. The temptation of the enemy was to “throw yourself down.” Behind this was the unstated challenge, “If you’re a leader, do something! Make something happen and people will follow you. People follow results. Show them what you can do!” If Jesus would have jumped off the top of the temple and landed safely on the ground, people would have gladly followed Him as a man of action, a powerful leader! Jesus knew that leadership involves action but the action must be focused on the mission. A jump would promote action but would not result in any benefit for God’s Kingdom.

Leaders act and their actions influence others to follow. They take risks for the cause they are promoting whether that is to advance their business, develop their staff, or build their church. But all leaders are tempted to promote action that builds their own image instead of advancing the cause. They become addicted to action and cannot stop and rest. Action becomes their god. Servant leaders refuse to worship activity; they focus on the mission and act only to move towards the goal.

The temptation to use leadership charisma to promote partial truth. The enemy quoted Scripture and this is the only time his words were true! But Jesus reminded him that “It is also written….” Jesus recognized that partial truth is a lie.

Leaders are tempted to reveal only the part of the truth that makes them look good or that will appeal to the listeners. They build influence by speaking only what will attract followers. Servant leaders refuse to use their charisma to deceive followers. They promote the whole truth no matter what the results.

Jesus didn’t jump! He would use His leadership charisma to promote the right things and He calls all servant leaders to follow His example.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

^*Charisma is the ability to attract the attention and admiration of others, often a trait of personality. Leaders with charisma influence people to follow them.

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• In what ways am I tempted as a leader to use my charisma to promote myself? Are there any actions I have taken in the past week that were simply to impress others with my leadership?
• How am I tempted to show people what I can accomplish so they will follow me? Are there any ways that I am addicted to action and cannot be satisfied with rest?
• What part of truth am I tempted to not say to my followers? What is my fear and what does it say about the condition of my heart?
• What things should I be promoting with all the charisma I possess? How can I do this more like Jesus?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018

Leaders face temptations like everyone else, but they also face unique temptations because of their leadership gifts, calling and roles. Jesus faced these temptations at the beginning of His leadership journey, and shows all servant leaders how to identify these tests and how to resist them. In the first of three temptations, Matthew records the devil’s request for Jesus to turn stones into bread.

¹ Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. ² After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. ³ The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” ⁴ Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God’” (Matthew 4:1-4).

The tempter didn’t question Jesus’ ability to make the stones become bread. So what was the test and how does it apply to us as leaders? This was a temptation to use His calling to provide for His needs. Every leader will be tempted to use their leadership calling as provision for their needs in three ways.

The temptation to use leadership calling as provision for personality needs. The devil very cleverly tested Jesus’ identity with the words, “If you are the Son of God…” His temptation was for Jesus to prove His identity by performing a miracle. He tempted Jesus to use His power to prove who He was. But Jesus refused to allow His leadership calling to shape His identity. His identity was already deeply rooted in His relationship with His Father.

It is easy for leaders to find their identity in their calling or role. Leaders often introduce themselves by saying, “I’m the pastor…chairman…or CEO.” Of course, there is nothing wrong with having an identity as a leader. The temptation, however, is to use our leadership role to provide our identity. Servant leaders refuse to allow their role to define who they are.

The temptation to use leadership calling as provision for physical needs. Jesus was hungry and ready for something to eat after 40 days of fasting. Jesus had a legitimate physical need. The temptation for Jesus was to use His power to meet these physical needs. But He responded, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Jesus implies that His calling is to higher things than the physical. He was called to help people find purpose for their lives, a sense of fulfillment, to develop their own gifts and to see the needs of the world as He did. To use His leadership for “bread alone” would have been a great compromise.

All leaders have physical needs for food, money, and housing. These physical needs are legitimate, just as Jesus’ need for food was normal. But the physical needs should not be the focus of our leadership. Servant leaders gratefully accept God’s provision for their physical needs, but focus their leadership on a higher purpose.

The temptation to use leadership calling as provision for personal needs. The temptation to turn the stones into bread was for Jesus to use His calling to serve Himself instead of serving others. He was called to be the Bread of Life and to offer Himself to others, feeding them physically and spiritually. But Jesus refused to allow His leadership to fulfill His own needs, choosing instead to offer Himself for the sake of others.

Leaders are tempted to use their positions to focus on what they get out of the role instead of what they can give to others. Servant leaders follow Jesus’ example and focus on what they can give rather than what they will get. They recognize that leadership is a sacred calling, not a means to physical gain.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• In what ways am I tempted to allow my leadership to shape my identity? If I would lose my current position or role, would I still know who I am?
• In what ways does my leadership role provide for my physical needs? Are there ways that I am tempted to see my calling as primarily to provide for the physical? If so, what is the result in my leadership? What is the ‘higher’ calling of my leadership role?
• Does my leadership focus more on what I can give or what I will get from the role?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

In this final reflection on the contrast between the leadership of David and Absalom, we’ll look at how they viewed and measured success. All leaders long for success and either consciously or unknowingly ask themselves, “Am I successful as a leader?” David and Absalom answered that question in very different ways.

David sought God for success; Absalom sought the advice of men. David often “inquired of the Lord” before he went to battle or made major decisions. He recognized that his success depended on God rather than his own human wisdom or ideas. He sought God’s direction before he listened to the counsel of others.

In contrast, Absalom sought only the advice of men. Absalom said to Ahithophel, “Give us your advice. What should we do?” (2 Samuel 16:20). Absalom moved when he thought the people were ready, not at God’s instruction. He was like many subversive* leaders who test public opinion before deciding what to do. His primary concern was how others would respond, not God’s direction. He had no regard for God’s direction and instead looked to people around him to bring success.

Servant leaders look to God for success rather than their own plans. They are able to wait on God for direction. This does not mean they do not seek advice from others; even David had good counselors. But the ultimate direction for a servant leader will come from God, not from the views of others.

David measured success by obedience; Absalom measured success by outcomes. David was anointed to be the king but didn’t pursue that position; he simply walked in obedience to God and waited for His timing. David was a successful leader before he had a position because he was already “a man after God’s own heart.”

He recognized that his success was not measured by the outcomes of power or position but by his obedience. This is reflected in his statement to the priest, Zadok, as he was fleeing from Jerusalem. Then the king said to Zadok, “Take the ark of God back into the city. If I find favor in the LORD’s eyes, he will bring me back and let me see it and his dwelling place again. But if he says, ‘I am not pleased with you,’ then I am ready; let him do to me whatever seems good to him” (2 Samuel 15:25-26). David’s success was not measured by his role but in humble obedience to God.

Absalom, in contrast, was obsessed with becoming the king. His success was measured only on the outcome of getting power and position. By that standard Absalom was only successful for a few days.

Many leaders measure success by tangible markers like position, finances, numbers of people who follow, profit, expansion, etc. But servant leaders learn that the only valid measure of success is obedience. In some settings, a faithful leader may serve for years with very few visible results. Servant leaders measure success by obedience and leave the outcomes to God. Subversive leaders measure success by outcomes and obey God only if it helps them reach their goals.

David attributed success to the Lord; Absalom attributed success to himself. In many ways, David had evidence of the standard measures of success. He had power, a prized position, and accomplished much as a king. But he attributed his success to God’s presence. And he became more and more powerful, because the LORD God Almighty was with him (2 Samuel 5:10). David saw his success as an opportunity to bring glory to God and expressed his desire to build a temple for God.

In contrast, Absalom built a monument for himself. During his lifetime Absalom had taken a pillar and erected it in the King’s Valley as a monument to himself, for he thought, “I have no son to carry on the memory of my name.” He named the pillar after himself, and it is called Absalom’s Monument to this day (2 Samuel 18:18). Absalom saw his leadership as an opportunity to advance himself. His leadership was only to draw attention to who he was and had nothing to do with who God was.

Many leaders join Absalom in using success to draw attention to themselves. They are quick to tell others, “See what I have done.” Subversive leaders turn success into monuments to themselves. But servant leaders turn success into monuments to God. What kind of monuments will you leave behind? It depends on how you answer the question, “Am I successful as a leader?”

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my own definition of success as a leader? Have I clearly defined it in my own life and leadership? How does David’s life challenge me to modify how I define success?
• In what way am I tempted as a leader to value the opinions of men more than God’s? How does that impact my decisions?
• Do I focus more on outcomes or obedience? Can I give one example from the past week of how that was reflected in my leadership?
• In what way can my position, power, or influence be used to bring glory to God? In what ways am I tempted to use them to bring glory to myself?
• What kind of monuments am I building with my life; are they monuments to God or to myself? How would those who follow me answer this question about my leadership?

*Subversive means to seek to undermine or destroy an established system. A leader who is subversive intends to overthrow the established authority to take power for themselves.

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

Leadership is all about relationships and the way we relate to those we lead. There is no leadership without relationships. But how relationships are viewed and developed varies greatly. In this reflection on the contrast between David and his son Absalom, we will examine their relationship with their followers.

Both David and Absalom had relationships with their followers, but they built and maintained these relationships in very different ways. David, as a servant leader, built relationships in a manner that benefited everyone involved. As a subversive* leader, Absalom used relationships to advance his own cause. We learn about our own leadership relationships as we reflect on their examples.

David built relationships with production; Absalom built relationships with promises. David attracted others to follow him with his courage, first displayed when he killed Goliath. Saul’s son Jonathan saw the faith and courage in David’s life and became a lifelong friend and supporter. Soon after that, David began to lead the men into battle and won their loyalty by his accomplishments as a leader. He even influenced some of Israel’s enemies, men from Gath, to become loyal supporters (2 Samuel 15:18).

David won peoples’ hearts by what he did as a leader. They recognized his victories in battle and acknowledged that God had called him to leadership.

In contrast, Absalom never accomplished anything as a leader. He attracted people to follow him by leading a conspiracy against the king. Ahithophel, David’s counselor, chose to follow Absalom, likely because of his disgust at David’s relationship with Bathsheba, his granddaughter. Absalom promised results but never produced. He said, “If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then…I would…” (2 Samuel 15:4). He took the easy way of criticizing the current leader instead of offering leadership.

Subversive leaders build relationships based on their leadership dreams. Servant leaders follow God and accomplish results that attract people to follow them. Subversive leaders promise results; servant leadersproduce results.

David honored relationships by listening; Absalom listened only to use relationships. David listened well. He first listened to God and often sought His counsel. He listened to the counsel of his commanders (2 Samuel 18:4; 19:5-8). And David listened to the rebuke of the prophet Nathan.

But Absalom only appeared to listen to those who were coming to the king for justice. His goal was only to steal their hearts so that he could become king (2 Samuel 15:1-6). Later Absalom refused to listen to the advice of Ahithophel, which led this counselor to take his own life (2 Samuel 17:1-23).

Subversive leaders pretend to hear, hoping that will build relationships. Servant leaders honor relationships by listening. Listening to others does not produce weak leadership; it builds relationships instead.

David sacrificed self to build relationships; Absalom sacrificed relationships to build his leadership. David built strong, loyal relationships by continually sacrificing himself for the people he led. The best example of the strength of these relationships is when David longed for water and his mighty men broke through enemy lines to fulfill his desire. But instead of quenching his own thirst, David poured out the water since they risked their lives to get it (2 Samuel 23:13-17). He used relationships to build others.

In contrast, Absalom sacrificed relationships to advance his own position. He ordered the death of his older brother and then led a rebellion against his own father! And 20,000 men lost their lives in the battle at the end of his life. Absalom used relationships to build himself.

Servant leaders attract others to themselves when they willingly sacrifice themselves for the sake of others. They show honor to others instead of only focusing on themselves. But subversive leaders view their own advancement as more important than relationships. They embrace any relationship that advances their cause and discard any relationship that doesn’t serve their ambition.

David and Absalom demonstrate two very different ways leaders build relationships. They illustrate that at least for the short term, both ways attract others. But lasting success comes to leaders who attract others by sacrificing self, listening well, and producing results.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What have I done as a person that could make others want to follow me? If very little or nothing, what do I need to do before seeking a leadership role?
• Have I ever made promises to attract others to follow me? If so, what was the result?
• Am I able to listen to the counsel of others, even when they disagree with my actions? If not, what can I do to become a better listener?
• Do I ever pretend to listen so that others will think I am a great leader? If so, what is God inviting me to do to change?
• In what way have I sacrificed myself for those who follow me? Are there steps I can take today which can demonstrate that I value their relationship more than their performance?

*Subversive means to seek to undermine or destroy an established system. A leader who is subversive intends to overthrow the established authority to take power for themselves.

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

Sin is a universal reality for all leaders, but the leaders’ response can be as different as David’s and Absalom’s. David’s most well-known sin is his sexual relationship with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah. Absalom has a longer list of sins including the murder of his brother, destruction of personal property, rebellion to authority, and sexual immorality.

David responded as a servant leader while Absalom dealt with sin as a subversive* leader. And the outcomes could not be more distinct. David, in spite of his sin, is known as a “man after God’s own heart.” Absalom paid for his sin with his life. What can servant leaders learn about sin from the lives of David and Absalom?

David declared his sin; Absalom denied sin. David initially tried to cover his sin, attempting to make it look like Bathsheba’s pregnancy was from her husband. Then he had her husband killed. But when the prophet Nathan came to confront David, he quickly acknowledged, “I have sinned against the Lord” (2 Samuel 12:13). In his psalm of confession, David says, “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge” (Psalm 51:3-4). David recognized that he sinned not only against the people involved but against God.

In contrast, Absalom, after murdering his brother, says to Joab: “Now then, I want to see the king’s face, and if I am guilty of anything, let him put me to death” (2 Samuel 14:32b, emphasis mine). David sinned in secret, but repented openly and cried out to God for forgiveness. Absalom sinned openly but refused to repent. He never acknowledged his sin to God or his father.

All leaders are tempted, like Absalom, to cover their sin. Hiding sin is a natural response and it is easy to conclude that confession will damage our leadership. David demonstrates a better way. Servant leaders acknowledge their sin quickly and openly; subversive leaders cover their sin.

David allowed sin to shape his character; Absalom used sin to shape his leadership. David repented of his sin and said, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. ¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. ¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” (Psalm 51:10-12). David sinned in a moment of passion, but as he repented his character was shaped by God. The experience of God’s grace made David even more effective as a leader.

In contrast, Absalom deliberately sinned to advance his leadership, by sleeping on the rooftop with his father’s wives. (See 2 Samuel 16:21-22.) He used sin to gain more followers! Absalom had no regard for character; he only desired to be the king. Leadership was his goal, not integrity.

Some leaders, like Absalom, base decisions not on what is right or wrong but on what will advance their leadership. They are willing to compromise integrity for short term gain. Servant leaders allow sin to shape their character; subversive leaders use sin to shape their leadership.

David’s response to sin made him better; Absalom’s response made him bitter. David’s life was shaped by his sin and he drew closer to God as a result. He also promised God that after forgiveness he would, “teach transgressors your ways” (Psalm 51:13). Servant leaders repent of sin and allow their mistakes to make them better. They draw closer to God and experience His grace and forgiveness. As they do, they share what they learned with those who follow. They become more compassionate with those they lead as they recognize their own failings and are able to extend grace to others who sin.

Absalom’s response to sin only drove him to a life of bitterness, revenge, and rebellion. His initial sin of murder and denial of guilt led to rebellion, then sexual immorality, and a life of broken family relationships.

The difference between leaders is not in how we sin but in how we respond to sin. Servant leaders accept God’s grace and allow their sin to make them better; subversive leaders allow sin to make them bitter.

Our response to our own sin will shape our leadership. Servant leaders acknowledge sin and allow God to use it to shape their character and make them better leaders. Do you follow David’s example or Absalom’s?

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

*Subversive means to seek to undermine or destroy an established system. A leader who is subversive intends to overthrow the established authority to take power for themselves.

For further reflection and discussion:

• Read Psalm 51 to reflect on how David responded to his sin. What is God speaking to me through this chapter?
• How has my own sin changed the way I lead?
• In what areas am I most tempted to make leadership my goal instead of integrity?
• Are there currently hidden sins in my own life which need to be confessed?
• What specific step is God asking me to do in response to this reflection?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

Perhaps the greatest difference between the leadership of David and Absalom was in their view of authority. They responded very differently to those in authority over them, and this led to profound differences in their leadership. Their lives illustrate the different ways servant leaders and subversive* leaders see and respond to authority. How did David and Absalom respond to authority?

David recognized authority; Absalom refused authority. How did these two leaders see authority?

During the years that David was fleeing in the desert from King Saul, he consistently referred to the king as “God’s anointed.” David recognized that authority is established by God and that Saul was the legitimate king, even when he was not a good leader. David saw authority as legitimate.

In contrast, Absalom told people coming to see David, “There is no representative of the king to hear you” (2 Samuel 15:3-4). He talked as though there was no legitimate ruler in the land. And he spoke these words within walking distance of King David’s palace! Absalom refused to recognize David’s authority as legitimate.

All leaders exercise authority and all leaders are also under authority. Many leaders expect others to recognize their authority but do not respect the authority of those over them. Servant leaders recognize authority; subversive leaders refuse authority.

David submitted to authority; Absalom subverted authority. How did these two leaders respond to authority?

Because David recognized authority came from God, he was able to submit to the authority of Saul even when the king was trying to kill him! Although he knew he was called by God to lead, he steadfastly refused to take matters into his own hands.

One time his men urged him to kill Saul. ⁴ The men said, “This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.’” Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe. ⁵ Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. ⁶ He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.” ⁷ With these words David sharply rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way (1 Samuel 24:4-7).

Absalom responded very differently. Not only did he refuse to submit to the authority of King David, he actively rebelled against the king. David submitted even to a bad leader; Absalom refused to submit to a good leader.

Many leaders think that if the person over them would be a good leader, they would have no trouble submitting. But servant leaders learn from David and Absalom that the attitude of a leader towards authority is not determined by the one in authority. Every leader chooses how much they will respect and honor the leaders above them. Servant leaders submit to authority; subversive leaders undermine authority.

David inspired loyalty; Absalom incited rebellion. How did these two leaders influence those under them to see and respond to authority?

David’s view of authority inspired loyalty from those who followed him. They did not attack King Saul. Later, they were willing to risk their lives for David and stayed with him even when it was not clear if he would remain in authority.

Absalom’s refusal to recognize and submit to authority seemed to work at the beginning. He was able to quickly gather people around him who were eager to see him become the king. But Absalom’s followers scattered quickly and left him to die alone when the rebellion failed. “They took Absalom, threw him into a big pit in the forest and piled up a large heap of rocks over him. Meanwhile, all the Israelites fled to their homes” (2 Samuel 18:17).

Leading a rebellion is a quick path to leadership since many people have rebellion in their hearts and are attracted to a leader who rebels. As with Absalom, the momentum builds and soon a new leader is recognized. But those who gain influence through rebellion soon find themselves leading rebels! Disrespect only breeds disrespect.

 

Leaders are influencers and their view of authority will be passed on to others. When servant leaders see rebellion in their followers, they first look closely in the mirror. Servant leaders inspire loyalty to authority; subversive leaders incite rebellion.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

*Subversive means to seek to undermine or destroy an established system. A leader who is subversive intends to overthrow the established authority to take power for themselves.

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• Who are the persons in authority over me in my family, community, church, vocation, and nation? Do I recognize them as legitimate leaders or do I refuse to acknowledge them as my leaders? How is this respect, or lack of it, expressed in my words or actions? Is my attitude towards them more like David or Absalom?
• Is there any way in which I gained my position or influence by rejecting authority? In what way has this impacted the way I lead?
• What view of authority do I see in those who follow me? What does this reflect about my own view of authority?
• What steps is God inviting me to take in response to this reflection on the way David and Absalom viewed authority? When will I take these steps and who should I allow to hold me accountable?

Copyright, Global Disciples, 2018.