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When Paul calls us as leaders to speak “the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), he clearly wants what we speak to be true. But when he explains that love is “not self-seeking” (1 Corinthians 13:5), Paul goes deep into our hearts to expose the reasons why we speak truth.

What we say matters but our motive for saying it also matters! Paul recognizes that we may speak truth, but our motive is to benefit ourselves rather than the other person. In Ephesians 4:29, Paul says we should speak “only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” The truth should benefit the other person, not the speaker.

Servant leaders learn from Paul to speak the truth without any hint of personal gain. Their focus is outward, not inward. They focus on the needs of the other, not themselves.

Speaking the truth without self-seeking requires balance.

Both truth and an unselfish motive are required for balanced speech. Many leaders have a passion to speak truth, but their motive is selfish. Perhaps they think that the truth will make them look better than the other person, since they don’t have that problem. Or they may realize that the person’s mistake is hindering the growth of the organization, so they decide to speak the truth. But their motive is to advance the organization, not to meet the needs of the person. Or they may speak truth to respond to something that hurt them personally. These motives are all seeking self!

On the other hand, a leader may have genuine love for the other person but fear that speaking the truth will cause offense or damage the relationship. So, they say nothing, and the truth is lost! Both truth and a focus on the needs of the other person are needed. Sometimes speaking the truth in love will benefit the other person and benefit themselves or the organization. But servant leaders don’t allow their own interests to determine their actions. Instead, they look to the needs of the other.

The needs of the other, not the needs of the leader, determine what will be said and how it will be spoken. Servant leaders balance truth with the motive of meeting other’s needs.

Speaking the truth without self-seeking reveals maturity.

All leaders are naturally selfish, so maturity is required to speak truth with no hint of self-seeking! Because motives are often hidden, servant leaders take time to ask God to expose what is hidden in their hearts.

When they make mistakes, servant leaders repent and ask God to continue changing their hearts and revealing hidden motives. They ask God to break their proud hearts and pour His love for others into the places that once were focused only on self. This breaking often happens over a long period of time as a leader walks in daily obedience to Jesus. As servant leaders grow in maturity, their words of truth expressed in genuine love become life-giving gifts to those who hear them.

Speaking the truth without self-seeking reflects Jesus.

Jesus was able to speak truth without seeking His own needs. In John 5:28-30, He says, ²⁸“Do not be amazed at this, for a time is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice ²⁹and come out—those who have done what is good will rise to live, and those who have done what is evil will rise to be condemned. ³⁰By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.”

The truth that Jesus spoke was difficult to accept but He spoke boldly. At the same time, He was not saying these things to please Himself or to make Himself look good. He spoke the warning that His listeners needed to hear.

Servant leaders reflect on Paul’s words and follow the example of Jesus to speak truth without self-seeking.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency: to focus on my needs, or on the needs of those I speak to? What is the result in my leadership?   
• When have I spoken truth, but was seeking self? What was the result in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke? Is there anything I should do now to correct that mistake?
• Can I think of another time when Jesus spoke truth without self-seeking? What can I learn from His example?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019. 

As leaders learn to follow Paul’s exhortation to speak “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), they also learn that one of the many dimensions of love is that it “does not dishonor others” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Servant leaders seek to speak the truth without dishonoring the person who needs the truth. To dishonor another brings shame or disgrace to them.

 Imagine a situation where James, the person helping you organize a large event, makes room assignments without considering the social status of the assigned roommates and it results in many complaints.

How will you respond? You could make a quick announcement to the group, “I’m sorry that James didn’t do the room assignments as I requested. Please bear with us as we correct this situation.”

Is it the truth? Yes! Is it said without dishonoring? No! (Ask James if he felt honored!) Servant leaders learn to speak truth without dishonor.

Speaking the truth without dishonoring requires balance.

Truth cannot be compromised for honor. Neither should honor be compromised for the truth. Both are needed in proper balance. Some cultures and some personalities will more easily speak truth while other cultures focus on honor. Some leaders naturally focus on honoring the person. They avoid shame at all costs so find it very difficult to speak truth.

In the situation with James, they might simply keep quiet, not wanting to make James look bad or feel bad about his mistake. Truth is not spoken. With this leader, James will not hear the truth and is likely to repeat the mistake another time.

Other leaders, such as in the scenario above, would quickly speak the truth with little regard for how it may impact James. But Paul calls servant leaders to love the truth and to love the person who needs the truth.

Speaking the truth without dishonoring reveals maturity.

It is easy to honor truth or to honor the person, but not easy to balance them both. Leaders often make mistakes on the journey towards a mature ability to speak truth without dishonoring. But they learn from their mistakes and adjust their manner of speaking as they grow. When a leader has a genuine desire to speak truth but still to honor the person, they will consider how their own natural tendencies and the culture in which they live, may influence them towards truth or honor.

Different cultures demonstrate honor in different ways, so leaders consider carefully how loudly they speak, what titles they use, and whether they use direct eye contact. Most cultures show honor by giving a rebuke or correction privately. A mature leader will not publicly rebuke someone unless there is a clear need to do so, as Paul did with Peter in Galatians 2:11-21. In this situation, Paul spoke publicly because Peter’s hypocrisy was impacting the whole group. Servant leaders reveal maturity by balancing truth and honor.

Speaking the truth without dishonoring reflects Jesus.

Jesus spoke truth while honoring people. He did not use shame to motivate a change in behavior. The woman caught in adultery (John 8) is one example of a time He spoke truth and showed honor.

The woman had clearly done wrong and everyone knew it. The Pharisees publicly shamed her and were ready to stone her to death. Jesus first did not answer their questions except to write on the ground. Finally, He said to her accusers, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). After everyone left, Jesus was alone with the woman and said to her, “Then neither do I condemn you, go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11).

Jesus, the only one who had a right to accuse, did not. He offered forgiveness! But He also spoke truth and called her to “leave your life of sin.” He spoke truth without dishonoring. The woman entered in shame and dishonor; she left rebuked but loved and honored by Jesus. Servant leaders seek to follow His example as they learn to speak the truth without dishonoring others.
 

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency, to speak “truth” or not to dishonor? What is the result in my leadership?
• When have I spoken truth, but dishonored the person? What was the result in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke?
• In my culture, which is more highly valued: truth or honor? How does this impact my ability to speak truth without dishonor?
• Can I think of another time when Jesus spoke the truth in a way that honored the person involved? What can I learn from His example?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019. 

Confrontation is difficult but often a necessary part of a leaders’ role. When confronting a problem in someone else’s life, it is crucial to learn to speak truth without pride. Servant leaders hear Paul’s command to speak the “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). They also recognize that genuine love “is not proud” (1 Corinthians 13:4) so they learn to speak the truth without pride.

Pride is thinking more highly of oneself than appropriate, seeing oneself as more important than others. This attitude can often impact what a leader says and the way it is said. This is especially true when someone needs correction. Imagine that a member of your team was asked to submit a report by Friday but did not complete it until Monday. What does it mean to speak truth without pride?  

Speaking the truth without pride requires balance.

Some leaders would try to preserve the relationship with the team member by keeping quiet and hoping for a change in the future. But the truth needs to be shared or the person who has done wrong will not be able to grow and change.

Leaders who fail to speak the truth don’t love deeply enough to confront the wrong. They love themselves more than the other person! Another leader may speak truth but with pride, “I can’t believe you didn’t submit that report on time; I have never failed to meet the deadline!”

The truth must be balanced with humility. In Galatians 6:1, Paul gives instructions about how to give correction: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” Paul says that we need to correct “gently” and to watch ourselves or we will also be tempted.

In what way are we tempted? Primarily to correct with pride. We are tempted to think that we are better than the one who has sinned or made a mistake. We quickly think that their problem is worse than our problem. We are tempted to think that we would never commit the same error.

When the leader speaks with pride, a feeling of superiority is conveyed. They may speak the truth, but their motive is to make themselves look good, not to help the other person. “I am better than you, that’s why I’m telling you the truth.” But putting others down will never lift you up! Humility allows the leader to point out the problem without a sense of superiority. Servant leaders learn to balance truth with humility.  

Speaking the truth without pride reveals maturity.

It is not easy to correct someone without feeling superior to them. The fact that correction is needed indicates a mistake has been made by the other person. It is natural for the leader to feel superior and leaders often know the answers. They can easily feel they are not only ahead of those who follow but above them.

Until God’s spirit breaks our pride, it will be impossible to speak truth with humility. Servant leaders quickly repent when they identify their own pride and ask God to deepen their love for the other person. Then they speak truth with humility. As they learn to do this, they grow in maturity.   

Speaking the truth without pride reflects Jesus.

Peter boldly contradicted what Jesus was saying would happen in the future. He was wrong, and Jesus confronted him. ²³“Jesus turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns’” (Matthew 16:23).

Peter had just declared that Jesus was the Christ. Jesus could have responded with pride and a reminder of who he was rather than keeping the focus on Peter and his need to change. Jesus corrected by speaking truth with humility and servant leaders learn to do the same as they follow His example.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency: to ignore the need to speak correction or to do it with pride?   What is the result in my leadership?   
• When have I spoken truth, but not with humility? What was the result in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke?
• If speaking truth with humility is a measure of my maturity, how much have I grown in this area? In what relationships is God inviting me to learn to speak truth with humility?  
• Can I think of another time when Jesus corrected with truth and no pride? What can I learn from His example?

Leaders enjoy success and many leaders are eager to boast about what they have accomplished! Boasting is talking with excessive pride and drawing attention to oneself. But Paul reminds us that love “does not boast” (1 Corinthians 13:4). And he challenges us to speak the “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). So, servant leaders are called to speak the truth without boasting.

In the last issue, we looked at a scenario in which another person was succeeding, and you were asked to respond. (The challenge was to speak truth without envy.) Now, let’s reflect on what you say when you are the one with great success!

Imagine that you have just completed a large project in your church, business or profession. You worked hard on the project for the last six months. Finally, it was accomplished, and the results were far beyond your expectations and acknowledged by many as outstanding. Your friend who has not heard about your success stops to talk with you and asks you, “How are things going with your work?” What will you say to your friend and how will you say it?

Servant leaders learn to speak truth in this situation without boasting.

Speaking the truth without boasting requires balance.

For many personalities, it is most natural to respond to your friend’s question with boasting. You might say, “Wow, this is a fantastic time of progress for me. I have been working so hard on this project and it has succeeded beyond what I imagined. Everyone is so impressed, and they have been sending me text messages of congratulations!” Since it sounds so good, you continue, “I expect that what I did will soon be announced in our organization’s monthly report!” Boasting usually leads to exaggerating the truth!

Other leaders may have a very low view of themselves or been taught to be humble. They may find it difficult to acknowledge success. You might respond to the question, “Well, nothing too great is happening, you know, the normal ups and downs of work!” In your attempt to avoid boasting, you also avoid truth!

Servant leaders learn a proper balance by speaking truthfully but without boasting.

Speaking the truth without boasting reveals maturity.

As leaders begin their journey, their personality impacts their ability to speak the truth without boasting. But as leaders mature on their journey, they allow God’s spirit to shape their responses. Those who are quick to boast recognize that “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble” (James 4:6). Those who tend to minimize their own success learn from Jesus’ words, “let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

As leaders mature, they also learn to acknowledge that whatever they accomplish is a gift from Him and done for His glory. They learn to say with Isaiah, “LORD, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us” (Isaiah 26:12).

Servant leaders demonstrate maturity as they speak truth without boasting.

Speaking the truth without boasting reflects Jesus.

Jesus made truth claims that were astonishing. “No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6) in one of many examples. Jesus boldly spoke what was true even when others interpreted His claims as blasphemous. But He made these claims without a hint of boasting and gave the glory to His Father. “The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work” (John 14:10).

Like Jesus, servant leaders learn to boldly speak the truth without boasting.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency about my successes: to boast or to minimize the truth? What is the result in my leadership?   
• When have I spoken with boasting? What was the result in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke?  
• Reflect on Paul’s boasting in 2 Corinthians 7:14. “I had boasted to him about you, and you have not embarrassed me. But just as everything we said to you was true, so our boasting about you to Titus has proved to be true as well.” Was he boasting about himself? What can we learn from his example?
• Can I think of another time when Jesus could have boasted but instead spoke the truth without boasting?  What can I learn from His example?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019. 

What leaders say matters. The way they say it also matters!

Paul calls us to speak the “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).Then he adds that love “does not envy” (1 Corinthians 13:4).So, servant leaders are called to speak “truth without envy.”

Envy is a desire to possess what another other person has. This may be a desire for what that person has materially or a position or honor that the person enjoys. I may envy that person’s success in ministry, business or career. Envy is a condition of my heart which will often be expressed in the way I talk. Speaking the truth without envy means that I speak truth with no desire to gain what the other person has. My speech does not change because of the other person’s success and I am able to rejoice in any success the other experiences.

As we reflect on what this means, imagine a situation in which a friend tells you that a peer of yours, working in the same profession, is doing much better than you are. You learn that their business (or church) is growing rapidly or that they just received a promotion in their career. After listing all the achievements, your friend looks at you and asks, “What do you think about that?” What will you say? How can a servant leader respond by speaking the truth without envy?   

Speaking the truth without envy requires balance.

Will you envy that person or speak the truth? What will you say if the truth is that you are envious? It’s not likely that you’ll say, “I really wish I was as successful as my friend!” It is more likely that because of envy, you will minimize their success, perhaps by suggesting that their success is not earned. You may respond, “I doubt they could have succeeded like that without cheating. They must be compromising, paying bribes or avoiding taxes.” If it is a successful church you may say, “They must have compromised the true Gospel if that many people are coming!”

In these responses you expose your envy and minimize the truth. Or, because of envy, you may change the “truth” of your own situation to make things look better than they really are. You may say, “That’s great but I’m also expecting a promotion soon!”

  Servant leaders acknowledge the truth, but without envy. The person has done well, perhaps because of God’s favor, or their hard work, or both. You might respond, “That’s awesome, I’m so glad for them!” Is that true? If, as you speak these words, you know that what you are speaking is not truth, it is pretending to rejoice while your heart is filled with envy. Servant leaders speak without envy and without changing the truth.

Speaking the truth without envy reveals maturity.

To see someone else succeed and not have envy in our hearts is a sign of maturity! We are naturally selfish and want the best for ourselves with little concern for others. It is hard to rejoice in another person’s success when our hearts are focused on our own success! No leader can speak the truth without envy unless they have died to their own selfish desires.

Servant leaders lay down their own egos and rejoice in the success of another. They recognize that their tongue is connected to their heart and until their heart is set free from envy, their speech will reflect their heart. It takes most of us a long time to reach this level of maturity!

Speaking the truth without envy reflects Jesus.

Jesus did not envy the success of others, instead He rejoiced in it. Consider His words, “Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father” (John 14:12).

There is not a hint of envy as Jesus spoke of great success for those who would follow. In fact, Jesus seems to enjoy the reality that His disciples would do more than He had done. His ministry was confined to the nation of Israel while they would take the gospel to the nations. He was speaking the truth without envy and servant leaders learn to speak in the same way.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency, to speak “truth without envy” or to be “envious”? What is the result in my leadership?   
• When have I spoken with envy? What was the result in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke?  
• Reflect on John the Baptist’s statement in John 3:27-30. In what way could John have been tempted to speak with envy? What can we learn from his example?
• Can I think of another time when Jesus could have been envious but instead spoke the truth with no hint of envy? What can I learn from His example?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019

Paul calls us to speak the “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) and also says “Love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4). What does it mean for a leader to speak truth kindly? To be kind is to think about the other person’s feelings and not cause any harm or damage. So, leaders who speak truth kindly consider carefully how their words will impact the other person. They are intentionally careful not to cause harm to that person.

Speaking the truth kindly requires balance. Truth and kindness are both important and need to be balanced. Some leaders may be so concerned about kindness that they are afraid to speak the truth. This “kindness” damages the relationship because the truth is not revealed. But truth spoken harshly will also damage the relationship!

For example, if a worship leader prepares well but did not choose good songs, the pastor may say, “Those songs were terrible!” Is this the truth? Yes, but it was not spoken kindly! But if the pastor only says “You really prepared well,” it may be kind, but the truth that the worship leader needs to hear is not spoken. Both are needed.

The leader could speak truth kindly, “Thank you for leading the worship. I can tell that you prepared very well. However, I don’t think the songs were the best for our people. Let’s talk more about how to select good songs.” Servant leaders learn to balance truth with kindness.

Speaking the truth kindly reveals maturity. Some leaders speak truth with little care about the impact their message will have on the person who listens. They just want the truth to be known! They don’t stop to think about how the other person will receive their message.

Mature servant leaders think before they speak! They ask themselves, “What impact will the truth have on this person? What would I feel if I were in their place? How can I speak this truth as kindly as possible?” This is not easy and does not come naturally to most leaders, but kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. As leaders mature, God helps them to speak truth with kindness.

Speaking the truth kindly reflects Jesus. Jesus was able to speak truth in a kind way.

¹³People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁵Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” ¹⁶And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them (Mark 10:13-16).

The disciples were rebuking children, sending them away from Jesus. They were not even attempting to be kind! Jesus was not happy when he saw them—he was “indignant” or angry with the disciples!

Many leaders speak harsh words very quickly when they feel angry. In this situation they might say to the disciples, “What do you think you are doing? I didn’t tell you to turn them away, you’re wrong. Stop rebuking those parents!” This is all true, but not kind! The disciples were wrong in rebuking the parents who brought their children to Jesus. And they needed to know the truth!

Jesus spoke the truth but did it kindly even when he was angry. He spoke so carefully that He had children in His arms as He spoke the truth. He corrected the disciples but didn’t embarrass them publicly for their mistake. He treated the disciples and the children with kindness. The disciples heard and saw the truth expressed so kindly that they never forgot the lesson.

Servant leaders make an impact by speaking the truth kindly. They carefully consider the impact their words will have on the other and use kindness to allow the truth to penetrate as deeply as possible.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency: to speak “truth” or to be “kind”? What is the result in my leadership?
• When have I spoken truth, but not with kindness? What results did I see in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke? How could I have spoken the truth in that situation with kindness? Do I need to apologize to that person?
• Can I think of another time when Jesus spoke kindly? What can I learn from His example?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019. 

Paul calls us to speak the “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) and also says “Love is patient” (1 Corinthians 13:4). How can leaders speak the truth patiently? Patience simply means to accept delays without becoming angry or annoyed. So, speaking the truth patiently requires leaders to think carefully about the timing of their words. They acknowledge that sometimes speaking the truth in love requires waiting or taking more time than they might want to take.

Speaking the truth patiently requires balance.

Truth needs to be expressed, but patience requires a willingness to wait. The two must be balanced to speak truth in love. Some leaders may be so “patient” that they never actually speak the truth!

More often, leaders may want to just get the truth out too quickly. They quote Jesus’ words, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).And they reason, “The sooner this person knows the truth, the better!” But speaking truth with patience requires balance. Servant leaders learn that they need to wait for the right time to speak the truth.

Speaking truth with patience may mean waiting until the person is ready for the truth. There may be a situation that requires waiting for a person to change so they are open to hear the truth. Sometimes speaking the truth in the presence of other persons may bring shame to the person instead of encouraging change. Servant leaders recognize that without patience, truth will not “set you free.” They are willing to wait for the right time to speak the truth. They recognize that love for the person is as important as love for the truth.

Speaking the truth patiently reveals maturity.

Immature leaders rush to speak the truth with little thought to timing. Truth often seems more urgent to proclaim than it really is. As leaders mature, they allow the fruit of patience to develop in their lives and sometimes choose to wait to speak the truth. They allow time for God to shape their own heart which may reveal a wrong motive. Mature leaders realize that not everyone is ready for truth at the same time and they are willing to wait with patience. Servant leaders wait for the right time, the right context, and the right motive.

Speaking the truth patiently reflects Jesus.

Jesus, a master leader, was able to wait for the right time to speak truth. He knew that Peter would deny him and spoke that truth to Peter in the upper room during the Passover meal (Luke 22:34). Later, Jesus was arrested, and Peter followed him to the courtyard of the High Priest where he denied knowing Jesus three times.

⁶⁰Peter replied, “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. ⁶ The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” ⁶²And he went outside and wept bitterly. (Luke 22:60-62)

As Peter finished his third betrayal, Jesus turns and looks at Peter. What was the truth in this situation? Peter had failed and betrayed His Lord. Many leaders would quickly speak the truth, “I told you that you would fail!”

But what does Jesus say? Nothing! Jesus was patient. He knew that this was not the right time to speak the truth. Peter needed time to weep and reflect on his actions.

Later, Jesus would come back to Peter and gently restore him by asking three times, “Peter, do you love me?” Then He called Peter to take care of “my sheep” (John 21:15-19). There was a time for truth, but Jesus spoke it only after waiting patiently.

Like Jesus, servant leaders learn to speak truth…patiently!

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency, to speak “truth” or to be “patient”? What is the result in my leadership?
• When have I spoken truth, but not with patience? What was the result in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke? What would have been a better time to speak truth?
• Can I think of another time when Jesus waited patiently to speak the truth? What can I learn from His example?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019.

Your words matter, a lot! It matters what you say, how you say it and why you say what you do! Solomon’s words, “the tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21), are true for everyone, but should especially challenge leaders who use their tongues to influence others.

In my leadership, I have often reflected on Paul’s exhortation to speak the “truth in love.” He says, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15).

Recently, however, a colleague* challenged me to think more deeply about what it means to balance truth and love. He linked this “truth in love” statement with Paul’s description of love, ⁴“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

So, speaking the “truth in love” demands that we speak truth patiently, with kindness, without envy, and so on down the list. That list gives me a lot to work on as a leader!

In this series we will look at the list one by one to discover how speaking truth in love will impact our leadership. First, in this issue, let’s reflect on what we learn as servant leaders from Paul about “speaking the truth in love.”

Speaking truth in love requires balance.

Truth and love often seem to conflict with each other. We choose to speak the truth or we speak with love. I have often spoken words to my spouse which offended her. But then I defended myself by saying, “But it’s the truth!” Yes, it was truth, but not spoken in love! Without a balance, the relationship was damaged. In other situations, I find it difficult to speak the truth with courage. I fear that I will hurt the person and damage our relationship. So, I avoid speaking the truth. But again, the relationship is weakened because there is no balance of truth and love.

Some personalities and some cultures will naturally speak truth while others find it easier to speak with love. But to all of us Paul says we must speak “truth in love.” Servant leaders learn to balance truth and love. This is not easy, and it is a journey! Paul says, “we will grow…” as we learn this art. In this series we’ll learn that while we may have mastered one element of speaking truth in love, there will be another that needs work!

Speaking truth in love reveals maturity.

Paul says that as we learn to speak truth in love, we will “grow to become mature.” How mature are you as a leader? You might think of your leadership position or role. You might count the number of years you have served as a leader. But Paul’s instruction reminds us that our ability to speak truth with love reveals how mature we are. Servant leaders measure maturity not in years of leadership, but in how well they speak the truth in love.

Speaking truth in love reflects Jesus.

Paul reminds us that as we mature, we reflect Christ, the head of the church. John describes Jesus as one, “who came from the Father, full of grace and truth”(John 1:14).He was full of both grace and truth, or love, a perfect balance. Jesus rebuked sharply and spoke tenderly. He courageously confronted injustice but spoke gently to the woman at the well.

In this series we’ll observe how Jesus spoke truth in love in every imaginable situation. The goal of all servant leaders is to reflect Jesus in all they do. As servant leaders learn to speak like Jesus, balancing truth and love, they learn to lead like Jesus.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Where am I on the journey to balance truth and love? How does my culture influence me in this? How does my personality impact me in whether I more easily speak the truth or speak with love? What would a better balance look like at home? In my area of service?           
• What is my maturity level if measured by how well I speak the truth in love? Would those under my leadership rate me as strong, average or weak in the way I express truth and love?
• Reflect on a recent conversation with a colleague or friend. Was my speech more loving or more truthful, or was it balanced? What can I learn about myself from that conversation? In what way could I have strengthened that relationship with a better balance of truth and love?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019.

We have looked a David’s life to reflect on all kinds of emotions including joy, sorrow, fear, anger, guilt and vengeance. We’ll conclude our reflections on emotion with peace…a pleasant place to finish!  

¹Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. ²Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. ³How long will you assault me? Would all of you throw me down— this leaning wall, this tottering fence? ⁴Surely they intend to topple me from my lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. ⁵Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. ⁶Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. ⁷My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. ⁸Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge (Psalm 62:1-8).

David writes these words from a place of peaceful rest. He mentions rest several times as well as calls God his “rock”, “fortress”, and “refuge.” What does he teach us about peace?

Peace should be recognized. David says, “Truly my soul finds rest in God.” He is at a place of peaceful rest. Peace is an emotion we can easily overlook because it does not have the intensity of many other emotions. We are more likely to recognize when we feel anxious or angry. There are no loud bells or whistles to alert us to this emotion, just a quiet sense that our soul is at rest. When we are experiencing peace, it may feel so comfortable that we don’t recognize it!

We may believe that the emotion of peace can be experienced only when all is well. But David makes it clear that he is experiencing peace during an assault from his enemies! David helps servant leaders learn to recognize that peace is possible even during difficult times.

Peace should be revealed. David reveals that he is at a place of peace and rest. He reveals this emotion to himself and to others. He speaks about the state of his soul as he says, “my soul finds rest in God.” He also speaks to his soul, “Yes, my soul, find rest in God…” He invites servant leaders to not only reveal emotion but to direct their emotion in the proper direction. Finally, he invites others to join him in this emotion, “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” His call is an invitation to all servant leaders who lack peace. David invites us to focus on God as a refuge for whatever storm we may be encountering.

When peace is missing, it may indicate that we are focused on the storm swirling around us instead of the “rock” who provides peace in the storm. Servant leaders learn to reveal peace and know what to do when they find it missing.

Peace should be restrained. Many of the emotions we have looked at need wise restraint to minimize any negative impact. But peace is generally a very positive emotion. It seems that we should desire more peace, not less! Yes, peace is a great emotion and most leaders should seek more of it. But there are also ways it can hinder our leadership.

A leader may enjoy a sense of peace so much that he/she is not willing to make difficult decisions and move forward courageously. Leaders cannot be satisfied with the way things are; they desire to bring change. They should do this with a peaceful spirit, but with many other emotions involved to overcome the friction of movement. There may also be times when peace is the wrong emotion. In the face of injustice, anger may be a more appropriate emotion than peace! So, servant leaders learn, as with other emotions, that peace at times should be restrained.

May you experience peace, as well as the full range of other emotions that God created us to feel. And may your leadership reflect appropriate expressions of them all! Use the ‘feelings wheel’ below to remind you that feelings are an important part of our journey.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Would others describe me as a peaceful person?
• Have I learned to “speak” to my soul as David did? If not, stop and practice! Reflect on what emotions you feel in your soul, then speak words of correction to yourself.
• Do I tend to experience too little or too much peace? What does David teach me about how to correct that?
• At the end of this series on emotions, take some time to reflect with the following questions:
  • How have I grown in my awareness of how I am feeling?
  • How have I changed in my willingness to let others know my emotions?
  • How have these changes impacted my leadership?              

In the next issue, we’ll begin a series on speaking the truth in love!  

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019

When someone has opposed your leadership, have you ever wished you could just hit them in the face? Or, knowing that action doesn’t sound very Christian, did you wish God would do the same?

Every leader has moments when the natural response is to take revenge and see someone else suffer. David certainly had these times in his life as he experienced opposition from many different places. Psalm 109 records one of these situations.  

¹My God, whom I praise, do not remain silent, ²for people who are wicked and deceitful have opened their mouths against me; they have spoken against me with lying tongues. ³With words of hatred they surround me; they attack me without cause. ⁴In return for my friendship they accuse me, but I am a man of prayer. ⁵They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship. ⁶Appoint someone evil to oppose my enemy; let an accuser stand at his right hand.  When he is tried, let him be found guilty, and may his prayers condemn him. ⁸May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership. ⁹May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. ¹⁰May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes. ¹¹May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor…. ²⁷Let them know that it is your hand, that you, LORD, have done it. ²⁸While they curse, may you bless; may those who attack me be put to shame, but may your servant rejoice. ²⁹May my accusers be clothed with disgrace and wrapped in shame as in a cloak. ³⁰With my mouth I will greatly extol the LORD; in the great throng of worshippers I will praise him. ³¹For he stands at the right hand of the needy, to save their lives from those who would condemn them (Psalm 109:1-11; 27-31).

Vengeance should be recognized. David recognizes what he is feeling. He wants revenge! He wants those who oppose him to suffer! Vengeance is a strong emotion that stirs up intense feelings.

Many leaders would prefer not to acknowledge these kinds of feelings since they seem so wrong. But servant leaders learn to recognize vengeance. They acknowledge that it is better to recognize vengeance than to pretend it does not exist.

Vengeance should be revealed. David recognizes his emotion and writes it down for all of us to see! (There is more revealed if you take time to read the entire chapter!) Although David is a “leader after God’s own heart,” he is secure enough to be honest with what he feels and to share this with everyone.

Many Christian leaders find this emotion difficult to reveal since it seems so negative and so unlike Christ. What will others think about me if I reveal what I am feeling? Yet, until vengeance is revealed it cannot be redeemed. Servant leaders learn to reveal vengeance knowing that as they do, God will be able to direct them to deal with it in an appropriate way.

Vengeance should be restrained. While David revealed his desire for vengeance on his enemies, he fortunately did not act on his feelings! Instead, he goes to worship with others. As he worships, David understands that it is God who will “save their lives from those who would condemn them.”

Servant leaders learn to restrain their vengeance. They don’t allow their leadership position to become a place to attack their enemies. They learn to join with others in worship and turn their desire for revenge over to God. He is the only one that can save us from those who condemn us as He also saves us from the poison of revenge in our own hearts.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• When is the last time I was hurt and really wanted revenge? What situation produced this emotion? Did I acknowledge and reveal my emotion or pretend it wasn’t there? Did I take it to God and ask Him to deliver me from the poison of revenge in my own heart?
• Reflect on Romans 12:17-21. What does it mean to “leave room for God’s wrath”? How can God change my heart so that I am able to bless my enemy? 
• Is it possible for our desire for vengeance to be in line with God’s judgement of wickedness? How do we know when our hearts and His are aligned?