Author: Jon Byler

Betrayal is a common experience in leadership which stirs up many emotions. Betrayal happens when a person close to us violates our trust. Betrayal itself is an action, not an emotion. But it often catches a leader by surprise and results in many different emotions such as anger, hurt, bewilderment, etc.

A church member may suddenly leave, taking some of your members to begin a new church. A business partner may take some of your customers and begin a rival business. A spouse may unexpectedly walk away from a marriage relationship. A close friend may reveal to someone else a private matter you shared in confidence. You find out that someone close to you has been lying. The pain from these kinds of betrayal feels like someone stabbed us in the back so ‘backstabbing’ is another word we use for betrayal.

David, like many leaders, experienced betrayal by a friend. We can examine only a portion of what he expressed in Psalm 55, ¹² “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. ¹³ But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, ¹⁴ with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers. ¹⁵ Let death take my enemies by surprise; let them go down alive to the realm of the dead, for evil finds lodging among them. ¹⁶ As for me, I call to God, and the LORD saves me. ¹⁷ Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. ¹⁸ He rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me” (Psalm 55:12-18).

David’s experience shows all servant leaders how to deal with the inevitable times of betrayal.

Betrayal should be recognized. David pours out his heart to God and says that if the insults had come from an enemy he could have hidden it. But “…it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.” David recognized the emotions which were stirred up by this betrayal. He was angry, fearful, and he wanted revenge.

Many leaders who experience betrayal know they are in pain but don’t stop to identify what they are feeling. But David helps servant leaders to recognize betrayal and to name the emotions that come with the pain.

Betrayal should be revealed. David didn’t pretend that he was not in pain, he revealed his emotion first to God and now to all of us. He says, ¹⁶ “As for me, I call to God, and the LORD saves me. ¹⁷ Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.” By writing these words, David revealed the pain of his betrayal and was able to process his reaction with God.

Too many leaders seek to bury the pain of betrayal by working harder or preaching louder. Or they reveal their pain in an angry outburst of harsh words which they later regret. Servant leaders, like David, expose the pain of their betrayal to God and ask Him for grace to walk through it.

Betrayal should be restrained. The way we respond to betrayal shapes our leadership. David declares at the end of this passage, ¹⁸ “He rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.” He realized that God “rescues me unharmed” and called him to continue in his role as a leader. David learned to forgive and release the pain so that he could continue leading well.

Servant leaders learn from David to restrain betrayal so that it does not keep them from leading like Jesus. With God’s grace they allow the pain of betrayal to make them better instead of bitter.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• Read all of Psalm 55. What more does this teach me about betrayal?
• Identify a time in the past when you experienced betrayal and then reflect on that experience by answering the following questions:
  • What was the situation in which I was betrayed?
  • What emotions did it stir in me?
  • Was I aware, at that time, of these emotions?
  • Did I appropriately reveal my emotions?
  • How did I respond to the person(s) who betrayed me and how did that impact my leadership?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

With our entire world connected by social media it seems that none of us should be lonely. But the United Kingdom recently appointed a “minister of loneliness” to deal with the increased social and health issues associated with this emotion.

Loneliness is not a new emotion; it was keenly felt by David when he said to God, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Psalm 25:16).

In another Psalm he pours out his heart, feeling all alone and forsaken even by God. ^{1 “}My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? ² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. ³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the one Israel praises… ¹⁰ From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God. ¹¹ Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help… ¹⁹ But you, LORD, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me. ²⁰ Deliver me from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs. ²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions; save me from the horns of the wild oxen. ²² I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you” (Psalm 22:1-3, 10-11, 19-22).

Leaders experience loneliness like everyone else. In addition, leaders often face an increased loneliness that comes from their leadership position. Although leaders work closely with people, they often face leadership challenges of which followers are not even aware. A business leader may wrestle alone with a financial decision that will impact the lives of many people. A pastor carries alone the weight of a church member in a personal crisis.

As a leader David also experienced loneliness and helps servant leaders understand how to lead with loneliness.

Loneliness should be recognized. David cries out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He recognizes that he is feeling abandoned by God. He felt all alone. Loneliness may also produce other emotions such as depression or sorrow, but David properly recognized that his primary feeling was abandonment or loneliness.

When loneliness is not identified, the pain is still keenly felt. Leaders are tempted to temporarily relieve the pain by overeating, indulgence in sexual fantasies or other illegitimate pleasures, addictive behaviors, etc. Servant leaders recognize loneliness, and this helps them guard their heart against moving in these unhealthy directions.

Loneliness should be revealed. David not only recognizes his emotion, he shares it with all of us! Leaders who seek to keep their loneliness hidden often sink further into depression or despair. Leaders who are willing to reveal their feeling of loneliness are able to adjust as needed and to take steps to avoid the pitfalls mentioned above.

Revealing loneliness also helps servant leaders seek help from God and others. David cried out to God, “Come quickly to help me.” Servant leaders learn to reveal their loneliness.

Loneliness should be restrained. David turns his focus from his own loneliness to say, “I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you.” David recognized that if he focused on his loneliness, it would take him in a wrong direction as a leader. He poured out his soul to God, but then moved on to acknowledge God’s strength and ability to help. He also knew that isolation would only increase his sense of loneliness and that God created “the assembly” as a community.

Servant leaders learn to restrain their loneliness so that it does not control their ability to lead. They don’t allow loneliness to keep them from others and, like David, deliberately seek relationships with others. They actively seek God’s presence in their lives and join with others in praise to God. In community, they learn to lead even when lonely.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Read all of Psalm 22 and reflect on how David experienced and expressed his loneliness. Jesus also quoted this Psalm of David when he was on the cross. How does this Psalm speak to me as a leader?
• As a leader, what situations do I face that produce loneliness in me? What can I learn from David about how to lead with loneliness?
• When I feel lonely, how can I express this to myself and others appropriately? What keeps me from expressing my loneliness?
• When I feel lonely, what specific temptations do I face? In what way do these temporarily cover my pain? What are more healthy ways to respond to my loneliness?
• Psalm 68:6 says that “God sets the lonely in families.” In what way do I find hope and connectedness with others? What do I need to do intentionally to strengthen my ‘family’ relationships?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

Can a servant leader experience depression? Consider David’s writing in Psalm 88.

“LORD, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you. ² May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry. ³ I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death. ⁴ I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like one without strength. ⁵ I am set apart with the dead, like the slain who lie in the grave, whom you remember no more, who are cut off from your care. ⁶ You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. ⁷ Your wrath lies heavily on me; you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. ⁸ You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; ⁹ my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, LORD, every day; I spread out my hands to you” (Psalm 88:1-9).

It is impossible to read this Psalm and not realize that David is in a very dark place. David, the “man after God’s own heart” is depressed! Depression is a state of sadness or grief that continues over time and impacts emotions, thinking and often actions. It is a very complex emotion because it can result from spiritual issues, painful life events, or other causes. But it can also be the result of chemical imbalances in the physical body which can be treated with medicine.

Servant leaders, as anyone else, can experience depression either temporarily or long-term. Servant leaders learn from David how to lead with depression.

Depression should be recognized. David admits that he is “in the darkest depths.” He feels like he will die soon and mentions his thoughts about the grave in several places. He feels that he has no friends and that even God is against him: “Your wrath lies heavily on me.” He cannot see a way out. This is one of the few psalms that does not end with a word of hope or a change of perspective.

Servant leaders learn to recognize when they experience depression. In themselves and others they learn to identify the signs of ongoing despair, a sense of hopelessness or worthlessness, and a fixation on death or suicidal thoughts.

Depression should be revealed. As with the other emotions David expressed, he is not afraid to reveal the depths of his despair as he cries out to God in this Psalm. But today, where can a leader, or even a follower, stand and say as David did, “I am overwhelmed with troubles”?

Depression is perhaps the most difficult of all emotions to reveal because of the stigma and shame usually associated with depression or other mental illnesses. The church, which should be the safest place for people who struggle, is often the first to condemn those who feel depressed. But depression can lead to suicide when it is not handled well and the worst thing a leader can do is to refuse to share it with God and others.

Servant leaders learn to reveal depression. They talk to God and with others revealing how they feel. They refuse to hide their condition.

Depression should be restrained. David, in this psalm, did not rise out of his depression and lead. But we know from his life story that he was able to restrain his depression so that it did not define his leadership.

Servant leaders also learn to not allow depression to become the controlling emotion of their leadership. When depression comes from chemical imbalances, servant leaders seek medical help and prayer as they would for any other sickness. If necessary, they step away from their leadership role for a time to find help and healing. And with God’s grace, they find ways to live and lead victoriously even with the heaviness of depression. There is hope for those who lead with depression!

If you, or someone you know, faces an ongoing battle with depression, I encourage you to learn more than space allows here. My wife’s story* is a good place to start.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• How does my culture view depression? In what ways has this impacted the way I see this emotion? How does the life of David challenge my views?
• Am I aware of the signs of depression in my own life or in those I serve?
• When in my life have I experienced depression? Was I able to recognize it at the time? Later?
• In what way can I reveal depression appropriately? Are there inappropriate ways of revealing my depression?
• How can I restrain my depression so that it does not control my leadership?
• Among those I serve, who struggles with depression? How do I respond to them as a leader? How aware am I of their struggle? Have I encouraged them to seek professional help?

 

*The emotion of depression is one that I have not struggled with personally, but it has touched my life deeply in walking closely with my wife, Loice, who has struggled with depression and anxiety for over 20 years. She has courageously refused to give in to the darkness and through prayer, medical help, and the support of many around her, continues to live and lead victoriously even with depression. She speaks openly on mental health and wrote a book about her journey, Living Victoriously with Anxiety and Depression.

You can purchase a hard copy for yourself or others by clicking this link. You may contact her through her website, www.FreedomInHimMinistries.com.

We cannot, in this short space, begin to explain the mental health issues surrounding depression. For information, I encourage you to visit http://kaywarren.com/mentalhealth/. This site was developed by Kay Warren. She and her husband Rick Warren had a son who committed suicide and through that pain they seek to help others who struggle.

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

From joy to sorrow, all leaders experience a broad range of emotions. Often they are mixed together as they were for David in Psalm 31. In the first verses he expresses his joy in God’s love but then he quickly reveals his sorrow.

 ⁹ Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. ¹⁰ My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak. ¹¹ Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbors and an object of dread to my closest friends— those who see me on the street flee from me. ¹² I am forgotten as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery. ¹³ For I hear many whispering, “Terror on every side!” They conspire against me and plot to take my life. ¹⁴ But I trust in you, LORD; I say, “You are my God.” ¹⁵ My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. ¹⁶ Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love. (Psalm 31:9-16)

Servant leaders learn from David how to lead with sorrow!

Sorrow should be recognized. The emotion of sadness or sorrow is one which we often view as a negative emotion. So many leaders try to ignore their sorrow and find it difficult to say, “I feel sad.” Instead they may choose to speak a “positive confession” to convince themselves and others that they are happy.

But David made no attempt to ignore his emotion: “My eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.” He recognizes exactly where he is emotionally. He recognizes that this emotion impacts his body, specifically his eyes, soul, body and bones. He is not deciding if his sorrow is right or wrong, he simply acknowledges what he is feeling in the moment.

Servant leaders learn to recognize their sorrow. They refuse to pretend that they are not sad. They pay attention to what is happening to their physical body in response to this emotion.  

Sorrow should be revealed. David doesn’t try to keep his sorrow hidden. He summarizes his situation, “I am in distress.” He continues his conversation with God, revealing deep emotion.

Even when sorrow is recognized, many leaders try to keep it hidden. For some, this comes from a desire to be seen as a ‘strong’ or ‘positive’ leader. They believe the lie that real leaders are always positive and victorious. Perhaps their culture does not allow “real men” to be sad or to shed tears.

But servant leaders learn that sadness is a part of being a real human. They find appropriate ways to express their sorrow. They might verbally admit that they are filled with sorrow in a certain situation. Or, as David did here, they might write a psalm of lament to God to reveal their feelings. Servant leaders do not need to apologize when a tear rolls down their cheek. They serve others by revealing their humanity.

Sorrow should be restrained. David recognized and revealed his sorrow but then he turns back to God. “But I trust in you, LORD; I say, ‘You are my God.’” He asks God to help him change the situation with his enemies.

David recognizes that he is still a leader in the midst of his sorrow and that his sorrow will not last forever. He wrote in the previous chapter, “…weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). So, he was able to lead in the midst of sorrow, but would not allow sorrow to control his leadership.

Servant leaders learn to restrain their sorrow. They cry out to God with their pain and then choose to focus on Him instead of their sorrow.  They lead on in the midst of sorrow.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• What does my culture teach me about expressing sorrow or sadness? How have I allowed that to influence my leadership?
• How can I balance the need to be a positive and optimistic leader with the need to be honest with my emotions?
• Read Genesis 33:4; 43:30; Ezra 3:12; 10:1; Nehemiah 1:4; Jeremiah 9:1; Luke 22:62; John 11:35; Acts 20:37; and Revelation 5:4. What do these passages teach me about leadership and tears?
• In what ways can I appropriately express my emotion of sorrow? Are there ways of expressing this emotion which would not be appropriate?
• How do I need to restrain my sorrow so that it does not control my leadership?

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

David experienced much pain and difficulty in his life, but he also experienced deep and sustaining joy, some of which he expressed in Psalm 33. ¹ Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him. ² Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre. ³ Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. ²⁰ We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. ²¹ In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. ²² May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you (Psalm 33:1-3; 20-22).

All servant leaders can learn to lead with joy from David’s instruction.

Joy should be recognized. David recognized his joy and invited others to join him with singing! The emotion of joy is easier to recognize since it is not usually considered a ‘negative’ or bad emotion. Most people do not struggle to know that they are feeling good!

But David helps servant leaders understand that joy is more than having a good day. He recognizes that joy does not come because of outward circumstances but from a conscious decision to focus on God’s goodness. He says, “In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.” This helps servant leaders recognize that joy can be experienced in any stage of the journey, even in the midst of other conflicting emotions.

Servant leaders learn to experience joy by focusing on God’s goodness in their lives and leadership.

Joy should be revealed. David’s instruction is for everyone to sing and “shout for joy.” Joy is to be expressed, not hidden! Some personalities have no trouble revealing their joy, it is part of their expressive nature. But other personalities are so restrained that even when they are joyful, no one else knows about it!

David invites all leaders to reveal their joy in singing! Songs of praise reveal joy and servant leaders express their joy with singing. But singing also produces joy. So when servant leaders need more joy they also sing!

Servant leaders learn to stop and celebrate, expressing joy and inviting others to join them. Like David, they lead by calling people to sing with joy.

Joy should be restrained. In the midst of David’s expressions of joy he acknowledged that he was waiting on the Lord and requested God to bless them with His “unfailing love.” His expression of joy did not mean denial of the needs which were also present. He did not allow his emotion to overlook reality. Some leaders focus so much on being positive that they do not admit realities.

David showed restraint. Servant leaders recognize the need for self-control in how they allow emotions to impact their leadership. They learn to be vulnerable and express emotions like joy. This allows them to be fully human as they lead, and emotion influences their leadership. But they don’t allow their emotion to control their leadership. They learn to balance feeling and thinking. Before making a decision, they seek to acknowledge their emotions, but they also separate facts from feelings.

Servant leaders are also able to restrain their own joy in order to connect with the emotion of those who are hurting. Servant leaders are aware of and sensitive to the needs of others around them, especially those who may be going through pain or struggle. This may call for some restraint in how they express their joy. But they also serve those who hurt by appropriately expressing their joy and inviting others to sing even in their pain. Gently, by their example of expression and restraint, they invite others to experience joy that is greater than the challenges of life.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Read David’s entire chapter, Psalm 33. What additional insights does this give me on the emotion of joy?
• If I am not experiencing joy, is it because I am focused on my circumstances instead of God’s goodness? How can I learn from this Psalm to change my focus?
• Do I easily express my joy or do I find it difficult to reveal this emotion?
• Am I aware of and sensitive to the needs of those I lead who are experiencing pain? Am I most likely to ignore their pain and keep rejoicing, or to silence my own joy?
• If I lead in an environment where singing is not an appropriate or accepted expression of joy, how can I invite the people to express joy?

 

David is known as “a man after God’s own heart” for many reasons. But I believe that one of the reasons is because he was able to appropriately express to God a wide range of emotions. We’ll look at some of David’s emotions from the book of Psalms and consider what they mean for leaders.

First, consider David’s emotion when his own son, Absalom, turned against him and he was fleeing for his life. ⁷ Arise, Lord! Deliver me, my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked. ⁸ From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people (Psalm 3:7-8).

David didn’t walk calmly out of Jerusalem; he was angry! All leaders will experience the emotion of anger and David gives an example to servant leaders of how to lead with anger.

Anger should be recognized. It is not difficult to recognize that David is angry; he makes no attempt to hide his feelings. After a lifetime of seeking to serve God as a leader, he was running away from a son. His anger was real. If he was leading today he might say, “God, punch my enemies in the face, knock their teeth out!” Servant leaders learn to recognize their anger. They realize that anger is an emotion that we all experience. The emotion itself can be good or bad. Often we are angry because we feel hurt or wronged. Repentance is the appropriate response. At other times, leaders may be angry because of injustice or sin. In this case, anger reflects God’s heart and should lead us to obedient action.

Many leaders try to hide their anger, especially those who, like me, have believed that the emotion itself is a sin. They may call it something else that seems less sinful. They might admit that they are “annoyed” or “upset” but the truth is that they are angry! When anger is not recognized, it cannot be handled appropriately. Recognition of anger is not sin; denial is!

Anger should be revealed. David revealed his anger, and recorded it so that we can still examine it thousands of years later! Thankfully, David did not try to hide his emotion as many leaders do. There are many ways to reveal anger—some are healthy and many are unhealthy! Anger is often revealed openly in violent outbursts with harsh words that destroy relationships. Most leaders recognize that this is not helpful. So, many leaders seek to suppress the explosion and instead resort to clenched jaws and tightened muscles which no one can see. They believe that because the emotion is not visible, it is under control.

But servant leaders learn to reveal anger as David did. They are able to say it first to themselves, and when helpful to others, “I am angry!” As they reveal their emotion in healthy ways, followers learn to trust them as authentic leaders with feelings. Appropriate expression of emotion also improves the leader’s own emotional health.

Anger should be restrained. David recognized his anger and revealed it for all of us to see. But he did not allow anger to control his leadership; he restrained his emotion. David turns from his anger to a focus on God. He wanted personal revenge on his enemies but realized that deliverance would come “from the LORD.” And he finishes this psalm with a request for God to bless His people! In one verse he goes from anger to blessing!

Servant leaders learn to restrain their anger. When their anger is wrong, they cry out to God for a change of heart, with a goal to be “slow to become angry” (James 1:19). They ask forgiveness from those they have offended and model how to admit sin.

When anger is the appropriate response to a situation, servant leaders channel the anger into action to address the issue and invite others to join them in the cause. They lead as humans who have anger as an emotion, but do not allow their leadership to become emotional.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• Am I aware of when I am angry, or do I deny it? Do others ever say to me, “You are angry,” but I deny it? What might they be able to see in me that I cannot see? What happens in my physical body when I am angry?
• How do I usually reveal my anger? (An angry explosion, tears, withdrawal, silence, etc.) In what ways is my response godly and in what ways is it sinful?
• Am I quick to repent and ask forgiveness from God and others when I am angry for the wrong things or express anger in hurtful ways? Is there anyone I need to go to and ask forgiveness?
• Are there things which God wants me to be angry about which I have not allowed myself to feel? What might He want me to do about them as a leader?
• Write a personal ‘psalm’ to God, expressing anger honestly. Make sure you end it with a note of praise.
• For further study on anger consider these verses and reflect on what you learn. Cautions against anger: Psalm 37:8; Proverbs 14:17; 16:32; 22:24; Ecclesiastics 7:9; Titus 1:7; James 1:19. Examples of God’s anger: Numbers 25:3, Joshua 7:1; Psalm 7:11. Examples of “good” anger: Exodus 32:19; Nehemiah 5:6; Leviticus 10:16; 1 Samuel 11:16; Matthew 21:12. Other “angry” Psalms: 35, 37, 69:22-29, 79:1-13, 109, 137.

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

I begin this series with a personal confession. At the age of 55, after many years of leading and teaching on leadership, I am beginning to realize that I have often not been aware of my own emotions. In fact, I’ve tried hard to keep my emotions from impacting my leadership. I allowed myself to believe that some emotions were wrong and therefore denied that I had them. So this series on the leader and emotion will be my own journey of discovery. But I invite you to join with me as I discover how servant leaders live and lead with emotion. First, in this issue, an introduction to emotions from the life of Jesus.

³³ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴ “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. ³⁵ Jesus wept. ³⁶ Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” ³⁷ But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” (John 11:33-37).

Jesus was a perfect leader and He was a leader with emotions. This story gives only a glimpse of His emotions but will provide a framework to understand how emotions should correctly shape our leadership.

Emotions should be recognized. Jesus didn’t deny His emotions, He acknowledged them. He was “deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” Something was happening deeply inside of Him and He recognized it. Jesus knew that to be human was to experience emotion since humans are made in the image of God.

Many leaders, like myself, struggle to recognize what they are feeling. Ask a leader for his/her thoughts and the response will be immediate. But ask about his/her feelings and you might get an awkward silence! Servant leaders learn to recognize their emotions. They are in touch with what is going on inside of their hearts.*

Emotions should be revealed. “Jesus wept.” This shortest verse in the Bible speaks volumes about Jesus as a leader. Jesus revealed his sorrow and pain in the presence of those gathered to mourn the death of Lazarus. In many cultures men are trained not to express emotions. In other cultures the expression of some emotions are acceptable for leaders, but other emotions are not. Family systems can have unspoken rules about how emotions can or cannot be expressed. My own family did not encourage the expression of ‘negative’ emotions so for many years I did not want to acknowledge anger.

But servant leaders learn to reveal their emotions in appropriate ways. Sometimes this will be in public as Jesus demonstrated. But at other times, they may reveal their emotions to a close friend or simply to God. Servant leaders learn to express, not suppress, their emotions.

Emotions should be restrained. Jesus recognized His emotions and He was not afraid to reveal them to everyone. But He was not controlled by His sorrow! He continued to do the work He was called to do, raising Lazarus from the dead.

Servant leaders recognize and appropriately reveal their emotions, but they are not governed by them. They learn to lead with emotions, not by emotions. They recognize the difference between having emotion and being emotional. They ask God for the “self-control” that is a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22) and restrain their emotions as needed.

Jesus led with emotion and we can also learn to lead with emotion. In the following issues we’ll examine different emotions every leader will experience by looking at how David led with emotion. He expressed in the Psalms the range of emotions that we all experience.

 

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

*A tool that has helped me to recognize what I am feeling is the “Feeling Wheel” developed by Dr. Gloria Willcox. Click here to download.

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• What has been my perspective on emotions as a leader? How is my perspective shaped by my culture? By my personality? By the family systems in which I grew up? How has this perspective impacted my leadership either positively or negatively?
• On a scale of 1-10, how aware am I of the emotions I experience on a daily basis? How does this impact my leadership? How can I can grow in my awareness of how I am feeling?
• What does it mean for me to express my emotions appropriately? Are there times I have expressed my emotions inappropriately? What did that do to my relationships with those I lead?
• To what extent is my leadership controlled by my emotions? Is there a time in the last week that I responded to a leadership issue based on my feelings instead of what was needed by those I serve?

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

Jesus resisted using His calling for provision and He refused to use His charisma for promotion. But the devil had one more temptation for Jesus before He began His public ministry. ⁸ Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ⁹ “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” ¹¹ Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him (Matthew 4:8-11).

This temptation does not involve Jesus’ identity. Instead, the enemy reveals “all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor” and says to Jesus, “All this I will give you…” It was an offer of the power, position and prestige that many leaders enjoy. This temptation relates to the privileges of leadership. But the enemy’s offer came with a high price. He asked Jesus to worship him. He tempted Jesus to compromise His character to gain privilege.

The temptation to compromise character by coveting privilege. The devil said to Jesus, “All this I will give you.” The enemy wanted Jesus to covet the privileges of leadership more than the cost of leadership. Jesus deserved the privilege which makes this temptation even more difficult for Jesus than for us. But He had deliberately given that up for the sake of His mission to save us. (See Philippians 2:5-8.)

Most leaders dream of what it would be like to have a little more wealth, honor, recognition, fame, a bigger church or a business that makes it big. What would it be like to be on the cover of the leadership magazine or to receive the “Leader of the year” award? The enemy still tests our hearts to see if we will focus on our desire for privilege. Servant leaders do not refuse recognition or privilege, but they refuse to make that the desire of their hearts. Coveting privilege is the front line of the battle. If this battle is lost here, the other two aspects of this temptation will quickly follow.

The temptation to compromise character by changing focus for privilege. A part of the enemy’s temptation of Jesus was to invite Jesus to focus on what He could get out of leadership instead of what He would give as a leader. He wanted Jesus to change the focus of His leadership.

All leaders are tempted to focus on what they will get out of leadership rather than what they can give. It is normal to ask, “What’s in it for me? What will I get in return?”

But Jesus knew His focus was to give and to serve. Privilege would come from that, but He would not shift His focus to self. Servant leaders see their leadership as an opportunity to give, not to get. They refuse to focus on the privileges of leadership.

The temptation to compromise character by conceding worship for privilege. Finally the devil named his price, “if only you will bow down and worship me.” Here Jesus was tempted to exchange His worship of the true God for privileges of leadership. The plan of the enemy is for us to compromise our integrity to gain privilege. He whispers, “You can have it all…if you will only…cheat, tell a ‘small’ lie, withhold taxes, or hide your mistakes.”

Servant leaders follow Jesus’ example and refuse to worship anything except God. They see their leadership as a sacred privilege to be used to focus people’s worship on God, not themselves or even their vision. They guard against the temptation to worship their vision instead of God. Servant leaders cry out to Jesus to give them strength to overcome the temptation to compromise their character for privilege.

Jesus’ victory provides a model for us to follow and His Spirit within provides the power for us to overcome the temptations that come with leadership.

 

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• How much do I honestly desire power, wealth, fame or honor? What does this say about the condition of my heart?
• In what ways have I recently been tempted to compromise character to gain privileges in my leadership?
• Do I focus more on what I can give in my leadership or what I will get out of my leadership? How does this impact my ability to lead as a servant?
• How am I tempted to worship the vision God has given me instead of worshipping Him?

 

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

Jesus resisted the first temptation to use His calling to provide His identity, physical or personal needs. So, the devil brought a second temptation to Jesus as he will to all leaders.

⁵ Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. ⁶ “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” ⁷ Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” (Matthew 4:5-7)

This temptation came at the beginning of Jesus’ ministry. He had a mission but He was still unknown. He did not yet have followers. The temptation was to do something dramatic that would promote himself and create an immediate following.

All leaders are promoters; they call people to join a mission and that requires sharing the vision and influencing others to follow. Leaders need charisma^*—the ability to attract or influence followers. Jesus’ temptation, and ours, is to use leadership charisma to promote the wrong things.

The temptation to use leadership charisma to promote self. The enemy whispers to Jesus, “If you are the Son of God…throw yourself down.” What is he saying to Jesus? “Are you really who you say you are? Prove it! Produce a miracle, then others will follow you.” The temptation for Jesus was to use His leadership to promote Himself.

All leaders are tempted to do whatever they can to make themselves look good. Some use God-given supernatural powers. Others use their physical abilities to build their own kingdom. Some use their power of persuasion to get people to follow them. They gain influence by making themselves look good. But servant leaders use their leadership charisma to make others look good! They promote the vision God has given them instead of drawing attention to themselves.

The temptation to use leadership charisma to promote action. The temptation of the enemy was to “throw yourself down.” Behind this was the unstated challenge, “If you’re a leader, do something! Make something happen and people will follow you. People follow results. Show them what you can do!” If Jesus would have jumped off the top of the temple and landed safely on the ground, people would have gladly followed Him as a man of action, a powerful leader! Jesus knew that leadership involves action but the action must be focused on the mission. A jump would promote action but would not result in any benefit for God’s Kingdom.

Leaders act and their actions influence others to follow. They take risks for the cause they are promoting whether that is to advance their business, develop their staff, or build their church. But all leaders are tempted to promote action that builds their own image instead of advancing the cause. They become addicted to action and cannot stop and rest. Action becomes their god. Servant leaders refuse to worship activity; they focus on the mission and act only to move towards the goal.

The temptation to use leadership charisma to promote partial truth. The enemy quoted Scripture and this is the only time his words were true! But Jesus reminded him that “It is also written….” Jesus recognized that partial truth is a lie.

Leaders are tempted to reveal only the part of the truth that makes them look good or that will appeal to the listeners. They build influence by speaking only what will attract followers. Servant leaders refuse to use their charisma to deceive followers. They promote the whole truth no matter what the results.

Jesus didn’t jump! He would use His leadership charisma to promote the right things and He calls all servant leaders to follow His example.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

^*Charisma is the ability to attract the attention and admiration of others, often a trait of personality. Leaders with charisma influence people to follow them.

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• In what ways am I tempted as a leader to use my charisma to promote myself? Are there any actions I have taken in the past week that were simply to impress others with my leadership?
• How am I tempted to show people what I can accomplish so they will follow me? Are there any ways that I am addicted to action and cannot be satisfied with rest?
• What part of truth am I tempted to not say to my followers? What is my fear and what does it say about the condition of my heart?
• What things should I be promoting with all the charisma I possess? How can I do this more like Jesus?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018

Leaders face temptations like everyone else, but they also face unique temptations because of their leadership gifts, calling and roles. Jesus faced these temptations at the beginning of His leadership journey, and shows all servant leaders how to identify these tests and how to resist them. In the first of three temptations, Matthew records the devil’s request for Jesus to turn stones into bread.

¹ Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. ² After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. ³ The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” ⁴ Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God’” (Matthew 4:1-4).

The tempter didn’t question Jesus’ ability to make the stones become bread. So what was the test and how does it apply to us as leaders? This was a temptation to use His calling to provide for His needs. Every leader will be tempted to use their leadership calling as provision for their needs in three ways.

The temptation to use leadership calling as provision for personality needs. The devil very cleverly tested Jesus’ identity with the words, “If you are the Son of God…” His temptation was for Jesus to prove His identity by performing a miracle. He tempted Jesus to use His power to prove who He was. But Jesus refused to allow His leadership calling to shape His identity. His identity was already deeply rooted in His relationship with His Father.

It is easy for leaders to find their identity in their calling or role. Leaders often introduce themselves by saying, “I’m the pastor…chairman…or CEO.” Of course, there is nothing wrong with having an identity as a leader. The temptation, however, is to use our leadership role to provide our identity. Servant leaders refuse to allow their role to define who they are.

The temptation to use leadership calling as provision for physical needs. Jesus was hungry and ready for something to eat after 40 days of fasting. Jesus had a legitimate physical need. The temptation for Jesus was to use His power to meet these physical needs. But He responded, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Jesus implies that His calling is to higher things than the physical. He was called to help people find purpose for their lives, a sense of fulfillment, to develop their own gifts and to see the needs of the world as He did. To use His leadership for “bread alone” would have been a great compromise.

All leaders have physical needs for food, money, and housing. These physical needs are legitimate, just as Jesus’ need for food was normal. But the physical needs should not be the focus of our leadership. Servant leaders gratefully accept God’s provision for their physical needs, but focus their leadership on a higher purpose.

The temptation to use leadership calling as provision for personal needs. The temptation to turn the stones into bread was for Jesus to use His calling to serve Himself instead of serving others. He was called to be the Bread of Life and to offer Himself to others, feeding them physically and spiritually. But Jesus refused to allow His leadership to fulfill His own needs, choosing instead to offer Himself for the sake of others.

Leaders are tempted to use their positions to focus on what they get out of the role instead of what they can give to others. Servant leaders follow Jesus’ example and focus on what they can give rather than what they will get. They recognize that leadership is a sacred calling, not a means to physical gain.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

 

For further reflection and discussion:

• In what ways am I tempted to allow my leadership to shape my identity? If I would lose my current position or role, would I still know who I am?
• In what ways does my leadership role provide for my physical needs? Are there ways that I am tempted to see my calling as primarily to provide for the physical? If so, what is the result in my leadership? What is the ‘higher’ calling of my leadership role?
• Does my leadership focus more on what I can give or what I will get from the role?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.