Issue #410, October 29, 2025

Healthy leaders pay attention to their heart, the seat of their emotions. In the previous issue we recognized the power of our heart to direct our lives and the difficulty in understanding it. David acknowledged his desire to have an undivided heart. He also cried out to God for help in understanding the condition of his heart.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts (Psalm 139:23).

David’s cry to God to search, know and test his heart was his attempt to gauge the condition of his heart. His cry gives serving leaders insight into how we can begin to understand the condition of our hearts.

The condition of our heart is gauged with vulnerability.   

David’s posture is one of extreme vulnerability. He cries out to God to take a close look into the depths of his own heart and soul, to “search” and “know” and “test” his heart—a risky step but vital step towards understanding his heart.  Already in the first verses of this Psalm, David has already acknowledged that God knows his thoughts and words even before they are expressed. (See Ps. 139:1-6). So, now he is secure enough to invite God to help him understand his own heart. For leaders, vulnerability is not weakness—it is a strength that brings greater self-awareness and cultivates trust with those who follow.

 Some leaders choose to lead without vulnerability. They focus on getting the work done and consider any discussion of emotions as conversation for weak leaders.  But serving leaders recognize that their emotions impact their leadership and the condition of their heart is of primary importance. So, they are willing to be vulnerable with themselves, with God and others. 

The condition of our heart is gauged by searching. 

David’s primary request of God is “Search me…” This implies sustained, intentional attention to his heart. He welcomes God into this space to help him understand the condition of his heart. 

Some leaders prefer not to search their hearts and have no desire to know what is happening deep in their heart.  But serving leaders intentionally search for understanding of their internal world, their heart. They acknowledge that they cannot see their own blind spots and ask God and others for help.

The condition of our heart is gauged by acknowledging emotions.

David asks God to examine his “anxious thoughts.” He acknowledges that he has the emotion of anxiety and invites God to help him find out what it says about his heart. Identifying and acknowledging emotions is not an easy task for leaders. Leaders often notice only a few surface emotions but struggle to identify deeper feelings below the surface. In a meeting they may recognize frustration but not be aware of the anxiety driving it. This has been an area of continued growth for me! I have worked hard in this area and still have much to learn!  I have been helped by using a “feelings wheel”(*) to identify and acknowledge what I am feeling. 

Some leaders prefer not to take the risk of acknowledging their emotions. They may recognize an occasional outburst of emotion when it is evident to all but certainly have no interest in digging deeper to see what is under the surface. But serving leaders want to know and understand what is happening in their hearts. They pause often to reflect on what they are feeling, not simply what they are thinking.

For further reflection and discussion:

On a scale of 1 to 10, how aware am I of my own emotions? How does this impact my leadership?

How often am I vulnerable enough to ask God, or someone close to me, to help me understand what is happening in my emotions? Do I need the help of a counselor or professional to help me in this area?

What causes me anxiety as a leader? Do I notice what issues are on my mind when I wake up in the morning—signs of my subconscious emotions? 

Are there lies I have allowed myself to believe about my emotions? If so, how can I align my thoughts with truth? (For example, many leaders see some emotions as “good” and some as “bad.” Since we want to be good, it is difficult to acknowledge an emotion we have labeled as “bad.” There might be many other falsehoods we have accepted about emotions that are not aligned with scripture.)

What is the difference between healthy awareness of emotion and being emotional as a leader? (Reflect on what it means to be aware of emotion that informs our leadership vs. allowing feelings to determine our words and actions.) Which side do you tend to lead from?

In addition to the verses mentioned in this issue, read and reflect on the following verses about the heart: Psalm 13:2, 73:21-22; Proverbs 21:2, 29:11; Jeremiah 17:9-10; Matthew 26:37-38; Mark 3:5; Luke 19:41-44; John 11:33-35; and Philippians 4:7    How do these verses deepen my understanding about the condition of my heart?      

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll examine how to guard the direction of our heart.

*Many versions of “feelings wheel” can be found online, a sample is here.

Note: Some of the thoughts for this series were inspired by the book, The Wholehearted Leader, by Simon and Ceri Harris.  The book focuses primarily on the emotions of the heart and their impact on leadership. While the biblical view of the heart is broader than emotions, it certainly includes emotions, which is often overlooked in leadership. The book offers great insight on how leaders can lead with healthy hearts.

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Issue #409, October 15,  2025

Most leadership writing is action focused, which is natural since leaders value results. Yet, the Bible focuses more on matters of the heart, mentioning our heart more than 500 times, certainly an indication of how significant our heart is. While the biblical view of the heart encompasses the mind, will and emotions, in this series we will focus primarily on the element of emotions, our feelings, and how our heart impacts our leadership. The verses below help us understand the significance of the heart and why it is worth our careful attention. 

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV).

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

“Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name” (Ps. 86:11).

 These verses help us grasp the significance of our hearts.

Our heart is directive.   

The writer of Proverbs says clearly that everything we do flows from our heart. Our heart determines our direction and influences our actions. Our heart directs what we say and do. Often, our actions are guided by emotions hidden deep in our heart. This is why when Samuel was choosing a king God told him “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7b). God was looking much deeper than what showed on the outside; He looked into the heart.

Some leaders seek to change their behavior and do what is right without examining their hearts. But serving leaders seek to understand the feelings in their hearts that are shaping their behavior.

Our heart is difficult.   

Jeremiah asks, “Who can understand the heart?” It is “deceitful” and therefore difficult to understand. We will not easily know what is happening in our hearts. Our emotions, motives, and intentions are often hidden even from our own awareness. It is not easy for leaders to acknowledge the difficulty of knowing their own heart. Followers expect action and results and leaders tend to focus on the externals rather than doing the hard work of examining their own heart. Even those who attempt to understand their hearts encounter the truth of Jeremiah and recognize that their own heart can deceive them.

Some leaders arrogantly assume that they know themselves quite well and don’t question their own hearts. But serving leaders embrace the challenge of understanding their own hearts.  

Our heart is divided.

David, the leader known as “the man after God’s own heart”, cries out to God for an “undivided” heart! He is acknowledging the reality that despite our best intentions and our honest internal work, our hearts remain divided. We have mixed motives. There is a disconnect between what we think and what we feel and we are often unaware of the feelings that lie below our actions.

Some leaders ignore the warning signs of a divided heart. They plunge ahead with more good actions and seek to improve their behavior with no regard for the emotions in their hearts.  But serving leaders recognize the reality of a divided heart and cry out to God for an undivided heart before acting.

For further reflection and discussion:

• In my own leadership how aware am I of how significant my heart/emotions are? In what way does my awareness, or lack of awareness, impact my leadership?
• What is a recent leadership action that I knew was not the best? What emotion was in my heart that led to that behavior? Was there a need that I had underneath that emotion? Did I seek to identify the feeling that led to the behavior or simply to change the behavior?
• How fully have I accepted the reality that my heart is deceitful? What impact does this have on how I lead?
• In what ways is my own heart divided? (Reflect on a recent leadership decision. What were my thoughts and what were my feelings? Was there alignment between my feelings and thoughts or were they divided? Did feelings or thoughts most shape my action?)  
• In addition to the verses mentioned in this issue, read and reflect on the following verses about the heart: Proverbs 23:7, 27:19; Jeremiah 17:10; Matthew 15:18-19; and Luke 6:45. How do these verses deepen my understanding about the value of the heart?    

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll look at how to gauge the condition of our heart.

Note: Some of the thoughts for this series were inspired by the book, The Wholehearted Leader, by Simon and Ceri Harris.  The book focuses primarily on the emotions of the heart and their impact on leadership. While the biblical view of the heart is broader than emotions, it certainly includes emotions, which is often overlooked in leadership. The book offers great insight on how leaders can lead with healthy hearts.

Issue #408, October 1, 2025

Do you consider yourself a follower of Jesus or a friend of Jesus? The difference is profoundly significant. The words Jesus gave His disciples invite us to an intimate friendship:

¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other  (John 15:14-17).

Friendship implies a close intimate relationship. Jesus reveals to the disciples that He desires an intimate friendship with them, much deeper than they have imagined. And He graciously shows them the way to this intimacy.

Intimate leaders are friends as they obey the commands of Jesus.

Jesus says, “You are my friends if you do what I command.” Obedience is expected and required for the followers of Jesus. He gave many commands to be obeyed.  His commands in the context of this chapter focus on remaining or abiding in Him. Obedience to the commands to abide will produce intimacy and friendship. This is not a burdensome journey to win His friendship; it is a journey of deepening intimacy of relationship.  Intimacy without obedience is impossible; but obedience without intimacy happens to many leaders, myself included! 

Some leaders seek to win God’s favor through obedience alone without abiding. But serving leaders seek to walk so intimately with Jesus that they obey as friends on a journey. 

Intimate leaders are friends as they understand the desires of Jesus.

Jesus clarifies why simple obedience is not what He wants, “….a servant does not know his master’s business.” Jesus contrasts friendship and service and cautions all leaders that it is possible to perform actions of service for Him without intimacy with Him.  Servants are able to obey without really understanding the heart and desires of the master. They simply follow instructions. Jesus invites His disciples to move beyond mere obedience to a deeper understanding of His heart. He wants us to walk in obedience that flows from a deep friendship with Him.

Some leaders dutifully obey the commands of Jesus but remain far from His heart. They don’t cultivate the intimacy that is required to be a friend of Jesus. But serving leaders press in to find the heart of Jesus and as they understand His heart, live lives of joyful obedience. 

Intimate leaders are friends as they respond to the invitation of Jesus.   

Jesus makes it clear that this friendship is His choice, “You did not choose me, but I chose you….” We have the privilege of choosing our friends and Jesus has the same choice. Jesus chose us to be His friends! This must have been an astounding truth for the disciples who first heard these words. Jesus was inviting them into an intimate friendship with Himself. He was opening up His own life and heart to them and calling them to move beyond simple obedience to radical friendship. This was the culmination of all He had taught them about abiding in Him, to respond to His invitation to an intimate friendship.

Some leaders focus on their choice to follow Jesus and congratulate themselves for making the right choice. But serving leaders are amazed that Jesus chose them and joyfully choose to deepen their intimacy with Him. Then all their leadership flows from and is shaped by that response to the invitation of Jesus for friendship.

For further reflection and discussion:

As I reflect on my own leadership regarding how much I am a friend of Jesus, how would I rate myself on a scale of 1 to 10?      What blocks me from being a closer friend?

Is my obedience my attempt to win Jesus’ friendship, or does it flow out of my abiding in Him?  What is an example of that in my life in the past week?  

Do I see my relationship to Jesus more like a servant or a friend? How does this impact my leadership?

After reflecting on these questions, read the entire chapter, John 15. What additional insights do I find in this chapter about how my intimacy with Jesus shapes my leadership?  

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll begin a new series! If you would like this entire series on Intimacy in one document, click here to download.