Healthy leaders pay attention to their heart, the seat of their emotions. In the previous issue we recognized the power of our heart to direct our lives and the difficulty in understanding it. David acknowledged his desire to have an undivided heart. He also cried out to God for help in understanding the condition of his heart.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts (Psalm 139:23).

David’s cry to God to search, know and test his heart was his attempt to gauge the condition of his heart. His cry gives serving leaders insight into how we can begin to understand the condition of our hearts.

The condition of our heart is gauged with vulnerability.   

David’s posture is one of extreme vulnerability. He cries out to God to take a close look into the depths of his own heart and soul, to “search” and “know” and “test” his heart—a risky step but vital step towards understanding his heart.  Already in the first verses of this Psalm, David has already acknowledged that God knows his thoughts and words even before they are expressed. (See Ps. 139:1-6). So, now he is secure enough to invite God to help him understand his own heart. For leaders, vulnerability is not weakness—it is a strength that brings greater self-awareness and cultivates trust with those who follow.

 Some leaders choose to lead without vulnerability. They focus on getting the work done and consider any discussion of emotions as conversation for weak leaders.  But serving leaders recognize that their emotions impact their leadership and the condition of their heart is of primary importance. So, they are willing to be vulnerable with themselves, with God and others. 

The condition of our heart is gauged by searching. 

David’s primary request of God is “Search me…” This implies sustained, intentional attention to his heart. He welcomes God into this space to help him understand the condition of his heart. 

Some leaders prefer not to search their hearts and have no desire to know what is happening deep in their heart.  But serving leaders intentionally search for understanding of their internal world, their heart. They acknowledge that they cannot see their own blind spots and ask God and others for help.

The condition of our heart is gauged by acknowledging emotions.

David asks God to examine his “anxious thoughts.” He acknowledges that he has the emotion of anxiety and invites God to help him find out what it says about his heart. Identifying and acknowledging emotions is not an easy task for leaders. Leaders often notice only a few surface emotions but struggle to identify deeper feelings below the surface. In a meeting they may recognize frustration but not be aware of the anxiety driving it. This has been an area of continued growth for me! I have worked hard in this area and still have much to learn!  I have been helped by using a “feelings wheel”(*) to identify and acknowledge what I am feeling. 

Some leaders prefer not to take the risk of acknowledging their emotions. They may recognize an occasional outburst of emotion when it is evident to all but certainly have no interest in digging deeper to see what is under the surface. But serving leaders want to know and understand what is happening in their hearts. They pause often to reflect on what they are feeling, not simply what they are thinking.

For further reflection and discussion:

On a scale of 1 to 10, how aware am I of my own emotions? How does this impact my leadership?

How often am I vulnerable enough to ask God, or someone close to me, to help me understand what is happening in my emotions? Do I need the help of a counselor or professional to help me in this area?

What causes me anxiety as a leader? Do I notice what issues are on my mind when I wake up in the morning—signs of my subconscious emotions? 

Are there lies I have allowed myself to believe about my emotions? If so, how can I align my thoughts with truth? (For example, many leaders see some emotions as “good” and some as “bad.” Since we want to be good, it is difficult to acknowledge an emotion we have labeled as “bad.” There might be many other falsehoods we have accepted about emotions that are not aligned with scripture.)

What is the difference between healthy awareness of emotion and being emotional as a leader? (Reflect on what it means to be aware of emotion that informs our leadership vs. allowing feelings to determine our words and actions.) Which side do you tend to lead from?

In addition to the verses mentioned in this issue, read and reflect on the following verses about the heart: Psalm 13:2, 73:21-22; Proverbs 21:2, 29:11; Jeremiah 17:9-10; Matthew 26:37-38; Mark 3:5; Luke 19:41-44; John 11:33-35; and Philippians 4:7    How do these verses deepen my understanding about the condition of my heart?      

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll examine how to guard the direction of our heart.

*Many versions of “feelings wheel” can be found online, a sample is here.

Note: Some of the thoughts for this series were inspired by the book, The Wholehearted Leader, by Simon and Ceri Harris.  The book focuses primarily on the emotions of the heart and their impact on leadership. While the biblical view of the heart is broader than emotions, it certainly includes emotions, which is often overlooked in leadership. The book offers great insight on how leaders can lead with healthy hearts.

We have observed how Paul chose and prepared Timothy, one of the emerging leaders on his team. As Paul invited Timothy to join him on a leadership journey, he was beginning a deliberate process of showing Timothy how to lead. They would walk together, work together, talk together and share life together. By his example, Paul would show Timothy what leadership looked like. Many years later, near the end of his life, Paul wrote these words to Timothy confirming that he had accomplished this task:  

You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings (2 Timothy 3:10-11a, NIV).  

After many years Paul was able to say to Timothy that he had shown him these nine elements of his life. Paul’s life was an open book for Timothy. He demonstrated the good and the painful parts of leadership. He is able to tell Timothy that he knew everything about him as a leader. Serving leaders learn from Paul’s example the importance of showing those they lead the ups and downs of the leadership journey.  

Serving leaders show the way.  

Some elements of leadership require instruction and Paul spoke about “my teaching.” But Paul went beyond instruction to demonstration. He showed Timothy his “way of life.”  By his example he showed Timothy the way to plant churches in new locations, the way to lead in crisis situations, the way to deal with adversities, the way to raise up other leaders, etc. Paul understood that more leadership ability is caught than taught.  Some leaders tell others what to do without demonstrating how to do it. But serving leaders show others; they model the way. This does not mean that a serving leader needs to do every task, but they are willing to roll up their sleeves and show the team the way it is done. They recognize that developing other leaders requires showing them how it is done.  

Serving leaders show the purpose.  

Paul’s modeling to Timothy included not only his external actions, but his purpose. He was able to tell Timothy that he knew “my purpose.” Paul’s purpose was the ‘why’ behind the ‘what.’ Timothy undoubtedly heard over and over the story of Paul’s conversion, of God’s call on his life and his passion to reach the Gentile world. Timothy helped Paul write Colossians where Paul says his purpose is to “present everyone fully mature in Christ” (Colossians 1:28). Paul made it clear to Timothy why they were doing what they were doing. Some leaders only demonstrate how a task should be done. But serving leaders explain the purpose of that task and tie all leadership actions to the purpose or mission of the organization.  

Serving leaders show the cost.   

Paul not only showed Timothy the positive elements of leadership, but he also revealed the cost of leadership as he showed Timothy that leadership involved “endurance”, “persecutions”, and “sufferings.” Timothy personally witnessed the price Paul paid for his leadership and he likely experienced a time in prison as well. (See Hebrews 13:23). Some leaders call others by revealing the benefits of a role or position without disclosing the costs. But serving leaders learn the importance of showing those they led the ups and downs of the leadership journey from Paul’s example.  By showing the cost they prepare the emerging leaders to have the fortitude to finish the journey.  

For further reflection and discussion: 

• Are there areas that I tell others what to do but have not shown them how to do it? Does my leadership balance my teaching and showing? Would those who follow me say they know about my “way of life” or do I hide elements of who I am from those I lead?  

• Is the purpose of the organization I lead clear to all who follow? Do I clearly tie the purpose of my organization to every leadership action I request others to do? In what way can I improve in this area?  
• Do I make the cost of leadership clear to those I am developing as leaders or do I tend to hide my own pain and struggles? How can I be appropriately honest about what leadership costs?         

Until next time, yours on the journey, 

Jon Byler 

In the next issue, we’ll examine how Paul developed his leadership pipeline by empowering them. 

³³ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴ “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. ³⁵ Jesus wept. ³⁶ Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” ³⁷ But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” (John 11:33-37).

Jesus was a perfect leader and He was a leader with emotions. This story gives only a glimpse of His emotions but will provide a framework to understand how emotions should correctly shape our leadership.

Emotions should be recognized. Jesus didn’t deny His emotions, He acknowledged them. He was “deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” Something was happening deeply inside of Him and He recognized it. Jesus knew that to be human was to experience emotion since humans are made in the image of God.

Many leaders, like myself, struggle to recognize what they are feeling. Ask a leader for his/her thoughts and the response will be immediate. But ask about his/her feelings and you might get an awkward silence! Servant leaders learn to recognize their emotions. They are in touch with what is going on inside of their hearts.*

Emotions should be revealed. “Jesus wept.” This shortest verse in the Bible speaks volumes about Jesus as a leader. Jesus revealed his sorrow and pain in the presence of those gathered to mourn the death of Lazarus. In many cultures men are trained not to express emotions. In other cultures the expression of some emotions are acceptable for leaders, but other emotions are not. Family systems can have unspoken rules about how emotions can or cannot be expressed. My own family did not encourage the expression of ‘negative’ emotions so for many years I did not want to acknowledge anger.

But servant leaders learn to reveal their emotions in appropriate ways. Sometimes this will be in public as Jesus demonstrated. But at other times, they may reveal their emotions to a close friend or simply to God. Servant leaders learn to express, not suppress, their emotions.

Emotions should be restrained. Jesus recognized His emotions and He was not afraid to reveal them to everyone. But He was not controlled by His sorrow! He continued to do the work He was called to do, raising Lazarus from the dead.

Servant leaders recognize and appropriately reveal their emotions, but they are not governed by them. They learn to lead with emotions, not by emotions. They recognize the difference between having emotion and being emotional. They ask God for the “self-control” that is a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22) and restrain their emotions as needed.

Jesus led with emotion and we can also learn to lead with emotion. In the following issues we’ll examine different emotions every leader will experience by looking at how David led with emotion. He expressed in the Psalms the range of emotions that we all experience.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

*A tool that has helped me to recognize what I am feeling is the “Feeling Wheel” developed by Dr. Gloria Willcox. Click here to download.

For further reflection and discussion:

• What has been my perspective on emotions as a leader? How is my perspective shaped by my culture? By my personality? By the family systems in which I grew up? How has this perspective impacted my leadership either positively or negatively?
• On a scale of 1-10, how aware am I of the emotions I experience on a daily basis? How does this impact my leadership? How can I can grow in my awareness of how I am feeling?
• What does it mean for me to express my emotions appropriately? Are there times I have expressed my emotions inappropriately? What did that do to my relationships with those I lead?
• To what extent is my leadership controlled by my emotions? Is there a time in the last week that I responded to a leadership issue based on my feelings instead of what was needed by those I serve?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.

We often think the best leaders are strong and powerful, walking with bold confidence in their abilities and working hard for success. Jacob walked like this for many years and in the previous issue, we saw how he limped towards leadership. But as Jacob fled from his father-in-law to return home, he had a life-changing experience the night before he met his brother Esau. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." The man asked him, "What is your name?" "Jacob," he answered. Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome." Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip (Genesis 32:24-31). From this point forward, Jacob was a different man. He walked, and led, with a limp.

Jacob led with a limp by acknowledging God’s power.

Jacob had lived his life in his own strength but now he must acknowledge God’s power. Jacob was accustomed to finding a way to get what he wanted. Now for the first time in his life, he could not control the outcome. He seemed to win the physical battle, but the man touched Jacob’s hip and produced a limp. The man had the power of blessing him and giving him a new name. He had to acknowledge God’s power and learn to lead with a limp. Servant leaders learn to lead with a limp by relying on God’s power instead of their own. They acknowledge that they are not as powerful as their position implies. They do not focus on their titles and degrees; instead, they acknowledge that God is the source of their power.

Jacob led with a limp by admitting his limitations.

Jacob struggled and overcame, but at the same time, he had to face his own limitations. He was not able to bless himself. He could not protect himself from the expected meeting with his brother. He could no longer pretend to be someone else; he had to give his real name. He could not stop the wrenching of his hip. He could no longer walk with a confident stride. He came to the end of himself. His life would forever be marked with a limp, a sign of his own weakness. Servant leaders lead with a limp when they admit their own weaknesses and inadequacies. They are not afraid to admit mistakes. They admit that without God’s strength they would fail.

Jacob led with a limp by accepting God’s blessings.

Jacob had been seeking a blessing for years. He deceitfully asked for and received his father’s blessings. He had worked night and day for material blessings. Now he still cries out to be blessed but this time by God. As he received God’s blessing, he moved forward and found reconciliation with his brother and was able to again embrace his father. He was able to enjoy genuine blessings as he walked with a limp. Servant leaders lead with a limp by joyfully accepting any blessing that comes from God. They enjoy genuine relationships with family and friends. If God adds material blessings, they are also grateful.

Jacob’s limp was physical but is a symbol of how God wants us to lead as servant leaders. When we truly meet God our leadership will change. Most of us will not change overnight as Jacob did, but we all need to learn to lead with a limp.

For further reflection and discussion:

• In what ways do I acknowledge God’s power in my leadership? Can I give an example from the past week in which I clearly relied on God’s power instead of my own?
• When is the last time I admitted my own limitations to myself or others?
• Am I still striving to get blessings by my own strength or have I learned to accept God’s blessings? What blessings do I experience in my leadership as I lead with a limp?
• A friend said to me, “Never follow a leader without a limp.” Do I agree or disagree with this statement? What happens to followers when the leader has not had an experience of breaking as Jacob did? What kind of experience do those under my leadership have?

Paul practiced what I call Open Hearted Leadership, a unique brand of genuine transparency that characterizes all servant leaders. He challenged his followers and contemporary leaders with these words, “We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange– I speak as to my children– open wide your hearts also.” (2Co 6:11-13) Paul’s appeal reveals the fundamental principles of leading with an open heart.

Open hearted leadership requires self-disclosure.

Paul talks about opening his heart, disclosing to others what would not otherwise be obvious to their eyes. Self-disclosure may involve revealing our own vulnerabilities or mistakes in appropriate ways. Open hearted leaders refuse to hide behind false walls of perfection and find ways to admit their humanity. Open hearted leadership may mean telling the whole truth to stakeholders when it would be easier to give things a more positive twist. Self-disclosure may be as simple as providing more information than required by a question. Some leaders provide vague or evasive answers to inquiries and attempt to reveal as little as possible. Open hearted leaders do not tell followers everything, but are committed to walk in a transparent manner and are not secretive about their lives.

Open hearted leadership is risky.

This kind of leadership will not always be reciprocated by followers and involves significant risk. Paul took a risk to open his heart to the Corinthians and to show them his affection. He modeled the way but they didn’t seem to ‘get it.’ At least at the time of writing the letter, they had not returned the favor. Open hearted leaders take the risk of being misunderstood. Their intentions may be perfect but someone may see their transparency as a sign of weakness or use it to turn around and attack the leader. Open hearted leaders risk the loss of privacy and a level of secrecy that others may routinely enjoy. While their openness may not be reciprocated by followers servant leaders focus on the needs of their followers and are willing to take the risk. They are willing to live in the proverbial ‘glass house’ where they can be seen by others.

Open hearted leadership is a choice.

Paul made a deliberate choice to open his heart to those he was leading. He recognized that the followers likewise could choose whether or not to open their hearts to him. All leaders face daily choices about whether to live in openness and transparency or retreat to a closet of secrecy. Leadership ‘experts’ recommend that the leader not reveal more than necessary. Being open is a difficult choice, particularly if the leader has experienced pain or misunderstanding when attempting to be open. Instinctively the leader will guard his/her heart instead of risking pain. But Paul’s example encourages servant leaders to choose to open their hearts to followers, focusing on what is good for them instead of the self interest of the leader.

Look for an opportunity today to open your heart to someone close to you and experience the freedom that comes from being authentic.

For further reflection and discussion:

• Can I recall any time recently in which I exposed a weakness to others?
• Do my followers see me as transparent or secretive?
• Have I experienced pain in the past that makes it difficult for me to practice open hearted leadership? If so, what do I need to do to find healing and freedom?
• Does my culture encourage or discourage openness? How does that impact my leadership?
• What can I do as a leader to encourage openness in my organization?

All leaders influence followers, but only servant leaders open their hearts to those who follow. Paul, in an intimate letter to the Corinthian church said, “We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you.” (2 Cor. 6:11) Paul’s statement reveals a deliberate action which he took to connect with his followers. Leading with an open heart is never an accident; it is always a deliberate choice made in spite of the potential for hurt which exists.

Leading with an open heart does not happen easily or naturally. Leadership positions tend to encourage a gap between leader and follower. Some leaders encourage this gap and deliberately ensure that they maintain an emotional distance from those they lead by keeping all relationships at a ‘professional’ level. Leaders face daily choices about how open they will be with those who follow and should recognize that the natural tendency is to cover up who we really are and what is in our hearts. Leading with an open heart is always a choice of the will that focuses on the needs of others instead of our own fears or insecurities.

Leading with an open heart is a powerful leadership act that greatly multiplies influence. Servant leaders are willing to expose their own needs and weaknesses in appropriate ways. This models an authenticity which helps genuine relationships to develop and flourish. Leadership is all about relationships and as effective leaders open their hearts, they create an environment that feels safe for others to expose who they really are. This fosters an environment of trust and respect among staff persons or workers. Although relationships today are characterized by short text messages, one-line Facebook postings and Twitter updates; there is still a deep longing in our hearts to connect at a more intimate level. Servant leaders take the initiative to make this happen by opening their hearts.

Leading with an open heart allows communication not only of directives but of motives and reveals the ‘why’ behind the ‘what.’ For example, a servant leader can say, “I’m asking you to do this because I want to see you grow and develop.” Further, leaders who open their heart consistently attempt to communicate all that is appropriate. There are certainly times that it is inappropriate to share all that is in your heart, but servant leaders make it a habit to be as open as possible.

Opening your heart to others is an enormous risk. You can be wounded deeply or misunderstood. Followers may not always quickly reciprocate. The context of Paul’s statement reveals that his followers did not respond to his example in a like manner, at least not without some prodding from him. But if you desire to serve those you lead, it’s worth the risk. Leaders who consistently open wide their hearts to others are powerfully attractive and unfortunately far too uncommon. Take a deliberate step today to join Paul by not just opening a small crack in your leadership heart, but open it wide!

For further reflection and discussion:

• Does my leadership encourage others to open up their hearts?
• Has my leadership created a culture of openness in the organization I lead?
• Have I experienced pain in the past that makes it more difficult for me to lead with an open heart? What do I need to do to find healing?
• What specific action have I done in the last week that revealed an open heart? Or, where did I miss an opportunity to open my heart?
• Have I found ways to appropriately reveal my own needs and expose my own weaknesses to those who follow me?

We usually think of leadership as what we do with others outside our homes, in the church or in our work environment. But the list of leadership qualities Paul gives to Timothy says leaders “must be hospitable.” (Titus 1:8). Hospitality? It almost sounds like a foreign word! What does hosting people in our homes have to do with servant leadership?

Hospitality reveals a love for others.

Inviting someone to my home shows that I am focusing on that person instead of myself. I am thinking of them and expressing my love for them by considering something that will, hopefully, benefit them! When people visit, a good host focuses on their needs and graciously seeks to make them comfortable. Leading in public can often be about me and my agenda, but hospitality is about showing love to the guest. This focus on the needs of the other is an excellent way to develop people skills and learn to relate to a variety of personalities in a relaxed setting. Introverted personalities, like me, learn to keep a conversation going by asking good questions! Servant leaders love others.

Hospitality demonstrates a heart of giving.

Showing hospitality is all about giving, not receiving. Of course, I often receive blessings from visitors, but hospitality is costly! We may spend a bit more on food than normal to provide a nice meal. But it’s not only money that we give. We take time to make a meal and clean afterwards, make beds or wash extra clothes. We give up our routines to accommodate their schedules. Sometimes it costs sleep as we stay up late to talk. We may need to catch up later on things we needed to do. Hospitality requires giving and servant leaders give.

Hospitality exhibits vulnerability.

Inviting people into my home is an act of self disclosure. When people come to my home they see a very different part of my life from what they see when I teach or preach. At home they see me relaxed and watch how I relate to my children and my wife. They observe what we have hanging on our walls and what magazines are lying on the coffee table. If they stay overnight they find out what time I go to bed and what I eat for breakfast! Sitting around the table with a cup of tea provides a much different perspective than meeting in an office or a public event. Inviting visitors is risky. They might spill coffee on the carpet or break a prized item. Servant leaders are vulnerable.

Don’t just evaluate your leadership by what you do in public; serve others at home by offering hospitality. When is the last time you invited someone to your home? Do it…and grow as a servant leader.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon

For further reflection and discussion:

• Am I eager to invite people to my home? Why or why not?
• Do others feel welcomed in my home?
• Is hospitality more difficult for people from cultures that value time over relationships?
• Is hospitality easier for some personalities than others? If so, what can be done to respond to the biblical challenge?