Self-care is not selfish, it’s essential for healthy leadership.  But what does it look like in practice? We’ll examine three specific areas in which we need to care for ourselves: our souls, our bodies and our gift. First, in this issue, how we take care of our inner life, our relationship with Jesus—the matters of our soul. Consider Paul’s instruction to Timothy:

  ⁷Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. ⁸For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come (1 Timothy 4:7–8, NIV).

Paul challenges Timothy to train himself to “be godly.”  This training has great value both now and in the future. Physical training, which we will examine in the next issue, has value but is not as significant as issues of the soul. Paul’s instruction provides several starting points for the kind of training that will help us care for our soul.

Taking care of your soul requires avoiding distractions.

Paul begins his exhortation to godliness by telling Timothy to avoid “godless myths and old wives’ tales.” It is easy to dismiss Paul’s instruction as advice for a different generation. He is specifically warning Timothy about spiritually unprofitable teaching, but the principle applies more broadly: some things consume our attention but do not nourish our souls. Perhaps if he were writing today he might say, “Have nothing to do with endless scrolling on social media, political debates on Facebook, and schedules packed with activity—but train yourself to be godly.” Soul care requires saying ‘no’ to some things that others may practice habitually. This kind of saying “no” is at the heart of the spiritual discipline of fasting which addresses our need to say ‘no’ to things we crave in order to focus more fully on the our soul’s craving for God. 

Some leaders measure their health by outputs: how much they produce and how full their schedule is. But serving leaders feed their souls by avoiding distractions.

 Taking care of your soul requires intentionality.

Paul tells Timothy, “train yourself.” He calls Timothy to actively focus on the care of his soul. The care of our souls requires intentionality; it will not happen simply because we keep living and leading. For centuries, spiritual disciplines have helped leaders take the time and energy needed to care for their souls. Disciplines such as meditation, prayer, fasting, Bible reading and solitude are a part of the training needed for godliness. Intentionality may require a long walk, blocking out time to be alone for reflection and listening or simply slowing down.  

Some leaders assume that if they are leading and goals are being met, all is well in their inner world. But serving leaders make their goal to walk with Jesus and cultivate a healthy soul. They intentionally structure their lives in ways that tend the garden of their heart. 

Taking care of your soul requires consistency.

The training Paul instructed Timothy to do is not a one time event. Building a life of godliness is a long-term objective, not a short-term accomplishment. Paul tells Timothy that godliness impacts both “the present life and the life to come.” It requires consistency over a long period of time. 

Some leaders are content to think of being godly in the future and neglect the daily habits that will take them there. They hope that an occasional seminar or book on prayer will take care of their soul and develop godliness. But serving leaders build regular rhythms of life that over time nourish and strengthen their souls. As they do, they become leaders better equipped to serve those they lead.

For further reflection and discussion:

What are things in my daily life that are distractions to my soul care? What is God inviting me to change so that I can avoid these distractions?

How well am I doing with these disciplines: fasting, Bible reading, meditation, prayer, solitude? What do I need to change?

What habits do I cultivate in my life that help me care for my soul? What are my daily, weekly, monthly and yearly rhythms that help me keep my soul strong? Are there changes I need to make?

What additional insights about the need for soul care do I gain from the following passages? (1 Samuel 30:6; Matthew 14:13, 23; Mark 1:35-38, 4:19; Luke 5:15-16; John 15:1-5; Acts 13:2-3; 1 Timothy 4:12-16, 6:11-12, 20; 2 Timothy 2:15-16)

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll examine care of our bodies.

Much of serving leadership is about others. It’s about meeting their needs, serving them, developing them, equipping them, encouraging them.  But before leaders can take care of others, they must take care of themselves! In this series we’ll reflect on the advice Paul gave to Timothy about the need to take care of himself. 

Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers (1 Timothy 4:16, NIV). 

Paul challenges Timothy to watch his life and doctrine closely. It is a call to pay close attention to himself.  Self-care is not selfish! Selfishness makes the leader’s needs the goal; self-care attends to the needs of the leader so they can fulfill their calling. What does self-care have to do with our leadership?      

Taking care of yourself is an initial act of leadership.

Long before airplanes instructed passengers to put on their own oxygen mask before assisting others Paul told Timothy to “watch your life…” Before watching others, leaders need to watch themselves. Before caring for others, leaders need to take care of themselves. Before teaching others, they need to take a close look at their own doctrine. This is not a selfish act; it is a necessary part of ensuring that we are ready and able to help others.

Some leaders feel guilty when they focus on themselves or take time to attend to their own needs. But serving leaders recognize that the first act of service is being ready and able to serve. They take care of themselves first.

Taking care of yourself is an intentional act of leadership. 

Both “watch” and “closely” imply focused intentionality. Perhaps Paul recognized that the demands of leadership could quickly become the focus of Timothy’s actions and he warned him to be intentional about caring for himself. This act of leadership will not happen by accident. The needs of others are often more apparent to us than our own needs.

Some leaders become so engrossed in calling for action, producing outcomes, and reaching goals that they fail to stop and look at how they are doing. But serving leaders intentionally make sure they take good care of themselves so that they are able to care for others.    

Taking care of yourself is an impactful act of leadership.   

Paul concludes this exhortation by observing that if Timothy will take care of himself, it would “save both yourself and your hearers.” His point goes beyond what we are calling self-care, but the principle is clear: how leaders care for their own lives impacts those they lead. The attention to caring for self would impact Timothy and those he was leading. Effective self-care is impactful leadership. Leaders who are action-oriented and focused on a mission can easily assume that some shortcuts here and there on how they care for themselves won’t impact their leadership effectiveness. They neglect their own physical, emotional and spiritual needs. And for a time, they may appear to succeed. But in the long term, they—and those who follow—will pay for their neglect. 

Some leaders assume that they can care for others even when there are gaps in how they care for themselves. But serving leaders recognize that the best gift they can give those they serve is a strong, healthy leader. They recognize that they cannot continue drawing from an empty well. They are better leaders because they care for themselves.

For further reflection and discussion:

As I focus on the needs of others, how well do I pay attention to my own needs? How does this impact my leadership?

In what way(s) am I intentional about ensuring that I am taking care of myself? What am I doing about my physical condition? My emotional health? My spiritual depth? My own growth?

Are there ways that I have been neglecting self-care, believing that it would not impact those who follow me?   What steps do I need to take to change?   

What additional insights about the need for self-care do I gain from the following passages? 1 Samuel 30:6, Matthew 7:3-5, Luke 5:15–16, Acts 20:28, Galatians 6:1

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll look at the need to care for our soul. 

Do you consider yourself a follower of Jesus or a friend of Jesus? The difference is profoundly significant. The words Jesus gave His disciples invite us to an intimate friendship:

¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other  (John 15:14-17).

Friendship implies a close intimate relationship. Jesus reveals to the disciples that He desires an intimate friendship with them, much deeper than they have imagined. And He graciously shows them the way to this intimacy.

Intimate leaders are friends as they obey the commands of Jesus.

Jesus says, “You are my friends if you do what I command.” Obedience is expected and required for the followers of Jesus. He gave many commands to be obeyed.  His commands in the context of this chapter focus on remaining or abiding in Him. Obedience to the commands to abide will produce intimacy and friendship. This is not a burdensome journey to win His friendship; it is a journey of deepening intimacy of relationship.  Intimacy without obedience is impossible; but obedience without intimacy happens to many leaders, myself included! 

Some leaders seek to win God’s favor through obedience alone without abiding. But serving leaders seek to walk so intimately with Jesus that they obey as friends on a journey. 

Intimate leaders are friends as they understand the desires of Jesus.

Jesus clarifies why simple obedience is not what He wants, “….a servant does not know his master’s business.” Jesus contrasts friendship and service and cautions all leaders that it is possible to perform actions of service for Him without intimacy with Him.  Servants are able to obey without really understanding the heart and desires of the master. They simply follow instructions. Jesus invites His disciples to move beyond mere obedience to a deeper understanding of His heart. He wants us to walk in obedience that flows from a deep friendship with Him.

Some leaders dutifully obey the commands of Jesus but remain far from His heart. They don’t cultivate the intimacy that is required to be a friend of Jesus. But serving leaders press in to find the heart of Jesus and as they understand His heart, live lives of joyful obedience. 

Intimate leaders are friends as they respond to the invitation of Jesus.   

Jesus makes it clear that this friendship is His choice, “You did not choose me, but I chose you….” We have the privilege of choosing our friends and Jesus has the same choice. Jesus chose us to be His friends! This must have been an astounding truth for the disciples who first heard these words. Jesus was inviting them into an intimate friendship with Himself. He was opening up His own life and heart to them and calling them to move beyond simple obedience to radical friendship. This was the culmination of all He had taught them about abiding in Him, to respond to His invitation to an intimate friendship.

Some leaders focus on their choice to follow Jesus and congratulate themselves for making the right choice. But serving leaders are amazed that Jesus chose them and joyfully choose to deepen their intimacy with Him. Then all their leadership flows from and is shaped by that response to the invitation of Jesus for friendship.

For further reflection and discussion:

As I reflect on my own leadership regarding how much I am a friend of Jesus, how would I rate myself on a scale of 1 to 10?      What blocks me from being a closer friend?

Is my obedience my attempt to win Jesus’ friendship, or does it flow out of my abiding in Him?  What is an example of that in my life in the past week?  

Do I see my relationship to Jesus more like a servant or a friend? How does this impact my leadership?

After reflecting on these questions, read the entire chapter, John 15. What additional insights do I find in this chapter about how my intimacy with Jesus shapes my leadership?  

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll begin a new series! If you would like this entire series on Intimacy in one document, click here to download.

We naturally view leaders as independent and able to guide and direct on their own.  But serving leaders are dependent on an intimate relationship with Jesus that transforms them.

In John 15, Jesus speaks to His disciples about the relationship He wants to have with them—one of a deep, life-giving connection. He uses the image of a branch and a vine: He is the vine and the disciples are the branches.

While this concept is relevant for every follower of Jesus, the implications for leaders are even more critical as leaders influence others. The strength of a serving leader flows directly from a life that has been shaped by intimacy with Jesus. That gives a leader the power to influence others. In this series we’ll look at several marks of leaders who are in an intimate relationship with Jesus from John 15.

¹“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ²He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. ³You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you (John 15:1-3, NIV).

The first characteristic of a leader who has an intimate relationship with Jesus is that their lives will be transformed by Him. Transformation produces integrity and authenticity that are essential in leadership. Internal change must happen before inviting others to follow. God uses several tools to produce this transformation.

Intimate leaders are transformed by God’s redirection. 

“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit…” The word Jesus uses here can speak of judgement as in cutting off from the vine. But it also means “lift up” which better fits the context.* Lifting up is what a gardener does to a branch that is on the ground in the dirt and needs to receive more sunlight and air. It is a redirection of the branch that brings more life. In our leadership God gently redirects us when we get bogged down. This may come as an exposure of a blind spot, a nudge to consider a different approach with a team member or a call to refocus priorities. 

Some leaders move ahead with little awareness of their own deficiencies. But serving leaders stay close to Jesus and allow Him to gently redirect their lives, expose their blind spots, and breathe more of His life into their leadership. 

Intimate leaders are transformed by God’s pruning.

“…while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” When there is no fruit God redirects and where there is fruit He prunes to produce more! The process of pruning is painful and may often seem extreme. But the gardener knows that dead leaves, overgrowth and excess shoots need to be cut away so that what remains will be more fruitful. This may come through trials, painful experiences, or challenges that stretch us.

Some leaders resist the pruning process and try to avoid all pain. But serving leaders cooperate with God’s pruning work and seek to learn all they can through the process. The fruit that results make them leaders worth following.

Intimate leaders are transformed by God’s word.

“You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.” Jesus indicates that His words have already brought transformation to the lives of the disciples. Leaders that remain in intimacy with Him are shaped by consistent exposure to His word.

 Some leaders are shaped primarily by books they read, conferences they attend and social media that they consume. But serving leaders prioritize time with God’s word that has the power to transform their life and leadership.

For further reflection and discussion:

As I reflect on my own leadership regarding how much my life is transformed by Jesus, how would I rate myself on a scale of 1 to 10?      What blocks me from greater transformation?

How does my transformation by Jesus impact the way I lead? Can the people I lead see my transformation?  

In what ways might God right now be redirecting my life and leadership? Am I close enough to Him to notice? What do I need to change?

In what ways is God pruning my life right now? Have I fully accepted His authority to do this and do I fully embrace His love that prompts the pruning?

How deeply does God’s word impact my life and leadership? Are there other sources that shape my leadership more than His word?  What can I do to more fully allow His word to transform my life?

After reflecting on these questions, read the entire chapter, John 15. What additional insights do I find in this chapter about how my intimacy with Jesus shapes my leadership?      

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll look at how intimate leaders bear fruit for Jesus.

*The Greek word airei can be translated as “cut off,” “to take up,” “to lift up,” “to remove,” or “to carry away.” I prefer the concept of “lifting up” rather than the judgment implied by “cutting off.” Later, in v. 6, Jesus clearly speaks of judgment regarding branches that are detached from the vine, then thrown away and burned. Therefore, judgment does not seem to be His intent in v. 2. His grace precedes judgment.

Timothy learned early that leading himself came before leading others. Before he called others to follow, he had to model the way. Consider these verses:

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives tales; rather, train yourself to be godly” (1 Timothy 4:7, NIV).

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12).

¹⁵Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. ¹⁶Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers (1 Timothy 4:15–16).

In this chapter Paul exhorted Timothy to be a role model to those he was leading, to “set an example” to others. Serving leaders acknowledge that leadership is an inside job. Before serving leaders tell others they show them what it looks like. As Timothy followed Paul’s instructions he became a model in several significant ways.

Timothy modeled discipline.

Paul instructed Timothy, “train yourself to be godly.” To lead others Timothy needed to be the right kind of person—a godly man. This would not happen without focus and discipline.   Athletes training for their sport leaders need to exercise discipline. The discipline of training can be tiresome and difficult. There are many days that any athlete would prefer to stay in bed rather than do the necessary training.  

Many leaders want to be seen as great leaders, but they aren’t willing to pay the daily price of discipline that is required to become great. They look for shortcuts to help them lead others without improving themselves. Serving leaders acknowledge that discipline is the price of becoming a role model. They are willing to pay the price before they attempt to lead.  They discipline themselves to be the right kind of person before they seek to lead others.

Timothy modeled distinction.

Paul encouraged Timothy to overcome the challenge of being a young leader by setting an example for others. Timothy could not change his age, but he could work towards becoming the most mature young person around. He would distinguish himself from the crowd of others his age by growing in “speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”  Timothy modeled distinction, standing out from the crowd by rising above the crowd.

Many leaders want to be elevated because of their position and authority. Serving leaders seek to be the best version of themselves that they can be at whatever age they are. As they do so they become more mature than their peers and serve others as a model of distinction.

Timothy modeled diligence.

Paul called Timothy to diligence “so that everyone may see your progress.”  Timothy learned that growth takes diligence. While it was good to be an exemplary young leader he needed to make continual progress that was obvious to those watching his life.   

Many leaders stop growing when they think they are good enough to get the job done. But serving leaders are diligent to keep growing in ways that become a model to those around them.

For further reflection and discussion:

• What area of my life is currently not a good model to others? What do I need to change this week to start improving in that area?
• Do I model a continuous improvement in my life and leadership that is obvious to those around me? If not, what do I need to change?
• Reflect on those you lead. What can I do to encourage them to become models to those around them? In what ways can I affirm and encourage those who are currently role models?       
• In addition to the verses we used in this issue, consider the following: 1 Timothy 4:6; 2 Timothy 1:13-14; and 2 Timothy 2:16, 22. What additional insights do you find from these verses about how Timothy was called to be a role model and specific areas in which he was to show others the way.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll examine how Timothy developed good friendships.

One of the many things Timothy needed to learn as a church leader was how to understand, apply and teach the scriptures. As a follower of Jesus, this was his essential textbook for life and leadership.

Consider these exhortations from Paul:

¹⁵and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. ¹⁶All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:15–16, NIV).

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).

We might hear Paul’s words as instructions to us and rightly so. But underneath his admonitions Paul reveals what Timothy had done over a lifetime of exposure to the ancient Jewish scriptures.

Timothy learned to know the Word.  

Paul reminded Timothy that “from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures…” Paul observed a discipline that Timothy had developed for years. Without the luxury of pulling a book off the shelf at his home, Timothy invested time to learn the Word. He had to take time to go somewhere, listen, study, memorize and ponder the meaning of this book. He likely discussed with his teachers the meaning and application of the ancient texts. In the Word he observed the lives of successful and unsuccessful leaders. He learned that some leaders focus on themselves while others focus on those they lead. As he learned to know the Word his character, thinking, and leadership actions were slowly but deliberately shaped. His leadership was grounded in ultimate realities far beyond himself.  

Some leaders don’t give careful thought to what model of leadership they will follow. Instead, they seek to do whatever seems right and most likely to produce the outcomes they desire. But serving leaders recognize that what they read, study, and ponder shapes their thinking and their actions. They seek the truth of the Word as the foundation for their leadership journey.   

Timothy learned to live the Word.  

Paul also noted that the scriptures “make you wise for salvation..” and are useful for “training in righteousness.” Timothy not only learned to know the word; he learned to put into practice what he was learning. He transferred knowledge from his head to his hands, living out what he learned. He realized that before he could tell others how to lead, he had to model what he wanted them to do.

Some leaders pursue knowledge for the sake of knowing and impressing others. But serving leaders seek knowledge that shapes their actions. They show the way before they teach the way.

Timothy learned to teach the Word.  

Paul was not satisfied for Timothy to know the Word and to live it out, he wanted so see multiplication! So, he told Timothy that the Word is “useful for teaching…” Timothy was to use his own life and leadership to raise up other leaders, sharing with them the truths he had learned and practiced. While some leaders focus only on their own growth and development, serving leaders always look for others to develop. They invest their lives in passing on to the younger leaders what they have learned as Paul did with Timothy. Serving leaders shape the lives of others as they teach a different way to live. Where this is done effectively, leadership gets better with each generation!

For further reflection and discussion:

• How can I more deliberately see the Word as my primary source of leadership training? Am I taking the time to know it well? Do I ponder what the instructions, stories and examples teach me about leadership?
• Reflect on those you lead. What can I do to encourage them to use the Word as a source of their growth and development? If I am leading persons who do not share my faith, how can I point them to this source without being offensive?
• Can I say with confidence that my life is a model for others to follow? If not, what do I need to change to practice the Word?
• In what ways am I deliberately teaching younger leaders how to live and lead? How can I do this more effectively?
• In addition to the verses we used in this issue, consider the following: 1 Timothy 4:12; 15–16;  2 Timothy 2:25–26; 4:2 What additional insights do you find from these verses about how Timothy learned the Word?

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll examine how Timothy learned to think and reflect.  

Serving leaders are passionate about growth since they understand that their growth unlocks the potential they possess. They also realize that their growth determines the growth of the organizations they lead. They recognize that growing themselves is one of the best ways they can serve those who follow. They reflect deeply on Peter’s challenge to all believers:

¹⁸ But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen (2 Peter 3:18, NIV).

Peter challenges us all to keep growing, the antidote for falling from the “secure position” he mentions in the previous verse. Leaders pay careful attention to their growth and ask themselves often, “How am I growing?”   

Serving leaders ask “How am I growing?“ to check balance.

Peter calls leaders to grow in “grace and knowledge…” Knowledge is an area most leaders are aware of their need for growth. They take classes, attend seminars, listen to podcasts, or read books to expand their knowledge. This is excellent. But Peter calls leaders to balance knowledge with grace. Grace is an internal attribute, a character trait, an issue of the heart. Both the head and heart are needed and should be balanced. When growth happens only in the area of knowledge and there is no corresponding development of character, it leads to arrogance. When a leader grows only in character without growth in knowledge, their hearts may be in the right place, but they still lack leadership competencies that are essential.

 Serving leaders ask themselves if they are growing in both areas. They ask if their character is stronger and their knowledge greater than it was before. Serving leaders recognize that they need both head knowledge and heart capacity to increase. They seek to balance their growth between the knowledge and skills they need to excel professionally, with the heart issues of integrity, honesty, courage, and humility.

Serving leaders ask “How am I growing?“ to confirm direction.

Serving leaders are not only concerned that they are growing, but they also want to know if they are growing in the right direction. Peter provides the direction for growth, “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” He points to Jesus as the greatest example of serving leadership. While they may benefit from many leadership resources that are not explicitly faith based, serving leaders ask themselves a simple question, “Am I living and leading more like Jesus than I was a year ago?” If the answer is “yes”, the correct direction is confirmed.

Serving leaders ask “How am I growing?“ to credit correctly.  

Leaders grow for many reasons. Some are seeking a promotion or simply want to grow a larger organization. Some want to impress others with their title or degree. But Peter makes it clear that the motive for serving leaders to grow is not to bring glory to themselves but to Jesus. “To him be glory both now and forever!” Serving leaders are passionate about their growth, but like everything about their leadership, it is not about them, it is about others. Their growth develops the potential they received from their creator and thereby brings glory to Him. Their growth simply allows them to serve more effectively and bring greater levels of flourishing to the organizations they lead.    

For further reflection and discussion:

• In what areas do I focus my growth? Is there a healthy balance between my growth in character and knowledge? Do I choose book, seminars and training with this balance in mind?      
• Is my growth leading me to live and lead more like Jesus? If not, what do I need to change? If yes, in what way is this evident to those around me?
• Am I growing to impress others? Am I seeking to make myself look good? Am I seeking promotion or a new title which is selfish in nature?
• What do I need in my current growth journey? Do I need mentors? Books? Seminars? Professional training?

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll examine a question serving leaders ask others, “How are you growing?”

Serving leaders ask themselves hard questions about who they are becoming. As they gain clarity and direction about their focus, they also serve those they lead by encouraging them to walk the same journey of discovery. They desire that Paul’s instructions are helpful not only for their own lives but also for those they serve. “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18, NIV).

Serving leaders seek to call forth the best in those who follow. They desire the transformation indicated in this verse. And they are not afraid to ask probing questions that will guide others on their leadership journey. They recognize that asking questions rather than giving answers allows those they lead to grow and develop their own capacity to think and to reflect. So They serve by asking those who follow, “Who are you becoming?” Where helpful they are willing to offer their own observations but are willing to simply lay the question before the person and allow them to reflect. Serving leaders acknowledge that this question is a deep question for one’s soul and not a means of doing a performance assessment! As they gently ask this question of those who follow, they examine their motives to ensure that their only desire is genuine care for the other person and a desire to see them grow. They refuse to ask this question as an underhanded way to address visible problems. They serve in love by respecting the level of openness the person offers in response. As they invite others to ponder this question, they ask it with several purposes in their mind.

Serving leaders ask “Who are you becoming?“ to reveal direction.

Where appropriate serving leaders may invite those who follow to reflect on their own growth journey by asking, “Are you becoming the spouse/parent/community leader/worker you want to become? Are there ways I can help you move in the direction you want to go? Are there any roadblocks I can remove from your path?” Serving leaders recognize that those who follow them are changing and moving either consciously or unconsciously. They raise the question to bring awareness to their followers of the direction in which they are moving. The question recognizes the uniqueness of each individual and is less concerned about the position on the journey than the direction of the journey.

Serving leaders ask “Who are you becoming?“ to redirect focus.

Serving leaders know their own tendency to lose the correct focus, so they can gently ask those who follow, “Who is influencing you the most? Where do you go for ideas and inspiration? Is this taking you in the direction you want to go?” The question serves as a reminder to the follower that focus is critical in determining direction.

Serving leaders ask “Who are you becoming?“ to release transformation.

The goal of the serving leader is to equip, empower and release the persons who follow. They desire the best for their lives, not only in the role in which they serve the organization but in their entire lives. They serve those who follow by helping them become the people that they were designed to be. So, they ask, “Who are you becoming?” to encourage them to experience the power of transformation in their own lives.  

For further reflection and discussion:

• Do I have enough love and concern for those I lead to ask them “Who are you becoming?” If not, what does this indicate about my heart and what do I need to change? If so, when will I begin to ask them this question?
• Before I ask anyone the question “Who are you becoming?” do I have any hidden motives about why I will ask them this question? Is my desire to help them genuine and does it go beyond my concern for their work performance?
• Am I willing to simply ask the question of others and not demand a response from them? Am I willing to offer my own observations only if requested by that person?               

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll look at a question serving leaders ask themselves:  “What is in my hand?”

Serving leaders use questions to probe their own leadership journey and to encourage those who follow to do the same. The posture of asking questions helps keep serving leaders aware that they don’t have all the answers and that they are also on their own leadership journey. They ask “Who am I?” to establish their identity as we saw in the previous issue. Then they ask themselves, “Who am I becoming?” to assess their direction. They reflect on Paul’s words to the Corinthian believers, “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18, NIV). Serving leaders desire to move in the direction of “ever-increasing glory” and stop to reflect on what this means for their own life and leadership.  

Serving leaders ask “Who am I becoming?“ to assess direction.    

Leaders are all moving on a journey, and set tangible goals to measure their progress towards success. They focus on the vision and outcomes with little thought about themselves as persons.  Leaders are moving, usually fast! But serving leaders slow down long enough to ask if they are moving in the right direction. They “are being transformed” and learn to ask themselves who they are becoming. They courageously ask themselves, “Am I becoming more loving? More generous? More compassionate? More sensitive? More truthful? Compared to a year ago, what changes do I see in my life?” These questions serve as signposts for the direction of the leaders’ journey and serving leaders ask themselves these questions to confirm they are moving in the right direction.  

Serving leaders ask “Who am I becoming?“ to assure focus.  Paul reminds us to “contemplate the Lord’s glory…” This is an issue of our focus. Serving leaders ask themselves about the focus of their journey. They are not afraid to ask, “Am I becoming a person more influenced by social media, professional journals, newspapers or Jesus? How does this impact my life and leadership? Am I increasingly turning my heart towards Him and seeking answers from Him about my leadership challenges?” Serving leaders ask hard questions to ensure that their focus is in the right direction.  

Serving leaders ask “Who am I becoming?“ to accelerate transformation.  Paul indicates that our transformation should be with “ever-increasing glory.” Serving leaders pause to reflect on who they are becoming so that their growth will be accelerated. They assess their direction and focus and where needed, make corrections and adjustments. By asking the question of themselves, serving leaders accelerate their own growth. Where needed they set personal growth goals which will be the focus of a future issue in this series.   

Serving leaders learn to ask themselves the question “Who am I becoming?” at least periodically. They set aside some time to think through their responses and often find it helpful to step aside from their normal routines for this reflective question. Put a date and time in your schedule that you will begin to ponder this question.  

For further reflection and discussion: 

• As I look at my life in the past year, what changes have I made in who I am? Am I moving in the direction that I need to go? How would I finish this sentence, “Since last year I am becoming more …..? What would my spouse or a close friend say about who I am becoming?   
• Where is my focus? To what sources do I look for inspiration, guidance, ideas and wisdom? Am I becoming a person more focused on Jesus or other sources? What does my calendar indicate about my focus? What changes do I need to make?     
• How can my personal transformation be accelerated? Based on my answers to the previous questions, what changes do I need to make in my life? With whom do I need to share these things?  

Until next time, yours on the journey, 

Jon Byler 

In the next issue, we’ll examine the same question serving leaders ask of others, “Who are you becoming?”  

We all love stories of victory and triumph, when truth wins and justice triumphs. But life and leadership do not always end this way, and John’s leadership certainly did not. His life ended with pain and suffering when Herod threw him into prison after John rebuked the king for his immorality. Now Herod had arrested John and bound him and put him in prison because of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife, for John had been saying to him: "It is not lawful for you to have her." Herod wanted to kill John, but he was afraid of the people, because they considered him a prophet. On Herod's birthday the daughter of Herodias danced for them and pleased Herod so much that he promised with an oath to give her whatever she asked. Prompted by her mother, she said, "Give me here on a platter the head of John the Baptist." The king was distressed, but because of his oaths and his dinner guests, he ordered that her request be granted and had John beheaded in the prison. His head was brought in on a platter and given to the girl, who carried it to her mother. John's disciples came and took his body and buried it. Then they went and told Jesus. When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns (Matthew 14:3-13). John suffered more than the loss of his life. He was “bound” and experienced physical pain. He was separated from his closest friends and family. During his time in prison, he was painfully aware that he could no longer preach to the crowds. He could not experience the joy of baptizing people in response to his message. He suffered all of this because he had boldly spoken the truth to a king! We quickly applaud John’s courage for confronting wrong, but we are less comfortable with the suffering which followed. Yet John’s suffering was not in vain, and it teaches all servant leaders that suffering can have purpose.

Suffering refined his heart.

For John, the days in prison and physical suffering brought doubt (which we examined in the last issue) to the surface of his heart. Thankfully, he was able to express it and accept the answers from Jesus. During his days in prison he surely examined his motives for leadership and reflected on his call. One of the purposes of suffering is to reveal what is deep within us. Suffering, while painful, exposes what lies deep inside, hidden until the pain reveals it to us. When exposed, these heart issues can be healed. Servant leaders embrace the pain of suffering as their heart is refined.

Suffering complemented his message.

John’s message changed lives but his suffering also impacted the lives of others around him. When Jesus heard that John was imprisoned, he changed his own location (see Matthew 4:12). When John’s disciples came to bring his questions to Jesus, He took the occasion to change His message and talked about the role of John (see Matthew 11:7-19). When Jesus heard of the gruesome beheading, He withdrew to a quiet place for reflection. John’s disciples were also touched by his suffering as they ministered to his physical needs and delivered his messages. At his death, they came and lovingly carried his body away for burial. John teaches us that the way we go through suffering may impact others as much as our public message. As we allow suffering and pain to shape and change us, others are watching and learning. The message of servant leaders is completed in suffering.

Suffering completed his life purpose.

John knew that he was to be a messenger for the one who would come after him. He is the one who said of Jesus, “He must increase and I must decrease.” God used John’s voice for a season, but the time was finished. In this instance, it ended with what appears to be failure, yet John fully completed his calling. Servant leaders accept that when allowed by God, their suffering completes God’s purpose for their life.

John’s suffering with purpose teaches us that we can lead from prison as well as in public.

For further reflection and discussion:

• Why do we shrink from suffering and how does John’s life help us when faced with suffering?
• What does Philippians 1:29-30 teach about suffering and how is it different from what many teach about Christians and suffering?
• Reflect on how your own life has been impacted by suffering, either your own or watching others go through suffering. Think of physical, emotional, relational pain or loss. What lessons have you learned? Of what value was the pain you experienced? How did it refine your heart?
• Reflect on how the suffering of John touched the lives of his disciples and Jesus. What do you think Jesus did when he was alone after John’s beheading? Before he died, do you think John was aware of the impact his suffering had on others? Why or why not? What does this teach us about suffering?
• Reflect on how Jesus identifies with those who suffer from Hebrews 2:18, “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.” How can this affect your view of suffering?