This Christmas season believers all over the world reflect on the amazing story of God entering our world as baby. It is a story filled with angels, dreams, miracles, and awe. At the center of the story we find Joseph and Mary on a journey to Bethlehem, finding a stable in which to spend the night when Jesus was born. While there are so many facets to this story and so many leadership lessons, let’s look at Joseph’s role in this story. Amazingly, we don’t have any recorded words from this man. He served with silence! (Read his story in Matthew 1-2 and Luke 2.)  This is not to imply that he didn’t speak, only that nothing he said is recorded. His silence challenges all serving leaders to learn to serve with silence.

Serving with silence enhances listening.

Joseph’s silence encouraged him to listen and to listen well! When he was considering how to respond to his pregnant fiancé he listened as God spoke to him in a dream. (Matthew 1:18-21). It would have been much harder for him to hear God’s voice if he had loudly declared what he was intending to do. The plan was already in his mind, but had not come out of his mouth and he was able to listen and change his plans. He listened again when his dream instructed them to flee to Egypt to avoid the wrath of king Herod. He modeled well the words that James, possibly his son, would write later, “Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear” (James 1:19, MSG). Perhaps James learned this by observing his father.

Many leaders focus on what they say and spend more time speaking than listening. Josef teaches serving leaders that silence enhances listening. Serving leaders recognize that when they are speaking they are not listening.

Serving with silence elevates others.

On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him (Matthew 2:9-11a, NIV). Joseph was not even mentioned in the visit of the wise men! And in many other places Mary is named first and honored more. Joseph often acted as a strong leader. He took Mary to be his wife after hearing from the angel. He named Jesus and presented Him in the temple. He guided the family on international journeys. But he did it with few words, none recorded for us. His silence elevated others!

Many leaders elevate themselves by talking a lot. Serving leaders learn that when they are silent about themselves, others can shine. They are quick to give credit to others on their teams instead of drawing attention to themselves. They recognize that speaking often elevates the speaker while silence elevates others.

Serving with silence encourages humility.

After the story of Jesus in the temple at 12 years old, we don’t hear any further mention of Joseph. Mary is sometimes mentioned before Joseph and sometimes he is omitted completely. Joseph served with silence and did not protest about the lack of credit for his leadership. This silence reflects his humility. His ability to listen and elevate others shows the humble heart of a serving leader.

Many leaders speak and make sure that everyone around knows what they have accomplished and the impact they have made in the world. But serving leaders quietly and often silently lead with humility. Silence encourages humility by keeping leaders in a less visible place.

The silence of Joseph is a timely example to all serving leaders. His example certainly does not imply that we should not speak. But he challenges us to serve more by speaking less.  

For further reflection and discussion:

• How often do I lead with silence? What does the life of Joseph call me to practice in my leadership?
• Am I quicker to speak or to listen? How does that impact my leadership? What can I do to strengthen my ability to listen well?
• Are there ways recently that I have elevated myself by speaking? What can I do to elevate others more consistently?
• What does the amount of speaking I do reflect about my heart? Does it reflect pride or humility?                     

Merry Christmas to each of you! It’s a privilege to write these reflections and I’m grateful that you read them. Give a gift to a friend by forwarding this to them and encouraging them to subscribe!

CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR YOU! Center for Serving Leadership has a special Christmas gift, a free offer on our Serving Leader Short Course, normally priced at $99, now FREE until Jan. 2, 2023. Click here to enroll.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll begin a series on Paul’s leadership pipeline.

We have examined many ways in which servant leaders need to learn to be silent. But the most difficult time to remain silent is when we are personally attacked or accused of doing wrong. When this happens, our natural response is to defend ourselves, often loudly! Self-defense is often considered a universal human right. But when Jesus was on trial, He modeled a very different way.

⁵⁹The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were looking for false evidence against Jesus so that they could put him to death. ⁶⁰But they did not find any, though many false witnesses came forward. Finally two came forward ⁶¹and declared, “This fellow said, ‘I am able to destroy the temple of God and rebuild it in three days.’”  ⁶²Then the high priest stood up and said to Jesus, “Are you not going to answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?” ⁶³But Jesus remained silent. The high priest said to him, “I charge you under oath by the living God: Tell us if you are the Messiah, the Son of God”(Matthew 26:59-63). Jesus’ ability to remain silent in this situation is remarkable and has much to teach us about the power of silence in self-defense.

Silence in self-defense reveals humility. Jesus’ silence revealed a deep humility. The accusation they made against Him was a misrepresentation of what He had said in John 2:19. Surely Jesus would set the record straight! But He humbly remained silent, refusing to defend Himself.

Proud people argue their case, they defend themselves loudly. They cannot accept any accusation that makes them look bad whether they are right or not. But servant leaders demonstrate humility as they remain silent when wrongly accused.

Silence in self-defense reflects confidence. Jesus demonstrated remarkable confidence with His silence. He didn’t need to argue about His identity as the Messiah. He did not need to defend who He was. He knew who He was. His silence shouted that He had nothing to prove.

Silence in self-defense speaks more loudly than shouting and arguing. It reveals a deep confidence that I don’t need to prove I am right; I know I am right. Sometimes the strongest sound is silence. Servant leaders express confidence by keeping quiet when accused.

Silence in self-defense requires trust in God. The silence of Jesus while on trial shows that His trust was not in any human verdict that would condemn or release Him. He knew that only God would determine His destiny. Peter, only a few moments after Jesus’ silence, would vigorously defend himself (see Matthew 26:69-75). But years later as he recalled Jesus’ death said, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).Jesus’ silence influenced Peter who now challenges us to follow the example of Jesus.

Leaders who trust in themselves need to speak loudly and persuasively in self-defense. But leaders who trust in God’s judgment can quietly wait for His verdict. Servant leaders express trust in God when they remain silent in self-defense.

Is there ever a time to for a leader to speak up when accused? Jesus, right after this silence, was commanded by the high priest to speak. At that point He calmly spoke the truth about His identity. There are times when it is right to speak in defense of truth on our own behalf. But servant leaders only use this right after they have learned the painful discipline of silence. They cry out to God for wisdom to know when to speak and when to influence through silence.

Silent leadership speaks loudly in self-defense! Servant leaders move up by shutting up!

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Am I humble enough to be quiet when wrongly accused? What is it within me that rises to defend myself?
• In what life situations have I kept quiet and simply trusted God to determine the outcomes? What was the result? If I have not done this, is there a current situation in which I should follow Jesus by keeping quiet?
• In what situations is it good for me to share a verbal defense of my actions? How do I know when it is the right time to talk and when to keep silent? What do I need to do before opening my mouth?
• Is there a difference between defending myself and defending others who are falsely accused? How do I determine the difference?

In the next series, we’ll look at choosing leaders God’s way.

Leaders influence others by persuasion. They can convince others to follow their vision, to support the cause, and to be a part of the team. Almost always, we try to persuade others with words, often strong or loud words that end with exclamation marks! But sometimes the greatest influence to persuade comes in silence!

Peter instructs wives who have unbelieving husbands, Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives (1 Peter 3:1-2).

In this situation, the husband does not agree with the beliefs of the wife. The wife’s desire is to persuade the husband of the truth she knows. We might advise her to construct well-developed arguments about the existence of God and the need for salvation, and to present them boldly. But Peter advises her to be silent! The silence, combined with godly behavior, would win the husband “without words.” Servant leaders learn the power of persuasion with silence.

Silent persuasion reveals respect. Peter encourages the wives to submit “without words.” Loud arguments would show disrespect and drive the husband away. But quietly living out her life and not pushing him to agree, shows her respect for him as a person.

Good leaders show respect to others, especially those with whom they disagree. They show respect for the other, sometimes by simply continuing the relationship without constant reminders of the disagreement. They recognize that respect will open the door to influence.

Servant leaders often show respect by their silence. They allow God time and space to work in the lives of the other person. Sometimes that time and space changes their own position! Servant leaders recognize the power of respect to persuade through silence.

Silent persuasion invites a closer look. “They will see the purity and reverence of your lives…” The silence of the wife would allow the husband to see! Silence invites the husband to turn his head and see what his wife is doing, thinking or expressing without words. Words encourage people to look at our mouth or to look away; silence encourages them to turn and look more closely.

Leaders model the way before they proclaim the way. They allow their lives to encourage followers to take a closer look. Servant leaders influence through silence as they encourage a closer look.

Silent persuasion transforms hearts. The silence of the wife, coupled with consistently good behavior, could “win over” the heart of the husband. The husband expects confrontation and arguments from her. If she argues, he will respond in the same way and likely win the battle! But instead. he finds only silent “purity and reverence.” The silence is unexpected and has tremendous power. In the end, the power of silence breaks his resistance and he accepts the position of his wife.

Servant leaders learn, especially when there is disagreement, that silence has power to persuade. Servant leaders acknowledge that while God can use their words to bring change, He can likewise use their silence to transform the heart of another. Servant leaders sometimes influence through silence and they see God transform hearts.

Certainly, there are many situations in which leaders are called to share their opinions and have healthy, genuine debate on an issue. But there are also times when leaders would do well to take the advice of Peter and lead with silence. Servant leaders cry out to God for the wisdom to know when they should persuade with words, and when silence is the right approach.

Servant leaders learn that silent leadership speaks loudly in persuasion! They move up by shutting up!

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• How do I show respect to those who disagree with me? Is my respect ever expressed in silence? Are there times when my silence would be disrespectful?
• Does my life encourage people to lean in and look more closely, or to move away from my arguments? What is the result in my leadership?
• Am I in a difficult relationship now which has strong disagreements? If I practice silence, would it allow God to change the heart of the other person? What might silence also do to my own heart?
• In what way do the principles of this passage to wives with unbelieving husbands apply to all relationships? In what ways might these verses not apply to others? How can we know when to be silent and when it is right to speak?
• Is there a way that silence can become a weapon to fight instead of a tool to influence? Or is there a difference between refusing to talk and choosing to be silent?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2020.

In the next issue, we’ll examine the sound of silent leadership…in self-defense.

Recall the last conversation you had with a close friend. Who did most of the talking, you or the friend? Did the one who talked the most have more influence? We usually think that the person who talks most in the conversation has the most influence. This is true sometimes, but not nearly always!

Effective leaders learn that many times in conversation silence is the wisest action. They consider these words from Proverbs, The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues (Proverbs 17:27-28).

Servant leaders learn that the sound of silence in a conversation demonstrates leadership.

Silence in conversation shows self-control. “…uses words with restraint” (17:27). Everyone wants their voice to be heard. Even the most introverted personalities have something to say. In conversation it is natural and easy to keep talking. How many times do we “bite our tongue” to not say what is really in our minds? To be silent shows great self-control. It is difficult and takes restraint.

Leaders often believe that they have more to say than others and their vision encourages them to talk more than others. Leaders without self-control will soon dominate a conversation. The conversation becomes all about their thoughts and ideas with very little room for the other person(s).

But servant leaders learn that influence can actually increase when words decrease. Silence allows time for listening to the other. A simple question can open the door to the other person’s heart and bring help to them. Servant leaders show self-control as they are silent in a conversation.

Silence in conversation shows security. “…whoever has understanding is even-tempered” (17:27). The “even-tempered” person is able to speak when needed but equally able to keep quiet! This person is not trying to impress others with many words and they are not worried about what others think. They are willing to listen and value the other person because they already know themselves and their own calling. This ability shows great personal security.

A leader who talks too much may simply be an extroverted personality. But the leader may also be insecure and feel a need to impress everyone around them with their talking. They keep talking to show others that they are significant. Servant leaders can be silent with no agenda to prove and nothing to hide. Servant leaders demonstrate security as they are silent in a conversation.

Silence in conversation shows wisdom. “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent” (17:28). Everyone knows that fools talk a lot, so silence is quickly associated with a wise person. If a fool could keep quiet, others would be fooled and think he is wise! This verse has produced the saying, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.”

Wisdom may be expressed in good words, but it may also be expressed in silence! Servant leaders learn that sometimes the wisest thing to say is nothing at all! The other person may not yet be ready for the great idea you have. They may not be ready to change. They may not yet be able to understand what you want to communicate. Or it may be that your own heart is not yet at the right place to speak out the words that are in your mind. Servant leaders show wisdom as they are silent in a conversation.

As servant leaders demonstrate self-control, personal security, and wisdom, they increase their influence with others. They discover that knowledge is more revealed in restraint than in volume of words. Silent leadership speaks loudly in conversation! Servant leaders move up by shutting up!

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• When is the last time I said something I later regretted? How might the outcome have been different if I had shown restraint and kept quiet?
• How does my personal security impact the way I talk? Am I able to be quiet with no need to impress others, or do I need to talk a lot to show them who I am? What impact does this have on my leadership?
• Is my wisdom most often expressed in words or in silence? How has this impacted my leadership and is there a way I need to change?
• Reflect on your schedule for today. In what conversations might God be inviting you to speak less? Try it, then reflect on how it felt and what impact it had on the relationship!

 In the next issue, we’ll look at the sound of silent leadership…in persuasion.

Copyright, Global Disciples 2020.

When you pray, how much of it is you talking? Most often we think of prayer as talking, one-way communication with God. This is certainly a part of prayer and should be greatly increased!

But for this issue, we want to reflect on what it means pray following the instructions given in Ecclesiastes 5:2, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.” The writer of these words encourages all of us to practice restraint in our prayers to God.

“Let your words be few!” This is especially relevant to leaders who spend much of their time communicating with words. They talk clearly, boldly and often, as they share their vision and dreams with others. It is quite natural for a leader to come to God in the same way, with many words! The challenge for servant leaders is to learn to lead silently in prayer, with few words. As they do, they learn the power of silence in prayer.   

Silence in prayer exhibits submission. “Do not be quick with your mouth…” The person who talks usually controls the conversation. That’s why it is so hard to be quiet! The person who is quickest to speak often controls the situation. Leaders especially want to be in control and demonstrate this by talking, often loudly! Leaders are used to showing the way, giving instructions and calling others to action. When it is time for prayer, leaders naturally seek to influence God as they do others—with many words! But silence says, “I am not in control, I am not the boss!”

Being silent shows an attitude of submission. Ironically, submission takes tremendous courage. It demonstrates trust in God instead of trust in self. Servant leaders demonstrate submission in prayer by being silent before God.

Silence in prayer encourages listening. “Let your words be few.” We cannot talk and listen at the same time. When we stop talking, we are able to listen. When we sit in silence, we begin to hear sounds that were there all along, but we didn’t hear them because we were focused on other things. When a leader is silent it is easier to listen. How often do we hear God? Sometimes we do not hear because we do not stop to listen!

Servant leaders learn that God often waits to speak until we are silent! They are willing to discipline themselves to be quiet to hear His voice. Servant leaders learn to listen by being quiet before God.

Silence in prayer expresses worship. “God is in heaven and you are on earth.” When we stop in silence, we begin to recognize who God is and who we are. We see His greatness and His power. This changes our view of ourselves and our leadership roles. The recognition of who God is brings a different perspective and frees us to worship God. We bow in reverent worship. Servant leaders express worship as they silently enter His presence.

Certainly, there are many times where words are appropriate in prayer. Jesus offered “prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears…” (Hebrews 5:7). But most of us do not struggle to talk; we struggle to be quiet! Silence in prayer is not easy, it is difficult. Servant leaders cry out to God for His grace to help them be silent in prayer. They discipline themselves to spend some portion of their time with God in silence.

As servant leaders grow in submission, and learn to listen, they find that silence helps them grow closer to God in worship. And as they grow, they increase their influence with those they lead. Silent leadership speaks loudly in prayer! Servant leaders move up by shutting up!

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Who controls my conversation in prayer: God or me? How does this impact my relationship with God? How does it impact my leadership?
• Do I hear God’s voice as often as I would like to hear Him? If not, is this a result of Him not speaking or me not listening? What do I need to change?
• We often evaluate our prayer life by how much time we spend talking. But how much time do I spend with God in silence? Is it enough? If not, what do I need to change? What makes it difficult for me be silent in prayer?
• Some people pray “silently” meaning that they don’t speak audible words to God, they just “speak” through their thoughts. What does it mean for this person to be silent in prayer?     

Servant leaders learn that leadership is not always about talking. They acknowledge that, at times, what is done in silence may have more impact than what is done in public speaking! They embrace the call of the writer of Lamentations to spend some time in silent reflection:

It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust—there may yet be hope (Lamentations 3:26-29).

This advice was written to a people mourning the destruction of Jerusalem, their capital city. During that crisis comes this call to wait quietly, sitting in silence. This passage doesn’t appear to be material for an article on leadership! But it contains nuggets of truth for every servant leader willing to slow down enough to listen. Silent reflection can shape the everyday life of the servant leader in several ways.

Silent reflection encourages waiting. “It is good to wait quietly…” Leaders are people of action, goals and achievements. They want progress! Their “to do” list calls loudly for action and waiting quietly is not usually on the list!

But waiting, in silent reflection, “is good” and brings many benefits. Time in silence calms the soul. It provides perspective. It reminds the leader that God is in control, not themselves. Waiting in silence slows a leader down and ironically prepares him/her for action. Many leaders, including myself, find great benefit in a daily discipline of spending a few minutes in silence and stillness before the activities of the day. Servant leaders prepare for action by waiting in silent reflection.

Silent reflection encourages solitude. “Let him sit alone in silence…” Leadership almost always happens with others. Leaders want to be with and work through others. Many leaders find it very uncomfortable to be alone. Solitude brings to the surface questions which the leader may not want to face. Silence in solitude with no activity or titles to cover the inner turmoil can make a leader feel naked and exposed. Questions of motives, purpose and direction are raised in solitude. Reflection in solitude helps a leader acknowledge his/her own emotions, pain, and struggles. Solitude raises hard questions that we often want to escape through noise and accomplishments.

This scripture encourages leaders not to run from solitude but to embrace it as a gift. Solitude is a gift that prepares the heart for relationship with others. Leaders who have not learned to be alone in solitude become noisy, dangerous leaders who cover their own insecurities with their leadership role. Servant leaders prepare to engage with others by spending time alone. 

Silent reflection encourages pondering. “Let him bury his face in the dust…” What a strange request! No one likes dust; we try as much as possible to avoid it and get away from it. But God invites us to take some time to “bury” ourselves in the painful dust. As we stop in silent reflection, we see the problem of the dust. We feel the pain. We reflect. We ponder the hard questions of life.

Leaders often seek solutions to the pain of others and search for ways to alleviate suffering or injustice. This passage encourages us to first take time in silence with our face in the dust before moving into action. Servant leaders prepare to meet the needs of those who hurt by first silently pondering their pain.  

Silent reflection is hard work! It will not happen by default especially in this digital age. But silent leadership speaks loudly in quiet reflection. Servant leaders move up by shutting up!

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Reflect on the Psalmist’s words, “Be still, and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10). Why do we need to be still to know that He is God? What happens to our perception of ourselves and our perception of God when we are quiet? What does it say about me if I find it difficult to be still?
• Do I reflect quietly at all? Enough? What regular rhythms of reflection do I need daily, weekly, periodically? What keeps me from silent reflection? How did this impact my leadership?
• When was the last time I was alone with myself and no distractions of phones, email, or media? What does this reveal about my lifestyle? In what way should I change?
• What happens to me internally when I am all alone? What does this reveal about who I am?
• Do I have a way to record and remember my thoughts, reflections and insights from time alone? If not, should I keep a journal of this time?
• Is there a danger that I spend too much time in silent reflection and move too slowly to act? If so, what do I need to do to balance reflection and action?

 In the next issue, we’ll look at the sound of silent leadership…in prayer.

Copyright, Global Disciples 2020.

What does leadership sound like? We usually think of leaders as strong, forceful personalities, loudly proclaiming their God-given vision and their amazing plan to change the world. They speak loudly and influence by declaration and proclamation. They grow in influence by taking courses in public speaking.

Speaking well is certainly an important part of leadership but the Bible has a lot to say about the power of silence!

In this series we’ll discover that silent leadership speaks loudly in many different areas. Servant leaders learn to leverage the sound of silence to increase their influence! Paul provides the general principle for all of life: And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody (1 Thessalonians 4:10-12).

Paul encourages his readers to “make it your ambition to lead a quiet life.” Ambition and quiet are not often found in the same sentence! Most leaders are ambitious for many things. They want success. They plan for action. They dream of making money, developing a large church or impacting the world. They love goals! But Paul adds this unusual goal, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life.” This verse gives three benefits that happen when servant leaders learn to lead with silence.

Silent leadership encourages focus. Paul says that the first benefit of a silent or quiet life is that we will learn to “mind your own business.” Leaders often step out of their own areas of authority to give their opinion on things about which they are not responsible. One of the dangers of speaking many words is that when leaders run out of good things to say, they say bad things or gossip! When they finish speaking truth, they begin sharing “half-truths” and then falsehoods.

Living a quiet life allows the servant leader to focus only on the areas to which God has called him or her. By their example servant leaders influence others to also mind their own business.

Silent leadership gets the job done. Paul challenges us to be quiet and “work with your own hands.”Some leaders spend so much time asking others to help they have no time to work! A quiet life focuses on being an example to others, showing rather than telling. The result is “you will not be dependent on anybody.” Servant leaders quietly get the job done. They lead by doing the work before calling others to join their efforts.

Silent leadership builds respect. Paul calls us to live quietly so that “your daily life may win the respect of outsiders.” Many leaders prepare well for public appearances, but Paul reminds us that servant leaders live a “daily life” of quiet faithfulness. This silent leadership will “win the respect of outsiders.” Leaders who make a lot of noise may be able to impress those on the ‘inside’, but they struggle to increase their influence beyond that circle. Servant leaders learn that silent leadership impacts even those on the ‘outside.’ They build influence by consistently doing what is right.

Paul’s instruction reminds servant leaders that living a quiet life does not reduce influence, it increases it. Servant leaders influence as they live quiet lives. They move up by shutting up!

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• In what areas am I tempted to speak which are not my areas of responsibility? What is the result in my leadership?
• Are there areas in which I am calling others to do things I am unwilling to do? What needs to change for me to lead by example?
• Is there any difference between my “daily life” and my public appearances? If so, what needs to change and when will I do it?
• Are there dangers of living a life that is too quiet? How do I guard against these dangers?
• How do I balance the call to live a “quiet life” with the call to be an ambassador for Christ? What are the dangers of going too far in either being quiet or making noise?

In the next issue, we’ll examine the sound of silent leadership…in reflection.

Copyright, Global Disciples 2020.