All leaders fail, but not all leaders find ways to make failure fruitful. The fear of failure often keeps leaders from moving forward and the pain of failure keeps them from trying again. Effective leaders turn failures into opportunities to grow by changing their perception of and response to failure.

This series will look at failure through the lens of one of the most public failures of the Bible, David’s sin with Bathsheba, a failure that is still talked about thousands of years later! This well-known story is found in 2 Samuel 11-12 where we learn that David committed adultery with Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba, and then plotted Uriah’s death. We’ll focus not so much on the details of his failure but on Psalm 51, which is his cry for forgiveness and his reflection on his failure. We’ll use the word “FAILS” to learn five principles that helped David respond to his failure in ways that brought fruit from his failure. The first is to Find a new definition of failure. David acknowledged his sinfulness but refused to let that define him.

3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.

5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place. 7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you (Psalm 51:3, 5-7, 12-13, NIV).

How did David define his failure and what can we learn from him?

Failure is an event, not an identity.

David clearly acknowledged that he had failed. “I know my transgressions…” At the same time, he cried out to God for cleansing in expectation that his sin could be forgiven and his joy restored. He saw his failure as an event, as something which had happened. But the failure was not his identity. His posture was essentially “I failed, but I’m not a failure.”

Some leaders allow failure to define them. They see themselves as failures and dwell on how badly they have done wrong. But serving leaders see failure as an event, not an identity. They can say with David, “Yes, I failed, but I’m not a failure.”

Failure is an opportunity for a new beginning.

David was in the depths of grief and sorrow as he reflected on his sin. Yet, he was able to see a glimpse of the future and declared that after his restoration, “I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.” He refused to see his failure as the end of the road for his influence. By faith, he could see how God would allow him to use his failure to help others.

Some leaders acknowledge their sin and assume that it’s the end of their ability to influence. But serving leaders believe that God will even use their failures to advance His purposes through their lives.

Failure is a universal human experience.

David does not minimize or excuse his sin, but he recognizes that human failure is a universal experience. He sees that he is not the only sinner in the world; there are other “transgressors” who have also failed as he has. He would not allow his failure to distance him from others but would use it to strengthen his connection with others who have also failed.

Some leaders allow their failures to isolate them from others. But serving leaders use their failures to associate more deeply with others.

For further reflection and discussion:

How do I normally see my failures, as an event or an identity? How has this impacted my response to failure?

Are there times that I have failed and allowed that failure to keep me from dreaming of ways that God could use me in the future? What has been the impact of this view on my life and leadership? What would change if I saw the same failure as an opportunity for a new beginning?

When I fail, do I allow the failure to isolate me from others, or do I use it to associate more with others? What difference does this make in my leadership? How do I move towards using my failures to bring me closer to others?

Read again the account of David’s failure in 2 Samuel 11-12, and his psalm of repentance, Psalm 51. What additional insights do you learn about failure from this story?

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll look at how to accept responsibility for your failures.

After Adam and Eve’s first sin, David’s affair with Bathsheba is perhaps the most widely known failure of all time. It is ironic that after all the great lessons we have learned from David’s life, we read in 2 Samuel 11-12 the sad story of lust, adultery, and murder. Yet even in this tragic account, servant leaders can learn several valuable lessons from David about sin and failure.

Servant leaders sin.

David was a man after God’s own heart with a passion for worship and a desire to please God. But his vulnerability was revealed when he saw Bathsheba from his rooftop and acted on his human instincts rather than God’s instruction. His actions remind us that even leaders after God’s own heart are human and prone to sin. The point may seem obvious, but leaders often forget that they are vulnerable. Leaders focus on vision, action, and success, which often leads to a sense of invincibility. It is easy to hear of a leader’s failure and think “That could never happen to me.” David’s experience, and that of many others, shows us that it could happen to any of us. Most leaders are severely tempted in at least one of the big three areas of money, sex, or power. Servant leaders recognize that they are vulnerable and ask God to guard their hearts in the areas of greatest temptation.

Servant leaders repent.

David’s repentance is nearly as well-known as his sin. After months of cover-up, David finally poured out his heart to God, For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me (Psalm 51:3-5). David’s repentance was specific, genuine, and complete. He did not make excuses; he agreed with God’s standard. He acknowledged that it was not simply an issue between him, Bathsheba, and her husband; it was ultimately a sin against God. He recognized that this failure was an expression of his sinful nature. His repentance gives all servant leaders hope in the grace of God to forgive even our greatest sin.

Servant leaders continue.

In his famous prayer of repentance after he pleads with God to forgive his grievous sin, David makes an astounding statement, “Then I will teach transgressors your ways” (Psalms 51:13). David had a desire that even in his failures God could use him to influence others. When we fail, our natural tendency is to either ignore the sin, or to see it and then assume God can no longer use us. Servant leaders do not accept either option. Instead they allow God to take their failure and use it as a means to bless others! After his sin, David would be more keenly aware of his own weakness and more appreciative of God’s grace. He would be a more broken leader and a more gracious teacher. He understood what Paul would later explain, “God’s power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). This should not encourage us to sin, but it should inspire all servant leaders to know God can take our failures and make us better leaders. Servant leaders don’t quit when they fail; they continue.

Leadership success is not dependent on perfection, but it is critical that all servant leaders learn to fail forward. The question is not if you will need this, the question is when.

For further reflection and discussion:

Read the entire account of David’s sin in 2 Samuel 11-12 and his repentance in Psalm 51.

• Reflect on one of your most significant sins. In what way might God want to use that for you to teach others His ways? Have you been free to do this? Why or why not? How does your own failure increase your effectiveness in teaching others?
• Reflect on the three areas of temptations for leaders: money, sex, power. Which of these is the greatest temptation for you personally? What safeguards do you place in your life to guard against this temptation? What can you learn from David’s story that can help you in this area?
• Reflect on the leadership of someone you know who, as far as you know, has never admitted a mistake. How does this impact their leadership ability?
• David remained in leadership after his sin, and from him we learn to continue even after mistakes. Are there times when it is necessary to step out of a role after a failure? What determines when this may be helpful?

Credit: Failing Forward is the title of an excellent book by John Maxwell on how leaders can deal with failure.

Confrontation is one of the most difficult and painful tasks of leadership and Paul didn’t like confrontation any better than we do. But when he recognized Peter’s hypocrisy Paul didn’t hold back. When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong (Galatians 2:11). Paul’s rebuke was both bold and humble and serves as a guide to all servant leaders of how to effectively confront when it is needed.

Boldness enables personal confrontation.

It took great courage for Paul to confront Peter. In the last issue we examined Peter who boldly confronted the religious leaders as the church was born. He was the spokesperson for the church and Paul was a latecomer to the leadership team. Paul did not have seniority or position over Peter. All these factors make Paul’s courage more remarkable. But he did it boldly and in this case, publically.

It takes courage to confront sin in another person’s life and many leaders shrink from this task. Some hope that the problem will go away with time or that someone else will do the difficult task of confrontation. Some cultures find it more difficult to confront especially when the confrontation is directed at someone in a higher position. But Paul’s boldness lay in his understanding of the issues involved and his genuine love for Peter. Peter’s hypocrisy threatened to destroy the power of the Gospel to break down barriers between Jews and Gentiles. It was a sin issue, not personal preference or opinion. Servant leaders can absorb personal insults and accusations, but when sin is involved they need courage to confront. However, they confront to bring change, nor for personal revenge or vindication. Paul was not trying to undermine Peter’s leadership or to take his position. It was not a personality fight or an attempt to make himself look good by making Peter look bad. Paul genuinely cared for Peter and wanted the best for him. Servant leaders love enough to speak out rather than ignoring the problem. They humbly desire the best for those they serve. When this calls for confrontation, they do so boldly.

Humility brings perspective to the confrontation.

Paul boldly confronted Peter but he did so with humility and love. His intent was to correct and build, not to destroy. Just a few chapters later Paul reminds all servant leaders, Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted (Galatians 6:1).Paul teaches servant leaders that the goal of confrontation is restoration and for that to happen it must be done gently. Servant leaders humbly recognize that even when they are called to confront, they themselves are far from perfect and acknowledge that they could easily be on the other end of the confrontation. Because they have experienced God’s grace, they invite others to receive His grace. Their goal is to restore not to destroy. This perspective radically alters both the content and spirit of the confrontation. If confrontation is done with the intent to prove the other person wrong, to vindicate oneself, to shame another, or instill fear in others, the outcome will not be redemptive. The spirit in which confrontation is done often determines the outcome.

Some leaders are bold and don’t fear confronting others. But they do it with arrogance and pride which almost always leads to conflict. Other leaders are so “humble” they never confront with courage. Again, no change happens. Servant leaders are called to confront boldly but with the perspective of humility. When both are present, there is great potential that the confrontation will bring a positive change of heart. But regardless of the outcome, servant leaders approach confrontation with bold humility.

For further reflection and discussion:

• In my leadership, do I more naturally confront wrong or avoid conflict? What is the result? What is God calling me to change?
• Reflect on the last time you confronted someone. Did you do it with a spirit of humility? (If not, you likely need to go back and repent!) Was the issue you confronted a sin or just a difference of opinion between you and that person?
• What current relationship in your leadership needs confrontation? What are the reasons you have not already confronted? What does Paul’s example teach you and what is the step you need to take this week?
• In what way is confrontation an expression of love? Does lack of love lead you to avoid confrontation or to do it with the wrong perspective?
• In what way does your culture influence confrontation? In what ways does Paul’s example speak specifically to your culture?
• In this example Paul’s rebuke was public. When is this needed and when is it best to confront privately?

In the two previous issues we examined how to get trust and how to keep it. But what happens when trust is lost? Recovering trust is one of the most difficult tasks servant leaders can face. Three steps will start you on the journey.

Identify what happened.

Look for the reasons trust has been lost. Was it your mistake or a character failure? Did the failure come from a former leader or something that happened in the history of the group you now lead? Was it a single incident or a series of events that caused the followers to lose trust? Servant leaders take the time to look for answers to these questions so they can determine how to lead their group forward and rebuild trust.

Acknowledge mistakes.

After you identify what has happened, appropriately acknowledge the mistakes made by yourself or other leaders. The followers already know what happened; they only wonder if their leader will address the issue or not. Leaders often feel that we must maintain a role of perfection. Nothing is further from the truth. When leaders refuse to openly take personal responsibility for their failures they only deepen the deficit of trust. Based on the circumstances of your situation this may need to be done privately to a few individuals or at a public meeting. Servant leaders are willing to take the initiative to acknowledge what has gone wrong.

As you openly acknowledge the hurts from the past, prepare yourself to take the heat that will result. In cases where you have been wrong and failed, God will need to work in your life to rebuild your character and it will be a time of testing for you in your spiritual journey. When others were responsible for lost trust, some of the pain or anger that followers experienced may be directed at you. In any case you will be called to a greater depth of personal humility, a part of God’s plan to shape and strengthen your character. Servant leaders are willing to allow God to do this work in their lives.

Commit to rebuild.

Make a commitment to do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust of your followers. The process of restoring trust will test your commitment to God, others, and the process itself. Recognize that it will take time, even more time than it took to establish trust initially since now you begin from a deficit. There will likely be some resistance to overcome. You may need to seek reconciliation between yourself and those who have been hurt in the past or to bring together persons who have been directly involved in the situation that destroyed trust.

As you rebuild trust, lead with an open heart. Where trust has been destroyed people build walls of protection that are natural defense mechanisms to avoid further pain. Servant leaders recognize that followers find it difficult to trust a leader who is not open. They seek God’s grace to keep their heart open to followers and thereby model what it means to trust again. This may mean that you appropriately disclose what you are doing to rebuild trust or reveal some of the pain you are going through in the time of rebuilding trust.

Finally, servant leaders maintain hope that trust can be restored. God gives grace to trust again and the power to offer grace to those who need to regain their trust in us.

For further reflection and discussion:

• In places where trust has been broken, have I done all I can to restore trust?
• In my leadership context, what are the reasons trust has been lost? What has been the result of this loss? Which persons are most deeply impacted? What is the level of my current relationship with them?
• What is an appropriate way for me to acknowledge to my followers the loss of trust? How can I take personal responsibility for the restoration of trust with my followers?
• What key individuals do I need to meet with to begin rebuilding trust?