Rehoboam chose to listen and he did well. He chose the group to whom he would listen and chose wrongly. The choices he made led to an outcome for which he had no choice!

When all Israel saw that the king refused to listen to them, they answered the king: “What share do we have in David, what part in Jesse’s son? To your tents, Israel! Look after your own house, David!” So all the Israelites went home. But as for the Israelites who were living in the towns of Judah, Rehoboam still ruled over them. King Rehoboam sent out Adoniram, who was in charge of forced labor, but the Israelites stoned him to death. King Rehoboam, however, managed to get into his chariot and escape to Jerusalem. So Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day (2 Chronicles 10:1-19).

Rehoboam’s choices brought loss to him as a leader. No leader would deliberately choose to lose. But leaders who choose to not listen are ultimately choosing to lose. Leaders choose to lose when they fail to listen. Servant leaders learn to listen well as they observe what Rehoboam lost.

Leaders lose influence when they don’t listen.

Rehoboam’s influence dissolved immediately as thousands of people “went home.” Yes, he was still on the throne, but he lost his ability to influence which is the essence of true leadership. The people talked of David’s house (Rehoboam’s blood line) as something they no longer had a part in. Rehoboam was still the king, but he was no longer their leader!

Servant leaders recognize that leadership is influence. If they lose the ability to influence others, their leadership is finished. Servant leaders listen well so they can continue to influence well.

Leaders lose authority when they don’t listen.

People turned away from Rehoboam’s leadership when they saw he wasn’t listening. Like many leaders who sense they are losing power, he tried to prove that he still had authority by sending Adoniram to force people to work. In the process he lost Adoniram and had to run for his own life! It was a visible demonstration of the authority he lost. Tough leaders, even dictators, can rule with power for some time. But when the people they are leading have enough, the people will become unmanageable.

Servant leaders don’t seek authority, but they earn it as they listen well.

Leaders lose people when they don’t listen.

Rehoboam’s refusal to listen caused him to lose most of the nation. He lost leaders, he lost priests, he lost farmers, he lost mothers and fathers. He lost people who could have been a part of his call to build the nation. But more than having the size of his kingdom significantly reduced, he lost all the potential good that could have come from a united kingdom.

God’s purposes for the nation were greatly hindered by Rehoboam’s actions. The nation would never recover. Never again would there be the worship that characterized David’s reign or the splendor of Solomon’s. The kings of the world would no longer come to learn from God’s people. That’s a high price to pay for refusing to listen!

Servant leaders seek to leverage maximum impact for the Kingdom of God with the largest number of people they can influence. They know that as they lead, they will lose some followers. But servant leaders listen well so they don’t lose any that should be on their team.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• In my leadership journey, was there a time that I did not listen well? What did I lose? What have I learned from that and what am I currently doing differently?
• As a leader, who have I lost along the way? Did their leaving have anything to do with me failing to listen? What might I have done differently?
• Are there people currently following me as a leader, but they have lost some confidence in my leadership because I have not listened well? What can I do to correct that?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019.

To whom do you listen when you have a tough decision to make? Rehoboam, like all leaders, had a choice to make. And the choice of who the leader listens to can have significant outcomes, as it did for Rehoboam.

We have already seen that Rehoboam learned that failing to listen would cost his leadership. But even leaders who listen well will not be able to make decisions that make everyone happy. So, it’s important for servant leaders to choose to listen to the right people.  Let’s learn from Rehoboam!

 Then King Rehoboam consulted the elders who had served his father Solomon during his lifetime. “How would you advise me to answer these people?” he asked. They replied, “If you will be kind to these people and please them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.” But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. He asked them, “What is your advice? How should we answer these people who say to me, ‘Lighten the yoke your father put on us’?” (2 Chronicles 10:6-9).

Servant leaders listen to all those they serve.

Rehoboam first consulted the elders and then the young men. He wisely chose to listen to both sides for this decision. Many leaders only listen to the people who already agree with them! Their listening only reinforces what they want to do. This is not listening well! Servant leaders learn to listen to all sides before reaching a conclusion. They welcome those with different viewpoints to the table and listen intently to all those they serve.

Servant leaders listen to those who serve others.

There was certainly a difference in the age of the two groups Rehoboam listened to, but there was something more that separated them. The older men had “served his father Solomon during his lifetime.” Those in the younger group “were serving him” (Rehoboam). This was a difference of perspective.

Because of their previous leadership, the men that had served his father brought a depth of experience and wisdom. They could see a much broader perspective. They were less interested in pleasing Rehoboam and more concerned for the nation. He had not appointed them! Rehoboam wisely turned first to this group. It would have seemed more natural to first hear from those who served him! Servant leaders learn to listen to those who serve others; they have wisdom to share!

Servant leaders listen to those who serve them.

Rehoboam then listened to the group “who had grown up with him and were serving him.”They pointed him in the direction he was already inclined to follow. For all leaders, this is the easiest group to hear—those around us who are eager to serve. They follow us and it is certainly wise to hear their voices and opinions. But servant leaders learn to listen to this group with caution, knowing that what feels good may not always be the wise direction. Servant leaders recognize that listening well to others does not always mean deciding to do what they advise.

Servant leaders listen to the one they serve.

Rehoboam took time and effort to listen to two very important groups of people, but he failed to listen to God! He had three days to listen, but we have no indication that he asked God for wisdom as his father had done. Servant leaders can learn from him that both groups are helpful but not adequate. Listening to God would have perhaps given Rehoboam the perspective he needed to overcome his pride and focus on position.

Servant leaders listen well to others, but also to the one they serve and allow His voice to be the loudest of all!

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• When I have a significant decision to make, to whom do I listen? Is this person or group the right one? Are there others I should be deliberate about hearing?
• Who are the people in my circle of influence who would fit in the category of serving others? (Either they were there before I was the leader, or they have served other leaders enough to gain different perspectives.) How could I find ways to listen to them?
• How do I deliberately include God in my decision-making process? Are there things I can do to allow His voice to be heard more clearly?

In the next issue, we’ll examine what leaders lose when they fail to listen.

If I asked you, “Do leaders talk, or listen?” what would be your most likely response? We usually focus more on what leaders say than on how they listen. But the short story of Rehoboam’s early leadership, found in 2 Chronicles 10, has many insights for servant leaders on the art of listening. Rehoboam is an example of a leader who tried to listen but failed miserably. Let’s learn from him!

Rehoboam was Solomon’s son and took over the kingdom of Israel after his father’s death. Early in his reign, a group led by Jeroboam*, a former high ranking official under Solomon and a rival leader, came with representatives of ten tribes to ask what kind of leader Rehoboam would be. They said, “Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but now lighten the harsh labor and the heavy yoke he put on us, and we will serve you” (2 Chronicles 10:4).

What a leadership opportunity for Rehoboam! He asked for three days to think about it and consulted two groups of advisors, some young and some older. After three days Rehoboam met again with group. The king answered them harshly. Rejecting the advice of the elders, he followed the advice of the young men and said, “My father made your yoke heavy; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.” So the king did not listen to the people…When all Israel saw that the king refused to listen to them, they answered the king: “What share do we have in David, what part in Jesse’s son? To your tents, Israel! Look after your own house, David!” So all the Israelites went home (2 Chronicles 10:13-16).

Because Rehoboam chose not to listen, the kingdom was divided! Servant leaders learn from Rehoboam that good leaders choose to listen.

Servant leaders learn that listening has more influence than position.  

Rehoboam had the position of ultimate power. He thought that as the king he could say whatever he wanted done, and people would follow. He learned the hard way that the willingness of followers to serve is not unlimited. They turned away from him in rebellion. Leaders who refuse to listen will eventually lose their position! It may not always happen as quickly and dramatically as it did with Rehoboam, but servant leaders learn to listen well!

Servant leaders learn that listening takes time.

Rehoboam took three days to decide what to do. When he heard the request from the people he wisely asked for time, asked for counsel, and heard from people on opposing sides. In this, he did well and demonstrates that listening takes time. It would have taken less time for Rehoboam to give his reply immediately as many leaders do! It is much easier for leaders to jump into action before stopping to listen. Servant leaders choose to take the necessary time to listen well.

Servant leaders learn that listening takes effort.

We can’t know all that happened in those three days, but Rehoboam tried hard to make a good decision. He listened to different opinions. Some advised him to treat the people gently and others harshly. He must have pondered what to do as he ate in the evening and while he went to sleep. Listening took effort on his part. In the end, he took the easy path that appealed to his own flesh and required less from him. Even though he listened to the wrong group, servant leaders learn from Rehoboam that listening well takes effort.  

All leaders have a choice; they can listen or try to lead without listening. Servant leaders choose to listen.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• As a follower, what experiences have I had with leaders who listened well or who did not listen well? How did their listening, or lack of listening, impact my willingness to follow them? What does that teach me now as a leader?
• Do the people who follow me believe that I listen to them? If I am not sure, do I have the courage to ask them for an honest response? How does that impact my leadership?
• What current leadership challenge is giving me an opportunity to listen well? Have I taken the time needed to listen to all sides? Have I made the effort to listen well? What more should I do after learning from Rehoboam?             

*Jeroboam had been a leader in Solomon’s court, in charge of the whole labor force. A prophet told him that he would be king over ten tribes, so he rebelled. Solomon tried to kill him, and he fled to Egypt. (Read the story in 1 Kings 11:26-40.) He returns after the death of Solomon and speaks with Rehoboam in the story we are considering.

My tongue has gotten me in plenty of trouble, but my ears? Never! If only I would learn to follow James’ counsel, Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear (James 1:19, The Message). Not surprisingly, the first recorded action of Jesus involved leading with His ears, “After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions” (Luke 2:46). Servant leaders learn from Jesus and recognize the significant benefits of leading with their ears.

Listening builds relationships.

Good listening always strengthens relationships. Think of someone you love to be around. My guess is that this person is a good listener; that’s why you enjoy being with them! We all love to be heard and understood and feel close to anyone who will listen. Leaders often seek to “fix” issues and solve problems before really listening. Often, what people want is not a solution but a listening ear. Servant leaders recognize this and actively seek to listen which builds strong relationships. They recognize that when people do not feel that their leader is listening, they look for another leader. King Rehoboam refused to listen to his people and the results are clear. “When all Israel saw that the king refused to listen to them, they answered the king: ‘What share do we have in David, what part in Jesse's son? To your tents, O Israel! Look after your own house, O David!’ So the Israelites went home” (1Ki 12:16). The entire kingdom was divided simply because a leader failed to listen. How many times have people walked away from your leadership “kingdom” because you weren’t listening?

Listening brings wisdom.

One of the best ways to learn is to ask questions and to listen. Jesus demonstrated this in the Temple as a young child. He recognized the truth of Prov. 23:19, “Listen, my son and be wise…” Listening to others is an education in itself. Servant leaders learn to be good listeners, recognizing that they can learn from little children as well as seasoned leaders. Their ears are open, intently seeking to grow in wisdom and understanding. They seek to understand where their followers are at and actively listen to people at the grassroots level of their organizations. Servant leaders have the humility to acknowledge that there are still things they don’t know and they are willing to listen and learn. They listen to criticism and where there is truth they respond appropriately. They grow in wisdom as they listen.

Listening builds respect.

Listening intently to someone shows that you value and respect that person. Moses is a great example of a leader who listened well to his father in law Jethro. “Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said” (Ex 18:24). What father-in-law would not love that kind of a man? Biblically speaking, listening implies obedience. Of course, servant leaders don’t always need to do everything they hear, but this kind of active listening builds mutual respect in a relationship. Servant leaders recognize that they cannot lead without respect. Active listening is one of the many ways that servant leaders gain the respect of followers.

Do you want to have strong relationships, be wise and be respected? Learn to lead with your ears! Take five minutes today to just listen; it may revolutionize your leadership!

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is a difficult relationship in your life right now? Reflect on how well you have sought to listen to this person and what God might be calling you to do in response.
• Are there times recently when you have tried to ‘fix’ a problem rather than listening? How is God calling you to change?
• Have you actively sought to grow in wisdom by listening to others around you? Take a moment to reflect on those whom God has placed around you that you could listen to and learn from. Take a step today to listen to them.
• In what ways do you actively seek to listen to people who follow you? If the group you lead is very large, have you developed ways to hear from the grassroots level?
• How is your listening at home, with your spouse, children, parents?

How much do your followers trust you? Your answer to that question will determine to a large degree how effective your leadership will be. Trust is so vital to your leadership that we will take the next three issues to examine how to get it, how to keep it and how to restore it. Servant leaders get trust from their followers by focusing on the foundation of solid character. They recognize the following principles about trust.

Servant leaders recognize the power of trust in leadership.

Leadership simply cannot function without trust. Every leader/follower relationship is based on some level of trust whether formally written or quietly assumed. If people lose trust, they leave, or in situations where they can’t leave, they make themselves ungovernable as with King Rehoboam (1 Kings 12:1-16). The level of trust that people have in your leadership determines your effectiveness as a leader and sets the tone for the entire organization. If you build an organization with a strong level of trust, it will be significantly more effective. Servant leaders acknowledge that trust is a gift from God which empowers them to lead.

Servant leaders recognize trust must be earned.

Some leaders assume that because they hold a position or title, followers should trust them. Trust may be granted initially to a person in a position but servant leaders realize that over time trust must be earned whether at home in family relationships, in the church, in business or any other form of leadership. Servant leaders recognize that they are responsible to act in ways that build trust and that they are continually either gaining or losing trust. They accept personal responsibility to live on a higher standard than those around them and acknowledge that they can be trustworthy regardless of the actions of others. Servant leaders work hard to build trust, not just to climb the leadership ladder, but so that they can more effectively influence others to be like Jesus.

Servant leaders recognize that trust flows from character.

Character, consistently expressed over time, yields trust. It’s so obvious that we can easily miss it…I will trust you if you lead with integrity; if not, I lose trust in you. Almost daily I read stories of leaders whose character flaws cost them their ability to lead. Servant leaders, empowered by the Holy Spirit, are strategically positioned to live with the highest levels of character. Even when they fail, they are not afraid to acknowledge their mistakes and try again.

Servant leaders recognize the power of a plan.

Character development does not happen by accident; it is forged as leaders make right choices over time. There are no shortcuts and no microwave solutions for developing character. Servant leaders are willing to pay the price of developing a plan to build their character not just because it is a good leadership practice but because it is their heart’s desire to become more like Jesus. They are ruthless in self-examination to expose character flaws and seek God’s help and the help of mentors and accountability partners to develop in areas of weakness.

To think about: Does my leadership inspire trust?

In the next issue we’ll examine the question of how a servant leader keeps trust.

For further reflection and discussion:

• How trustworthy am I as a leader? How would my followers answer that question about me?
• Is my trustworthiness growing or diminishing? What evidence can I point to that illustrates this?
• Am I aware of flaws in my character? (see checklist below)
• Do I have a plan to develop my character? Are there persons who can speak into my life in the area of character flaws?

Character checklist….

• Do I have obvious character flaws? (Anger, bitterness, immorality, bad language, lateness, lack of discipline with physical body, etc.)
• Am I in control of my tongue?
• Do I have respect for authority over me?
• Do I abuse my authority over others in any way?
• Can others trust that I will do what I say I will do?
• Are there promises I have made in the last month which I have not fulfilled?
• Do I have ‘secret’ sins that are unknown to others?
• Do I treat ‘weak’ people in a Christ-like way?
• Are my motives pure?
• Are my moods stable?
• Do I keep the confidences of those who trust me with their stories?

In our last issue we looked at the call for servant followers. It focused on following well. But this begs the question, “What can the leader do to encourage followers to follow well?” True leaders will influence this process and recognize that healthy leaders produce healthy followers. In this issue we’ll focus on four steps leaders can take to encourage followers to follow.

Model the way.

This basic principle of effective leadership is critical in the area of building effective followers. Be an example of what it means to follow well. Paul understood this principle when he said, “Follow me…as I follow Christ.” (1 Cor. 11:1) Before he could call others to follow him, he needed to be a follower. Assess your own followership. How well do you follow? How do you speak about those in authority over you? Have your followers ever seen you support a directive you wouldn’t have chosen?

Serve your followers.

Serve first, before you expect others to serve you. Rehoboam’s counselors understood this well when they said, “If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.” (1Ki 12:7) Rehoboam didn’t listen to this advice. He wanted servant followers without being a servant leader. He learned the hard way that leadership just doesn’t work like that! Check on your rating as a servant leader. Can you point to one specific action you have done in the last week that shows the heart of a servant? Will that action be recognized by others as service? If in doubt, ask your followers if they have observed any act of service from you in the last month. If you ask those who are not afraid to speak truth their response might be revealing!

Earn trust.

Trust cannot be commanded, it must be earned. If you find yourself making statements like “Trust me, I’m the leader” you likely have a long ways to go in building trust with your followers. Listen carefully and allow God to speak through those you lead. In the process, recognize that some followers deal with hurts from the past. Their experience with abusive leaders or other pain makes it very hard for them to trust your leadership, no matter how Christ like. It will take time to heal these wounds.

Teach about followership.

When you can honestly say that you have a good record of accomplishment in the first three steps, it is time to raise the issue of servant followership in teaching or open discussion. When the time is right, move with quiet strength in this area and with the confidence that God has called you to lead and a part of your leadership will be to move yourself and others to healthy positions of leading and following for the good of the organization. You are responsible to influence; don’t expect the followers to initiate this process. Do this with courage and mixed with a lot of humility especially in situations where previous leaders have abused their positions. Share with others your expectations both for leaders and followers. Do a motive check before you attempt to speak on this issue. Why do you want to teach about followership? Is it for your own good, or for the good of the followers? If you are doing it with a hidden agenda or to make your leadership easier, don’t do it! That’s not servant leadership! But if you genuinely want to see each part of the team functioning to their fullest capacity move forward with courage.

For further reflection and discussion:

• How am I doing as a follower? (You might want to review the last issue and read it not as a leader, but to assess how well you are a servant follower!)
• In what ways have I recently demonstrated servant leadership to my followers?
• In what ways have my actions built or destroyed trust in my followers? What needs to be strengthened or changed to build trust?
• Have I tried too quickly to teach about followership? What has been the result?
• When is the right time for me to teach about followership? How will I know that the time is right? Are there others, not in formal positions of leadership, who could help bring a healthy perspective to others?

At a break in a conference a leader came to me and said, “People trusted me until I became a leader.” He was a part of an organization that had a deep mistrust of leaders and his comments addressed the difficulty of leading in this environment. Servant leadership is not just about the leader’s ability to lead well; it is also about those who follow.

The wise leaders who counseled King Rehoboam understood the interplay between servant leaders and followers when they said, “If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.” (1Kings 12:7) Servant leaders working with servant followers create a dynamic team! Furthermore, every leader is also a follower in another relationship and learning to follow well is a prerequisite for effective leadership. How can you be a servant follower?

Servant followers respect the leader.

Leaders need respect. No leader is perfect and most followers are quite skillful in noting the imperfections of the leader! But servant followers recognize that leadership is a tough job. Leaders deal with many headaches and problems. Leaders must consider the perspectives of many people they lead and your opinion is only one of them! Respect is often shown in how we speak about the leader. The discussion at the water coolers or break room at the workplace and the conversation with the family around the noon meal on Sunday exposes true the hearts of the followers.

Servant followers express loyalty.

When a strong relationship exists between the leader and follower, loyalty should be a natural outcome. Loyalty simply means acknowledging and acting like we are on the same team and being supportive through good times and bad. Loyalty is not blind agreement and servant followers can and should appropriately express their opinions to the leader. In fact loyalty is often shown by the willingness to share information with the leader about what you think or what you observe in the organization. For a servant follower, this is not done with malicious intent as gossip; rather it is done to show support and loyalty to the leader.

Servant followers embrace the vision.

For an organization to move forward both followers and the leader must share a common vision. Vision can be developed in different ways in different contexts. Sometimes the creation of a vision is a group effort; in other situations, the primary leader formulates the vision. In any case, when it has been agreed upon, servant followers wholeheartedly support the vision of the organization and work enthusiastically to bring it to pass. If you are a follower and don’t agree with the vision of your leader perhaps it is time to your group a favor and move elsewhere!

Servant followers are teachable.

Servant followers deliberately place themselves in a position to learn from the leader. They realize that even when the leader makes mistakes or leads poorly, they can learn valuable lessons. Servant followers are willing to ask questions, to seek clarification, and open to counsel from their leader. They are secure enough to realize that they need to grow and deliberately learn from their leaders.

Every servant leader needs a team of servant followers. Do yourself and your leader a favor, learn to follow well!

For further reflection and discussion:

• How well do I follow? What do I need to do to improve my ability to follow well?
• How can servant leaders influence followers to be servant followers?
• In what practical ways can I show respect to a person I follow?
• What is something I can do to encourage my leader?
• Are there things I observe in my organization which I should respectfully share with my leader?