God created a lovely world that was flourishing, alive, and good in every regard. But then, for the first time, something in this world was described as “not good.”

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18, NIV).

What was “not good” in the world? Man was created with intrinsic value since he was made in the image of God. Adam was good. But it was “not good” for him to be alone. He was created for relationship with others. We often see this principle as the foundation of marriage since God created a woman to meet this need. But it also points to something much deeper in God’s design, our need for relationships. God was so intent on making sure that we recognize this ingredient for a flourishing world that He allowed a glimpse of what was not good, a person alone! Serving leaders reflect on God’s plan for honoring relationships as a part of His flourishing world.

Honoring relationships accelerates flourishing by acknowledging the intent.

God’s intent was for relationships with others to be a defining characteristic of being human. The first man and first woman were brought into relationship with each other as well as into relationship with God. He designed us to live, work, and walk together with others. Even the most introverted person needs others! It’s not a surprise that solitary confinement is considered one of the most severe punishments or even torture. We are not created to be alone! God’s intent was for each of us to find meaning, value, and purpose in relationship to others. In our families of origin, He designed relationships in which we form identity, a sense of belonging, and value. As we relate to others, we are able to build capacity for deep, authentic relationships that bring joy and meaning to what we do.

 Honoring relationships accelerates flourishing by anticipating the impact.

Sin brought so much pain and brokenness to relationships that many have concluded that it may be better to be alone. And some cultures value independence over interdependence. But serving leaders recognize that honoring relationships is a part of God’s design. They see their business, church, family, and community as places that God intends for people to thrive with strong, healthy relationships. They envision a world in which strong teams work together in harmony to accomplish great things.

Honoring relationships accelerates flourishing by accepting the implications.

Serving leaders acknowledge that there are many leadership implications to honoring relationships. First, they seek to enter into and maintain strong healthy personal relationships. They seek out authentic friendships and resist the temptation to isolate themselves from others. Then, they seek to lead those they serve into healthy relationships. They build teams and lead them through the process of discovering how to balance honesty and kindness.  They look for the person isolated outside the circle and seek to pull them in. They encourage the quiet people to speak out and find their voice. Serving leaders acknowledge that accomplishment of the vision will only happen when relationships are honored. So, they encourage time not just to accomplish tasks but also to build relationships. Serving leaders look for results, but they don’t overlook relationships. They create environments in which people flourish together in strong, healthy relationships.

Serving leaders create a flourishing world around them by honoring relationships.

For further reflection and discussion:

How has the intent of honoring relationships been distorted in your context? Reflect specifically about the thinking in this area in your culture, your family, and in the organization where you lead. What impact has this thinking had on you as a leader? In what ways do you need to adjust your thinking to align with God’s intent?

Reflect on what the impact would be if everyone in your organization would fully grasp and live out what it means to honor relationships. What is the current level of health in relationships on your team? Write at least three reflections.

What action steps will you take as a leader to honor relationships in your home, organization, or community? Choose which of these areas you will focus on and then list 2 or 3 specific steps you will take and dates for when you will take the actions.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler In the next issue, we’ll examine another ingredient of a flourishing world: Growth is Expected

Loneliness is not a new emotion; it was keenly felt by David when he said to God, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Psalm 25:16).

In another Psalm he pours out his heart, feeling all alone and forsaken even by God. ^{1 “}My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? ² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. ³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the one Israel praises… ¹⁰ From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God. ¹¹ Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help… ¹⁹ But you, LORD, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me. ²⁰ Deliver me from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs. ²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions; save me from the horns of the wild oxen. ²² I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you” (Psalm 22:1-3, 10-11, 19-22).

Leaders experience loneliness like everyone else. In addition, leaders often face an increased loneliness that comes from their leadership position. Although leaders work closely with people, they often face leadership challenges of which followers are not even aware. A business leader may wrestle alone with a financial decision that will impact the lives of many people. A pastor carries alone the weight of a church member in a personal crisis.

As a leader David also experienced loneliness and helps servant leaders understand how to lead with loneliness.

Loneliness should be recognized. David cries out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He recognizes that he is feeling abandoned by God. He felt all alone. Loneliness may also produce other emotions such as depression or sorrow, but David properly recognized that his primary feeling was abandonment or loneliness.

When loneliness is not identified, the pain is still keenly felt. Leaders are tempted to temporarily relieve the pain by overeating, indulgence in sexual fantasies or other illegitimate pleasures, addictive behaviors, etc. Servant leaders recognize loneliness, and this helps them guard their heart against moving in these unhealthy directions.

Loneliness should be revealed. David not only recognizes his emotion, he shares it with all of us! Leaders who seek to keep their loneliness hidden often sink further into depression or despair. Leaders who are willing to reveal their feeling of loneliness are able to adjust as needed and to take steps to avoid the pitfalls mentioned above.

Revealing loneliness also helps servant leaders seek help from God and others. David cried out to God, “Come quickly to help me.” Servant leaders learn to reveal their loneliness.

Loneliness should be restrained. David turns his focus from his own loneliness to say, “I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you.” David recognized that if he focused on his loneliness, it would take him in a wrong direction as a leader. He poured out his soul to God, but then moved on to acknowledge God’s strength and ability to help. He also knew that isolation would only increase his sense of loneliness and that God created “the assembly” as a community.

Servant leaders learn to restrain their loneliness so that it does not control their ability to lead. They don’t allow loneliness to keep them from others and, like David, deliberately seek relationships with others. They actively seek God’s presence in their lives and join with others in praise to God. In community, they learn to lead even when lonely.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• Read all of Psalm 22 and reflect on how David experienced and expressed his loneliness. Jesus also quoted this Psalm of David when he was on the cross. How does this Psalm speak to me as a leader?
• As a leader, what situations do I face that produce loneliness in me? What can I learn from David about how to lead with loneliness?
• When I feel lonely, how can I express this to myself and others appropriately? What keeps me from expressing my loneliness?
• When I feel lonely, what specific temptations do I face? In what way do these temporarily cover my pain? What are more healthy ways to respond to my loneliness?
• Psalm 68:6 says that “God sets the lonely in families.” In what way do I find hope and connectedness with others? What do I need to do intentionally to strengthen my ‘family’ relationships?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.