As he developed his leadership capacity one of the areas that Timothy needed to learn was the discipline of self-control. Consider these instructions from Paul to the young leader:  

I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy (2 Timothy 1:3–4, NIV).

Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will (2 Timothy 2:25–26).

Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly (2 Timothy 2:16).

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives tales; rather, train yourself to be godly” (1 Timothy 4:7).

These passages reveal three areas in which Timothy learned self-control.

Timothy learned to control his temper.  

Paul remembers Timothy’s tears and urges him to instruct “gently” when he would be tempted to lash out in anger.  Sorrow and anger are two of the many emotions that every leader faces. Paul does not rebuke Timothy for these emotions, but tenderly encourages self-control, one of the fruits of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23). Anger is perhaps one of the most potentially destructive emotions for leaders. No one wants to follow a leader who cannot control their temper and a lack of self-control in this area has hindered the effectiveness of many leaders.   A temper out of control is a leadership nightmare.

But serving leaders both acknowledge and control their emotions. They are not afraid to reveal their tears and they learn to keep their anger from being destructive.  They acknowledge that they can’t serve others when they lose their temper.  

Timothy learned to control his tongue.   

We have already observed Paul’s instruction for Timothy to instruct his opponents “gently”. Paul recognized that it requires great self-control to speak gently when there is direct opposition! The tongue often verbally expresses the anger in the heart and will not lead to the repentance encouraged by a gentle tongue. Paul also warns Timothy against “godless chatter….godless myths and old wives tales..” He is referring broadly to speech that is not helpful. While words spoken in anger are obviously harmful, other speech is simply not helpful and Paul cautions Timothy to control his tongue so as to avoid this kind of speech. Many leaders have tongues that are as unpredictable as the weather and are more harmful than helpful. But serving leaders seek to control what comes out of their mouths so that it is never harmful and always helpful.

Timothy learned to control his time.   

Part of Paul’s instruction to Timothy to “avoid godless chatter” and “old wives tales” is a direct challenge for him to use his time well. Here and in other places Paul urged Timothy to be diligent in focusing his time and attention to the things that matter and to avoid distractions. In some cases Paul urged Timothy to “Come quickly” while at other times not to be “hasty” (see 1 Timothy 5:22 and 2 Timothy 4:9). Timothy had to learn to manage his time well. If these instructions were given today we might hear Paul say, “Don’t waste your time on useless conversations and following the latest controversies on social media!” Many leaders allow the tyranny of the urgent to keep them from the most effective use of their time. Serving leaders learn to control their schedule so that they are doing the things that best bring value to those they serve.

For further reflection and discussion:

• Which of these three areas (temper, tongue and time) are most difficult for me to control right now? Reflect on the question below for that area:

*Temper. When have I lost my temper in leadership and how did it impact my influence with others?

*Tongue. In what way do I use my tongue in ways that are not helpful for those I lead? What do I need to do to more fully allow God to help me develop self-control in this area?

*Time. What are my greatest time wasters? What do I need to do to develop greater self-control in this area?

• Reflect on those you lead. How do I encourage them to develop control of themselves that goes far beyond obeying external instructions? Which of these three areas should I be talking about with my key leaders?        
• In addition to the verses we used in this issue, consider the following: 1 Timothy 5:22; 2 Timothy 2:4; 4:2, 9-12, 21. What additional insights do you find from these verses about how Timothy learned self-control?           

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll look at how Timothy became a role model to others.

When we are angry, we usually open our mouths! And what comes out is not usually very loving, especially when we have been deeply hurt. Paul challenges us to speak “the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). This is a difficult challenge when we are angry. But Paul goes on to make it very clear that love “is not easily angered” (1 Corinthians 13:5). When I am angered easily, it indicates that I’m not practicing love, no matter what I say with my mouth!

Imagine that a close friend betrays your confidence. You shared a personal prayer request and later discovered that your friend had told others! What will you say? Servant leaders learn from Paul to speak truth but without being easily angered.

Speaking the truth without anger requires balance.

When you see your friend, you might explode and say loudly, “I can’t believe you told others what I shared with you; that was so wrong. I’ll never talk to you again!” Did you speak the truth? Yes, but with a lot of anger!

Or you might be so angry at your friend that you decide never to trust them again but choose not to speak about what happened. So, you keep quiet and fail to speak the truth!

Paul calls us to balance truth and love. We should speak the truth but not with anger. We cannot ignore what happened, but we should only speak when we are not consumed with anger. We may need to acknowledge our anger but find a way to speak with gentleness. Perhaps you can say, “What you did really hurt me, and I was very angry about it. God helped me to forgive you, but I would like to talk about what happened so that it does not destroy our friendship.” This is truth spoken with love!

Speaking the truth without anger reveals maturity.

How easily am I angered? That’s a test of my maturity. Immature leaders quickly become angry. If I am quick to become angry, I need the Spirit to keep working in me to produce patience and gentleness in my heart. Then I need to think about what I say when I’m angry. Being able to balance truth and gentleness is also a test of maturity. It is much easier to explode in anger than to speak the truth gently in love!

To speak with love and without anger when we have been hurt is a sign of maturity which often takes a long time. That’s why Paul says that as we learn to speak the truth in love we will, “grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15).

Servant leaders learn that sometimes the best thing to do is to stop and let God help them control their anger before they say anything. But then, when their anger is controlled, they seek courage from God to address the issue truthfully in the right spirit. Mature servant leaders are able to speak truth without being easily angered.

Speaking the truth without anger reflects Jesus.

Jesus’ life shows us that it is not always wrong to be angry. He was angry when others were mistreated, when His Father’s house was misused and when peoples’ hearts were stubborn. But he was not ‘easily angered’ and did not react to personal insults or betrayal.

Even when Jesus knew that Peter would betray Him, He calmly spoke the truth with no hint of anger. Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me” (Luke 22:34).Later, after Peter denied Him,Jesus simply looked at Peter. We don’t know what Jesus ‘said’ with His eyes but it must not have been a look of anger since His look caused the bold Peter to weep tears of grief and repentance. (See Luke 22:61).

Jesus spoke truth without being easily angered and He calls all servant leaders to follow His example.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency, to speak “truth” with anger or to keep quiet when I’m angry and avoid the truth? What is the result in my leadership? 
• When have I spoken truth, but with anger? What was the result in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke? Do I need to ask forgiveness of that person?
• What times in Jesus’ life and ministry reveal that Jesus was not “easily angered”? How would I have responded to these situations?
• Look at the following passages in which Jesus was angry or spoke very strong words: Mark 3:1-5; Matthew 23:1-4; John 2:13-22. Reflect on what happened in these situations. What can we learn about the things He was angry about? How did He speak truth in these situations? What can we learn from His example?
• Reflect on what James teaches about anger in James 1:19-20, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” What does this teach us about speaking the truth without being easily angered?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019.

Paul next turns his attention to a heart issue of great importance to all leaders, “not violent but gentle.” (1Tim 3:3) In that short phrase, Paul radically redefines what it means to lead. Most cultures honor military heroes, warriors who destroy all opposition by force and we honor those who push their way to victory. Our national heroes ride gallant horses or fighter jets. They have power and use it violently to accomplish their objectives. Not many heroes are characterized by gentleness, but Paul calls each of us to lead, not with violence, but gentleness. What does it mean for us to lead in this way?

Gentle leaders surrender their own agenda.

All leaders have a cause that gives them energy to move forward. Sadly, for most leaders, the cause is their own. They lead to accomplish their own agendas, and build their own kingdom. They are filled with desire to see their vision accomplished and use their power in any way possible to see it come to pass. No price is too great for their vision; they are determined to leave their mark on the world. Unfortunately, the mark has often been made with pain, division, blood and tears as leaders violently pursue their selfish agenda. Christian leaders can quickly add a thin veneer of spirituality to their goals but at the root, it is about their desires, not God’s. Paul calls leaders to surrender their own agenda, yielding their leadership to God’s agenda and to replace a violent, pushy spirit with gentleness. This requires a deep brokenness to the plan of God and a recognition that all power comes from Him and is to be used for His purposes. There is no shortcut to this kind of brokenness as it demands a surrender of our own will to the Lordship of Jesus. Then, and only then, can a leader confidently, but gently, lead others to fulfill God’s plans.

Gentle leaders influence from below.

At first glance, it would seem that gentle leaders don’t have a chance to make it in our competitive world. Jesus words, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5) seem impossible for the 21st century. Leaders who exert power and use force seem to have more influence. But Paul recognizes that as servant leaders reject violence, they are in a position to influence from below. Their gentle spirits reflect a quiet strength of character that over time allows them to influence others in greater and more transformative ways than those who use their positions and power to influence others. Martin L. King, Mahatma Gandhi, and Nelson Mandela are recent examples of the way leadership can be exerted without positions and without violence.

Gentle leaders fight only for others.

Servant leaders are not weak leaders but they use their positions and influence to fight for others rather than themselves. They use their influence to fight for righteousness and justice. They champion the cause of the person with no voice and no influence. This is selfless leadership and gentle strength.

Moses is a biblical example of a gentle leader. In his youth he tried to accomplish God’s plan through violence, but he later learned what it meant to lead with gentleness. He gently led through the rebellion of Korah, a test which would have caused many of us to use our power with force. He cried out to God for the sake of even those who troubled him and earned the title of the meekest man on the earth. (See Numbers 12:3) Take a moment to reflect on what most characterizes your leadership, violence or gentleness.

For further reflection and discussion:

• Is my leadership about myself or God? (Don’t answer this too quickly!) Has there been a turning point in my leadership journey where I consciously surrendered my agenda to God’s agenda?
• Would others describe my leadership as pushy or gentle? In what ways has this been evident in my leadership in the past week?
• When is the last time I used my influence to fight for someone without a voice?