Timothy, like all of us, became a leader with all his life experiences, memories and circumstances. While many of these were good and beneficial; others were not helpful and could have been hinderances to his ability to lead. Metaphorically we can refer to unresolved issues, disappointments, wrongs, and trauma from the past as “baggage”, a heavy load that weighs us down. Timothy had to leave some of his own baggage behind to become an effective serving leader. Consider these verses which we will examine to discover what could have been baggage for Timothy and how he left it behind:

Paul came to Derbe and then to Lystra, where a disciple named Timothy lived, whose mother was Jewish and a believer but whose father was a Greek (Acts 16:1, NIV).

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12).

When Timothy comes, see to it that he has nothing to fear while he is with you, for he is carrying on the work of the Lord, just as I am (1 Corinthians 16:10).

Timothy released the baggage of family.

Timothy came from a culturally, religiously, and ethnically mixed family line, his mother was Jewish and a Christian while his father was Greek and not a believer. Timothy could have struggled with his ethnic identity and felt unworthy to work among Jews and side by side with Paul, a full-blooded Jew. At the same time the Gentiles might see him as an outsider! Yet Timothy left this behind and became an effective leader with Paul and to the Gentiles he was called to lead. Family history and heritage can become baggage for everyone, either leading to inferiority or pride. Family systems can shape the way we respond to conflict and how we deal with emotions, etc. Many leaders are unaware of the baggage they carry from their family of origin. Serving leaders learn to identify and acknowledge where they came from and work through issues that need resolution so they can lead others in a healthy way.   

Timothy released the baggage of age.  

Paul had to remind Timothy that even though he was young, he could be an example and lead well.  Timothy was young and had to overcome the mental challenge of leading people who were older than he was. They would naturally have looked down on him and if he allowed himself to dwell on his youthfulness and inexperience he would have become insecure in his leadership. Some leaders may allow their young age to keep them from growing and leading well. Others may be middle aged and look back with longing to days that they had more energy and youthfulness. Those who are older may be tempted to relax and not continue growing in their leadership capacity or to be proud of their accomplishments. No one can change their age but serving leaders release the emotional baggage of focusing on how old they are and choose to focus on serving others in the present.

Timothy released the baggage of personality.

Paul instructed those where Timothy would visit to see that he had “nothing to fear” with them or to “put him at ease” (ESV). In other places he admonishes Timothy to not have a spirit of fear. These seem to indicate that by nature Timothy had a fearful and perhaps introverted personality. His personality could have kept him from being an effective leader, but Timothy learned to move past that and to lead well. While Timothy’s personality could have led him to be more timid than he should have been, other personalities will be more naturally overbearing and stronger than helpful. Some leaders allow their personality to control their leadership but serving leaders work to develop their personality in ways that allow them to best serve the needs of those they lead.  

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is the baggage that comes with my specific family history, my age, and my personality? (Make a list of each). How do these impact my leadership? Which one is most important for me to focus on leaving behind right now?
• Reflect on those you lead. Are some of the challenges I see them facing related to baggage that they carry from their family, age, or personality? What can I do to encourage them to recognize and leave behind their own baggage? Would they consider reading this reflection and having a discussion with me about it?       
• In addition to the verses we used in this issue, consider the following: 1 Timothy 5:23 and 2 Timothy 2:22. What additional insights do you find from these verses about how Timothy might have carried additional baggage in his leadership?               

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll examine how Timothy learned self-control. Note: In this series we are looking at the life of Timothy. It’s a great time to read through the two books in the Bible with his name, written to him by Paul. As you read, reflect on what Timothy did to grow as a leader and how his actions apply to your own growth.

We already observed that Boaz was a man of standing. Who he was on the inside influenced all we can see on the outside. In the remaining issues of this series we will look more closely at five actions of serving that illustrate his heart and character. First, we’ll look closely at how Boaz treated others.  

We often judge a leader by his/her accomplishments. What did they do? What goals were reached? What actions were taken? These are valid questions, but Boaz calls serving leaders to use different standards for measurement. Let’s look more closely at how Boaz treated several groups of people and what serving leaders can learn from his example.  

Serving leaders treat their workers well. 

 ⁴ Just then Boaz arrived from Bethlehem and greeted the harvesters, “The Lord be with you!” “The Lord bless you!” they answered (Ruth 2:4, NIV). These are the first words we hear from Boaz, words of greeting. His first words were of blessing and affirmation, showing his respect and relationship with them. He was the boss, the owner, the employer, the founder of the enterprise. But Boaz didn’t check their production level before he connected with their hearts. And their response showed that the respect was mutual. Many workers look away when the boss appears, fearing his reprimand or disapproval. Boaz teaches serving leaders that treating workers well is the best approach to relationships. Treating people well will also lead to better production! But serving leaders treat their workers well, not because of any anticipated results, but because it is the right thing to do!  

Serving leaders treat strangers well. 

⁵ Boaz asked the overseer of his harvesters, “Who does that young woman belong to?” ⁶ The overseer replied, “She is the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi.  ⁸ So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me. ⁹ Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.” (Ruth 2:5-6, 8-9). At this point in the story Ruth is a stranger to Boaz, a person he has never met. Some leaders would ignore the stranger. Others might make sure the stranger is removed from the property. But Boaz takes time to find out who she is and then promptly finds a way to serve her! He does not seek to bring her into his team to accomplish his goals; he finds a way to help her meet her goals. Serving leaders see strangers as new opportunities to serve!  

Serving leaders treat their family well. 

Near the end of the story of Ruth we get a glimpse of how Boaz interacted with his extended family. ¹ Meanwhile Boaz went up to the town gate and sat down there just as the guardian-redeemer he had mentioned came along. Boaz said, “Come over here, my friend, and sit down.” So he went over and sat down (Ruth 4:1).  

In many ways, this relative was a competitor. As the guardian-redeemer he had first claim over the land of Naomi and the widow Ruth whom Boaz now wanted to marry. But Boaz calls him “my friend….” They have an amicable discussion which ends in Boaz being blessed to marry Ruth. Boaz serves his family well by avoiding a division of relationships. He balances his own interests with those of his family and everyone leaves on friendly terms. Serving leaders treat their families well honoring the relationships above their own interests.  

For further reflection and discussion: 

• Skim the four chapters of Ruth looking for other indications of how Boaz treated people. What do you observe? In what way can you learn from his example?  
• What happens in my leadership space when I arrive? Do people welcome my presence or look away? How can I focus on those I lead as people rather than objects to accomplish my vision?  
• How do I tend to view strangers? Do I see them as distractions? As potential helpers for me? Or, do I see them as new opportunities to serve? What stranger have I met in the last week and what might God invite me to do to serve them?  
• Read again the account of how Boaz, a single man, interacted with his extended family in Ruth 4:1-12. What more do you learn from his example?  Why might it have been hard for Boaz who was eager to get married to treat his potential rival respectfully? Who in my family do I struggle to serve? What can I do this week to honor them?  

Until next time, yours on the journey, 

Jon Byler 

In the next issue, we’ll examine how Boaz served by honoring the weak.  

The story of Joseph’s life in the final 14 chapters of Genesis gives us more details than almost any other biblical figure. Joseph was certainly not perfect but his story is one of very few that contains no major character flaws or failures. All of us can learn many lessons from his life about work, temptation, perseverance, faith, patience and forgiveness. In this series we will focus on what we can learn from the dreams that are a central part of his story. His own dream is the central focus but the dreams of the butler, baker, and finally the dream of Pharaoh are also key parts of his story. A dream is a vision for the future and all servant leaders learn from Joseph’s story how dreams grow and develop over time. Let’s look first at the birth of Joseph, the dreamer. Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, "God has taken away my disgrace." She named him Joseph, and said, "May the LORD add to me another son." (Genesis 30:22-24). The account of Joseph’s birth provides the background for the dreams that he would later have as a young man.

Dreamers are birthed with a background.

Joseph was born into a specific family context. He was the 11th son of his father Jacob, born to Rachel, the most loved of Jacob’s two wives. His name meant “may he add.” This was his identity from birth and the background of the dreams God would give him. There is never a dream without a dreamer and every dreamer comes from a different place. Joseph’s dream involved his family and was birthed in the context of who he was. Like Joseph, each of us has a unique family, cultural, economic and religious background. God creates us all with a unique capacity to dream. But sadly, many people never have a dream. Joseph’s 11 brothers never had a dream. Physical birth does not always produce a dreamer! But all leadership begins with a dream and every servant leader begins their journey with a unique background.

Dreamers are shaped by their background.

Joseph’s background was not very nice! It is hard to imagine a family background that is worse than Joseph’s. His family history includes jealousy, treachery, deception, cheating, scheming, divination, superstition, incest, idol worship, polygamy, prostitution, and murderers! His mother died when he was a young boy, so he experienced the pain of a deep loss. All these elements shaped the dream that God gave to Joseph. Servant leaders do not ignore their background; they recognize the impact that their family has on who they are and the way they lead. Their dream or vision may sometimes be unconsciously linked to their background. At other times they may be aware of the connection. But servant leaders accept their background as a gift from God and allow it to shape their dream.

Dreamers are released from their background.

Joseph’s family background made the living out of his dream much more difficult, but he was able to rise up and become the leader of a great nation. One of the most powerful leadership lessons from the life of Joseph is that his background did not keep him from fulfilling his God-given dream. His name became the prominent one in his family although he was nearly the youngest. Servant leaders can learn from Joseph’s story that their background does not need to limit their vision. They allow God to place in their hearts dreams that may seem ridiculous when examined by their family. God uses who we are and where we come from to shape the dream; but He never limits the dream to our background. Servant leaders dream beyond their background.

For further reflection and discussion:

• Reflect on your personal background. In what way has your life and leadership been impacted by your family? Your siblings? Your parents? Your name? Your nationality?
• Are you a dreamer? If not, why not? If so, what is your vision for your life and leadership? How does your background shape this vision?
• Have you been released to dream beyond your background? If not, what can you learn from Joseph’s life that can help you? Are there steps you need to take to be set free from your past? Who can help you move past your past?

David’s life is in so many ways, an example of a great leader. He was successful in national building and expansion. He united the kingdom and established Jerusalem as capital city and a focal point of worship and commerce for the nation. But the final chapters of his life paint a sad picture of the difficulty of leading at home, an area of vulnerability for many leaders. In 2 Samuel 13-20 we read the account of David’ son Amnon raping Tamar, then the murder of Amnon by another son, Absalom. For several years David grieves the loss of Amnon and is estranged from Absalom. When Absalom returns to Jerusalem, he leads an uprising against David, secretly recruiting some of his top officials and openly sleeping with David’s concubines as David flees the capital in disgrace. Absalom’s rebellion nearly cost David the kingdom and did cost him the painful death of a third son. Later, another son, Adonijah, also attempts to seize power. In public David seems to excel but at home his leadership is disastrous. All servant leaders should ponder David’s life and reflect on several leadership principles.

Leading at home is more difficult than public leadership.

David was a successful warrior and reproduced that in his public leadership. He faced the giant and won. He built a team around him at the palace. But David’s life reveals that while it is relatively easy to look good at the office or in front of people; it is much more difficult to lead well at home. Leading at home is more emotionally demanding than public leadership. At home, people know us more intimately. We love them more deeply and their successes and failures bring much greater joy or pain to our souls. At home, there is much less applause that strokes our ego. There are fewer short term wins and the process of change seems to be infinitely slow. So David, like many leaders, took the easier path and focused on being the leader of the nation instead of the head of his family. He built his team well in the office. His 30 mighty men and officials knew their tasks and were doing their job. At home, his sons had nothing to do! They had servants and plenty of time on their hands while their father was winning wars instead of training them to be warriors.

Leading at home is more descriptive of who we are than public leadership.

Because leading at home is more difficult than in public, it more fully represents who we really are. David was certainly a man after God’s own heart and a great warrior. But he was also a broken and flawed leader, as we all are. His personal weaknesses were more reflected in his sons than his leadership team. His own moral failure in sexual temptation led to disastrous consequences in his son’s lives. Leading at home pushes us further as leaders because the applause is diminished and the timetable for results is longer. It is easy to forget about setting goals at home and lose sight of the mission. The best representation of our leadership is not on our professional resume; rather, in the lives of our children.

Leading at home more is more determinative of our legacy than public leadership.

The city David built would be captured; the nation he shaped would split into two; but the sons he raised would carry his legacy to the birth of Christ. We often forget that most of our public achievements will be forgotten soon after we are gone, but the family we lead will continue. Leaving a legacy at home requires focus, attention, and strong leadership.

In the matter of leadership at home, I write as much to myself as you, sobered anew with the ease at which family can become my second priority. Let’s learn together from David and run home to lead.

For further reflection and discussion:

• Read the 7 chapters (2 Samuel 13-20) slowly and thoughtfully. What do you learn from David’s life about his leadership at home? What is God speaking to you personally about your own family?
• When you think about your leadership in your profession/vocation, do you think strategically and set goals? Do you do the same at home? Why or why not?
• Are there sins in your heart or character that will be passed on to your children? What needs to change?
• What is the relationship between parental responsibility to lead well and the choices made by children?

Paul has already listed 11 challenging items for Timothy to consider when looking at the quality of leaders. He is near to the end of his list and shifts his attention to something obviously close to his heart. “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)” (1 Timothy 3:4-5). Paul feels so strongly about the leader’s family life that he doesn’t just list the quality but provides an explanation of why it is so critical. Servant leaders recognize that their leadership in the public sphere is connected to their leadership at home.

The leader’s family is preparation for other leadership.

Paul recognizes that servant leadership is homegrown. It happens first in the close, daily relationships of family life. Both men and women learn to lead by first influencing those who are closest to them. Leading in the family prepares a leader to lead others. We learn what sacrificial and unconditional love is as we share life together in our homes. Parenting children allows us to develop the Father heart of God towards others. At home we are all most likely to allow sinful expressions of selfishness and pride to emerge. Servant leaders allow God to use these experiences to prepare them to lead others.

The leader’s family is a predictor of other leadership.

Paul implies that the way a leader functions at home is the best indicator of how he or she will function in other leadership roles. His simple statement offers an alternative to expensive personality tests designed to determine if someone will succeed as a leader. Paul’s principle is that if a leader rules with an iron hand at home, it is likely that the same will be true at the office. If a leader learns to serve and deny self at home, it will come naturally in other leadership roles. If a leader puts career ahead of family, he will call others to likewise give their best to an organization instead of family. Servant leaders are first identified at home.

Family leadership is a prerequisite for other leadership.

Paul speaks to church leaders and notes that if a leader cannot manage his own family, he cannot care for people at church. Faithful leadership at home is a requirement for successful leadership at work, in the community, at church or in a business. Tragically, many of us pay more attention to developing our leadership at work than at home. We measure our leadership success by how quickly we move up organizational ladders. Paul calls us to reexamine our priorities. Servant leaders make their leadership at home a priority.

Paul’s standard may seem unrealistically high and too narrow for modern society. Paul’s strong words about our families do not imply that if a child rebels we are quickly disqualified for leadership. But his concern about our leadership at home should cause each of us to pause and take a closer look at what is happening in our leadership at home.

The Bible is filled with examples of leaders who succeeded and failed at home. David is perhaps the clearest example of a leader who seemed to succeed at every endeavor except at home. He passionately loved and worshipped God and lead with a great heart and excellent leadership skills (Ps. 78:72). But his poor leadership at home tarnished his otherwise great record. His own moral failures began with Bathsheba and he lost one child through that tragedy. He allowed the rape of his daughter to go unchecked and as a result reaped the rebellion and death of his son Absalom, and the near loss of the kingdom.

Take a moment to reflect on the way you lead at home by answering the questions below.

For further reflection and discussion:

• In what ways has your leadership at home shaped the way you lead others? What leadership lessons have been most significant for you to learn at home?
• How would my family describe my leadership? Would they use words like loving, compassionate and strong or words like harsh, judgmental, and self-serving?
• Think of a recent, difficult situation at home. How did you lead your family through this situation? Did you express servant leadership or selfish leadership in this situation?
• What have you done recently to strengthen your leadership at home? Are you reading books, attending seminars, or talking with a mentor to improve your leadership at home?

As we enter 2012 I've been reflecting on why New Year's Day is a significant event around the world. While we know that nothing really changes from December 31st to January 1st, the mental change is profound and results in massive celebrations in every time zone. I conclude that New Year’s is significant because we all desire a fresh start, a new beginning. A new year offers hope for a better life and future. It offers a way to release the frustrations and failures of the previous year and begin with a clean record. It’s like a fresh beginning and it feels wonderful! It is God’s way of giving us a gift of grace to begin again. What does this mean for us as servant leaders?

Servant leaders receive God's grace.

Paul, a dynamic servant leader, saw himself as a recipient of God's grace. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them– yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me” (1 Corinthians 15:10). His life and leadership were reflections of God's grace, not his own effort. With this perspective he was able to forget the past and focus on the future (Philippians 3:13-14). Paul daily enjoyed a New Year's perspective!

Servant leaders learn to accept ourselves simply as recipients of His grace. We no longer have to strive for acceptance. Our worth is not determined by our performance, past or future. Servant leaders learn to forgive themselves and receive His grace.

As New Year's Eve party goers rejoice in the coming of the new year, servant leaders should daily marvel at the gift of His grace.

Servant leaders extend grace.

Receiving God's grace is a wonderful gift and I hope that it is already a powerful reality in your life. But servant leaders go a step beyond and offer this grace to others, offering them the fresh beginning that God offers to each of us. What does this look like in different areas of our lives?

In our home.

Servant leaders who have received grace from God also extend grace to their spouse and children at home. At least at the beginning of a new year, we should begin again with those we love the most. Tear up the record of offenses committed by your spouse last year! Forgive your teenager for the mistakes of last year. Start again with that adult child or troublesome in-law!

In our vocation.

Think about those that you work with on a daily basis, your coworkers, superiors and/or subordinates. It's time to begin anew with them as well. Don't carry into the new year the grudges or hurts from last year. Even if they don't change, God can work in your heart and give you a brand-new attitude towards them.

In our leadership.

Whether you lead in the business world, church world, or in another profession the people who follow you need grace! Give them a New Year's gift by offering them a fresh start.

For servant leaders, receiving and extending grace should not be an event only at New Year's. However, this is an excellent time to stop for a moment to thank God for His grace and to reflect on how we can best extend His grace to those around us. Have a year filled with grace! Or, as Paul puts it, “The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you.” (1 Corinthians 16:23).

For further reflection and discussion:

• Are there things which happened last year for which I need to ask God's forgiveness and receive His grace and mercy?
• Why is it sometimes difficult to accept God's grace? What is the result when I don’t fully accept His offer of a fresh start?
• Do the members of my household see me as a person of grace? Why or why not? What can I do to extend more grace to them?
• Have I offered those who work with me the gift of grace this New Year? What step can I take today to give them this gift?
• In my leadership, do I give to others the grace to fail?

If you ask me about my leadership I will quickly start talking about the organizations I’ve led, the number of people I’ve trained or the good work I’m doing through my job. But servant leadership doesn’t start on the job, it begins at home. Paul instructed Titus that a leader should be “the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient” (Titus 1:6). Politicians openly assert that what happens in their private lives has no bearing on their effectiveness as leaders but Paul’s guideline makes it clear that for servant leaders what happens at home is critical. Why?

Leadership at home is preparation for public leadership.

Paul expects that before a leader exercises public influence his/her leadership at home with spouse and children should be proven. If you can’t influence those at home in a positive way, don’t try to change the rest of the world! Leadership begins at home. The Indians have a proverb, “First win the home, then win the world.”

At home, in the details of life, we learn to lead. We learn to communicate and share vision, to plan and organize, strategize and execute, equip and build teams, to negotiate and share. More than that, we develop character, the foundation of leadership, at home.

Nowhere is servant leadership more tested than at home. Servant leadership demands a surrender of personal rights and a focus on the needs of the other instead of self. This is difficult in public but nearly impossible at home without God’s help! At home, we take off our nice clothes and relax. As we do so we easily discard our good manners and people skills and begin to treat those closest to us in ways we would never do in public. It is impossible at home to hide who we really are. That’s why learning to be a servant leader at home prepares us for public leadership.

While leadership at home should be proven, this does not imply perfection, or none of us would qualify. Instead, servant leaders learn to apologize and ask forgiveness for their mistakes, first at home and then in public.

Leadership at home is validation for public leadership.

Not only does the home provide a learning environment for servant leadership, it also provides affirmation for our public leadership. Politicians may say that their private lives don’t count, but they make sure that when it is time for pictures, their family is smiling beside them. Why? They know a smiling family sends a powerful message about leadership. It says to the voters, “You can’t go wrong with this leader, look at the happy family!”

Paul recognized this as he challenged leaders 2000 years ago that their leadership at home confirms their ability to lead others. He understood that when a leaders’ family is in order, the leader gains credibility in public. Servant leaders who have learned to lead well at home don’t need to rely on fake smiles; they have genuine support from those who know them best. They stand with confidence and courage. When a sports team plays at home, they possess the ‘home field’ advantage. Servant leaders who have paid the price at home have the ‘home field’ advantage when they enter the public arena.

For further reflection and discussion:

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how would your family rate your leadership?
• Are the families under your leadership growing?
• What do you need to do at home to strengthen your leadership?
• Do you deliberately use your leadership to build families?
• In your business/church/organization, what policies have you implemented that help to strengthen families?