How does Christmas impact your leadership? The coming of Jesus as a baby changes everything and reshapes the way we lead. Theologians describe the coming of Jesus as the incarnation which means that God stepped into human life. He entered our world, our struggles and our experiences. Matthew describes what would happen like this:

²¹ She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

²² All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: ²³ “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”) (Matthew 1:21-23, NIV).

The names given to Mary’s child were significant: Jesus and Immanuel. Jesus means savior and Immanual means “God with us.” At Christmas, God entered our world through Jesus. As He did, He demonstrated what incarnational leadership looks like.

Incarnational leadership enters the world of others.

“God with us.” The astounding reality of the Christmas story is that God left the majestic beauty and glory of heaven to enter our broken world through Jesus. What does this mean for our leadership? Leaders have the choice to live in their own world or to enter into the world of those they serve. Many leaders remain aloof and distant, far above those around them. But serving leaders make a conscious choice to practice incarnational leadership—listening, asking questions, and letting go of status barriers. They seek to understand the world that their followers are living in.  They enter the world of others.

Incarnational leadership walks with others.  

Jesus came to be “God with us.”  He would spend much of His life walking dusty roads with His disciples and many others. He provided the gift of His presence and companionship on the journey of life. It was not always easy or convenient, but He walked with others. Many leaders are too busy being great to have time for others. They are focused on their own journey. But serving leaders take time to walk with others. They leave the office and walk down the hall for a conversation. They come off the stage to mingle with the audience. They take a new employee or new member out for lunch to get to know them.  They walk with others.

Incarnational leadership meets the needs of others. 

The child born at Christmas was named Jesus “because he will save his people from their sins.” Jesus came to meet the greatest need humans have—salvation. Only Jesus saves, but we can reflect His heart by seeing the needs of others, caring about them and responding appropriately.

Many leaders are in positions of authority to have their own needs met. They focus on the goals of the organization and see others as means to accomplish that end. But serving leaders see others as people with genuine needs and concerns. They seek to address those needs. Where there is a need for an encouraging word, they provide it. Where there is a need for correction, they offer it. Where there is a financial need they seek to meet it. They meet the needs of others.

This Christmas your presence may be the best present you can give your followers— incarnational leadership that is “with them.”

For further reflection and discussion:

• Where am I tempted to remain in my own leadership bubble?  What have I done this week to leave that world and enter the world in which those I lead live daily?
• Would my team say I am walking with them, or distant? What steps could I take this week to walk with one person on my team?
• Does your leadership focus primarily on meeting your own needs or of those you serve? What is one need you can meet today for someone on your team?
• What one incarnational act can I offer to someone this week?       

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

All leaders expect those under them to follow, but there is also a sense in which serving leaders follow those under them!  Paul’s exhortation lays the foundation for our reflections.

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1, NIV).

Paul was the leader, actively seeking to shape the faith community at Corinth. But he was also a follower and was shaped by the people he led. Serving leadership is not a one-directional exchange between the leader and the follower. It is a reciprocal relationship in which communication and learning happen in both directions. What are the ways that serving leaders follow those under them?

Serving leaders follow those under them by listening for connection.  

Paul had a personal relationship with the church at Corinth. He had spent time with them, he knew their stories, their hopes and dreams. He had strong connections with them. Some leaders see those under them simply as workers. But serving leaders see those under them as people, not machines or robots doing a task. The people who show up for work or attend the church service have needs, challenges, joys and concerns about their lives. They are unique individuals. Serving leaders want to connect with the heart of those they serve. So, they take time to listen, seeking to understand the people they are leading.  This may be in a formal one on one meeting in which the leader asks questions like, “How are you really doing?” “What brings you the greatest joy in life right now?” “Are there personal goals you have that you would like me to know about?” Or it might be a quick question at the beginning of the day like, “How was your son’s soccer game last night?” Serving leaders listen carefully to learn to know the people they serve so that they can connect with them. They follow by listening for understanding.

Serving leaders follow those under them by asking for feedback.   

Some leaders assume that since they are leading and others are following, everything must be alright! But serving leaders humbly acknowledge that they have blind spots. They are willing to ask for feedback from those they lead. They recognize that the only ones who know what it is like to be led by them are those under their leadership! They also realize that followers are not likely to offer feedback unless they feel it is safe to do so and that it is welcomed. So, serving leaders are willing to ask for feedback either formally or informally. They follow by asking for feedback.

Serving leaders follow those under them by adjusting for impact.   

Some leaders seek to treat everyone in the same way and expect those who follow to adjust to their style of leadership. But serving leaders recognize that they are in a position of authority to serve those who follow so they pay attention to the needs of the followers and adjust their leadership accordingly. They allow the feedback of those who follow to help them become better leaders. Because they listen well, they realize that individuals have different needs. Some need more time to adjust to change than others. Some need grace because of a personal challenge they are facing while others need firmness. Some need the details while others want the big picture. Paul rebuked Peter openly; but quietly wrote letters to Timothy. He adjusted his leadership to meet the needs of those under him. Serving leaders follow those under them by adjusting their leadership style to best serve them.  

Serving leaders follow those above them, those over them, those ahead of them, those around them and those under them. Serving leaders lead well…by following well!

For further reflection and discussion:

• How do I take time to listen to those under my leadership? How well do I know their dreams and their fears? What steps can I take this week to listen more carefully?    
• In what ways do I welcome feedback from those who follow me? How will I respond to the feedback?
• Reflect on the needs of 4 or 5 people who follow you. What are the unique leadership needs of each one? How will I adjust my leadership to meet these needs?  
• Read 1 Corinthians 9:19-23. Reflect on how these verses demonstrate the way that Paul followed well and adapted his leadership to serve those he wanted to reach. What do I learn from Paul’s example that I can apply in my own leadership?  

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

In the next issue, we’ll begin a new series on how Paul lived out the Five Actions of Serving Leadership.  

December 11, 2024

One of the profound mysteries of the Christian faith is that God came to be with us in the person of Jesus! One of the many names of Jesus is Emmanuel which means “God with us.” (See Mt. 1:23). Theologians call this the incarnation which means that in Jesus the divine spirit of God and human flesh were united. John calls Jesus the Word and summarizes it in this way:

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth (John 1:14, NIV).   

The incarnation, when God came to be with us, changes everything! And in the incarnation, Jesus models the way for serving leader to be with those they serve.

Incarnational leaders identify with those they serve.  

“The Word become flesh…” Jesus became one of us so that He could fully understand us. He was born as a helpless child and went through the normal process of growing up. He experienced pain, exhaustion, temptation, hunger, betrayal, etc. so that He would understand what those He served experienced in life. The writer of Hebrews says that Jesus is able to sympathize with our weaknesses because He was tempted as we are. (Hebrews 4:15)

Some leaders rise in power and authority and forget what it was like to be on the other side of leadership. They forget the growing process they went through and the many mistakes they made along the way. They fail to identify with those they serve. But serving leaders see themselves as human and recognize that those they serve are also humans. They call for growth, but they also sympathize with failures. Serving leaders identify with those they serve.  

Incarnational leaders relate with those they serve.   

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” Jesus came to live with us! A paraphrase (The Message) says that Jesus “moved into the neighborhood.” Jesus spent most of His time with the people He came to serve. He ate with them, walked with them, worked with them, laughed with them and cried with them. He built strong relationships with them.  Jesus laid aside His rights and privileges as the King of Kings and related with others in a natural winsome way. He came to be with them, not over them.

Some leaders seek to distance themselves from those they serve. They insist on special privileges and titles that distinguish themselves from followers. But serving leaders follow the example of Jesus. They lay down their rights and bridge the gap between leaders and followers. They do not seek to dominate or dictate but build genuine relationships with the ones they serve. Serving leaders relate with those they serve. 

Incarnational leaders share with those they serve.  

“We have seen his glory….full of grace and truth.” Jesus was incarnational and human but He was also a leader. He had a mission to accomplish and part of that was to reveal His plan to His disciples. He shared with them a different way to live and a different way to lead. He shared truth with them that was perfectly balanced with grace.  

Some leaders share plenty of truth but with very little grace! Others show so much grace they never get around to the truth. Serving leaders share both grace and truth.  

Some leaders start by sharing truth and see their only function as getting people to do what is expected and produce the desired results. But serving leaders follow the example of Jesus. They don’t share truth until they identify with and build relationships with those they serve. From that foundation, they share both truth and grace. Serving leaders share with those they serve. 

For further reflection and discussion:

• Take a moment to identify with one person that you lead. Imagine what life is like for them. What challenges are they facing at home, physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually? What difference will this make in the way you lead them?
• Reflect on the level of your relationship with those you lead, especially those at the lowest level in your organization. Do I enjoy being with them? When is the last time we have eaten together? Do we ever do things together that are not related to my role or because of being in the same organization?  
• Leadership is about being with those you serve. In what ways this season can you be with those you serve? Find ways to give more of your presence which is more precious than presents.     
• Have I shared truth with those I serve before I identified with them and build a relationship with them? What was the result in my leadership?
• Do I most often share more truth or more grace? How does that impact my leadership?
• Consider the following verses and reflect more on what it means to be an incarnational leader from the example of Jesus and instructions of scripture: John 4:6; 8:1-11; 11:35; Hebrews 4:15-16; 5:2; Ephesians 4:15; Philippians 2:1-11, Galatians 6:1-3.  In what way can I more closely reflect Jesus’ incarnational leadership?

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

Leaders make mistakes and those they lead make mistakes! But there are many ways that leaders respond to the mistakes. Their response indicates their own level of security as a leader. The story of Joseph is a model of leadership in many ways. When Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, it was not only a mistake but a terrible wrong done to Joseph. His response to them after he revealed himself to them is remarkable.  

⁵ And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. ⁶ For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. ⁷ But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance (Gen. 45:5-7, NIV).

The response of Joseph to his brothers indicates grace and forgiveness and the deep security he had as a leader. He models the way secure leaders view the mistakes of others.

Secure leaders accept mistakes because they understand their role towards those they serve.

Joseph acknowledges the hand of God in his own life even through the mistakes of his brothers. He sees that “it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” He was secure in understanding God’s plan for his own life and understood that the mistakes of others would not change who he was or what God wanted to do with his life. His role was given by God and was not for his own benefit, but to serve others.

Insecure leaders see mistakes of others as directly impacting their role and their value. When mistakes happen, they react based on how they perceive it will impact them. But secure leaders act out of the confidence they have in God’s control and realize that the mistakes of others do not raise or lower their call to lead.

Secure leaders accept mistakes because they care about the emotions of those they serve.  

Joseph knew his brothers would struggle with feelings of guilt and be angry at themselves. So he tells them, “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here.” He was secure enough to think of how they felt, not simply about his own emotions. Joseph was emotionally healthy. He had worked through his own deep emotions and was now able to care for others.

Insecure leaders think only of their own emotions. When mistakes are made, they may react in anger, disgust, or contempt. They reflect on how the mistake of another impacts their own image. But secure leaders can focus on the emotions of the person who made the mistake and care about what they feel.

Secure leaders accept mistakes because they want the best for those they serve.

“But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.”  Joseph was able to focus on his brothers and how their mistake would help provide for their own needs, not his own. He was in his position to serve others and meet their needs, not his own.  

Insecure leaders evaluate mistakes by how it will impact their own role or position.  But secure leaders are focused on what is best for those they serve and accept mistakes as an opportunity to serve. If the person who made a mistake needs encouragement, they encourage. If they need coaching, they provide it. If the person needs to experience a consequence for their mistake, they also provide that, but not from anger or a desire for revenge but out of a heart to serve. Secure leaders want the best for others.

For further reflection and discussion:  

• How have I led myself in regard to my own mistakes? Have I grown to the point that I accept my own mistakes as a part of my journey or do I expect perfection from myself? How does this impact my response when others make mistakes?
• When someone I lead makes a mistake, do I evaluate that based on how it impacts me, or how it impacts the person who made the mistake? What impact do the mistakes of others have on how I view myself and my role?
• When someone under my leadership makes a mistake, is my default response to focus on my own emotions or the emotions of the person who made the mistake? How does that impact my leadership?
• When someone I lead makes a mistake do I focus more in response on what I need or on what they need? How does this impact my leadership?           

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler In the next issue, we’ll look at how secure leaders develop others.

Speaking the truth kindly requires balance. Truth and kindness are both important and need to be balanced. Some leaders may be so concerned about kindness that they are afraid to speak the truth. This “kindness” damages the relationship because the truth is not revealed. But truth spoken harshly will also damage the relationship!

For example, if a worship leader prepares well but did not choose good songs, the pastor may say, “Those songs were terrible!” Is this the truth? Yes, but it was not spoken kindly! But if the pastor only says “You really prepared well,” it may be kind, but the truth that the worship leader needs to hear is not spoken. Both are needed.

The leader could speak truth kindly, “Thank you for leading the worship. I can tell that you prepared very well. However, I don’t think the songs were the best for our people. Let’s talk more about how to select good songs.” Servant leaders learn to balance truth with kindness.

Speaking the truth kindly reveals maturity. Some leaders speak truth with little care about the impact their message will have on the person who listens. They just want the truth to be known! They don’t stop to think about how the other person will receive their message.

Mature servant leaders think before they speak! They ask themselves, “What impact will the truth have on this person? What would I feel if I were in their place? How can I speak this truth as kindly as possible?” This is not easy and does not come naturally to most leaders, but kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. As leaders mature, God helps them to speak truth with kindness.

Speaking the truth kindly reflects Jesus. Jesus was able to speak truth in a kind way.

¹³People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁵Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” ¹⁶And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them (Mark 10:13-16).

The disciples were rebuking children, sending them away from Jesus. They were not even attempting to be kind! Jesus was not happy when he saw them—he was “indignant” or angry with the disciples!

Many leaders speak harsh words very quickly when they feel angry. In this situation they might say to the disciples, “What do you think you are doing? I didn’t tell you to turn them away, you’re wrong. Stop rebuking those parents!” This is all true, but not kind! The disciples were wrong in rebuking the parents who brought their children to Jesus. And they needed to know the truth!

Jesus spoke the truth but did it kindly even when he was angry. He spoke so carefully that He had children in His arms as He spoke the truth. He corrected the disciples but didn’t embarrass them publicly for their mistake. He treated the disciples and the children with kindness. The disciples heard and saw the truth expressed so kindly that they never forgot the lesson.

Servant leaders make an impact by speaking the truth kindly. They carefully consider the impact their words will have on the other and use kindness to allow the truth to penetrate as deeply as possible.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

For further reflection and discussion:

• What is my natural tendency: to speak “truth” or to be “kind”? What is the result in my leadership?
• When have I spoken truth, but not with kindness? What results did I see in my own life and in the life of the person to whom I spoke? How could I have spoken the truth in that situation with kindness? Do I need to apologize to that person?
• Can I think of another time when Jesus spoke kindly? What can I learn from His example?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2019. 

³³ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴ “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. ³⁵ Jesus wept. ³⁶ Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” ³⁷ But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” (John 11:33-37).

Jesus was a perfect leader and He was a leader with emotions. This story gives only a glimpse of His emotions but will provide a framework to understand how emotions should correctly shape our leadership.

Emotions should be recognized. Jesus didn’t deny His emotions, He acknowledged them. He was “deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” Something was happening deeply inside of Him and He recognized it. Jesus knew that to be human was to experience emotion since humans are made in the image of God.

Many leaders, like myself, struggle to recognize what they are feeling. Ask a leader for his/her thoughts and the response will be immediate. But ask about his/her feelings and you might get an awkward silence! Servant leaders learn to recognize their emotions. They are in touch with what is going on inside of their hearts.*

Emotions should be revealed. “Jesus wept.” This shortest verse in the Bible speaks volumes about Jesus as a leader. Jesus revealed his sorrow and pain in the presence of those gathered to mourn the death of Lazarus. In many cultures men are trained not to express emotions. In other cultures the expression of some emotions are acceptable for leaders, but other emotions are not. Family systems can have unspoken rules about how emotions can or cannot be expressed. My own family did not encourage the expression of ‘negative’ emotions so for many years I did not want to acknowledge anger.

But servant leaders learn to reveal their emotions in appropriate ways. Sometimes this will be in public as Jesus demonstrated. But at other times, they may reveal their emotions to a close friend or simply to God. Servant leaders learn to express, not suppress, their emotions.

Emotions should be restrained. Jesus recognized His emotions and He was not afraid to reveal them to everyone. But He was not controlled by His sorrow! He continued to do the work He was called to do, raising Lazarus from the dead.

Servant leaders recognize and appropriately reveal their emotions, but they are not governed by them. They learn to lead with emotions, not by emotions. They recognize the difference between having emotion and being emotional. They ask God for the “self-control” that is a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22) and restrain their emotions as needed.

Jesus led with emotion and we can also learn to lead with emotion. In the following issues we’ll examine different emotions every leader will experience by looking at how David led with emotion. He expressed in the Psalms the range of emotions that we all experience.

Until next time, yours on the journey,

Jon Byler

*A tool that has helped me to recognize what I am feeling is the “Feeling Wheel” developed by Dr. Gloria Willcox. Click here to download.

For further reflection and discussion:

• What has been my perspective on emotions as a leader? How is my perspective shaped by my culture? By my personality? By the family systems in which I grew up? How has this perspective impacted my leadership either positively or negatively?
• On a scale of 1-10, how aware am I of the emotions I experience on a daily basis? How does this impact my leadership? How can I can grow in my awareness of how I am feeling?
• What does it mean for me to express my emotions appropriately? Are there times I have expressed my emotions inappropriately? What did that do to my relationships with those I lead?
• To what extent is my leadership controlled by my emotions? Is there a time in the last week that I responded to a leadership issue based on my feelings instead of what was needed by those I serve?

Copyright, Global Disciples 2018.