Encouragement is always needed and usually greatly appreciated. But servant leaders also recognize that there is a time to confront. One of the best-known confrontations in scripture happened when God called the prophet Nathan to confront King David who had committed adultery and murder. Nathan first tells the king a story of a rich man who took advantage of a poor man and David instinctively reacted with anger towards the wicked action. Nathan responds “You are the man! Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.' Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, the son born to you will die" (2 Samuel 12:7-15, portions). Most of us will never need to confront a king, but Nathan’s example shows all servant leaders how to confront an employee, friend, or colleague.

When it’s time to confront do it carefully.

Nathan’s confrontation shows a lot of care. First, there was a clear wrong. In this case, God revealed to Nathan the wrong. Servant leaders choose the time to confront carefully making sure that there is an obvious wrong that needs correction. This may be a moral issue as it was with King David or it may be a wrong attitude or action. Secondly, Nathan’s use of a story showed that he had thought carefully about what to say to King David. His confrontation was not an impulsive reaction to a wrong. It was carefully planned to provide the best chance of success. No one enjoys being confronted. Servant leaders recognize that it is time to confront when there is a clear wrong. They confront as carefully as possible with a genuine desire to serve the one being confronted.

When it’s time to confront do it courageously.

Confronting a king was a quick way to hasten your own funeral! God’s command likely helped Nathan have courage, but I suspect that he knocked on the door with some degree of fear. Still, he confronted courageously. Many leaders realize that confrontation is needed but they don’t have the courage to act. They may fear the loss of the relationship or an inappropriate response. They may wait, hoping that the issue will be resolved without confrontation. But when it’s time to confront, servant leaders act courageously. They recognize that failure to act courageously never helps the other. Their love for the person who needs correction and their understanding of the reason God called them to leadership overcomes their fear.

When it’s time to confront do it constructively.

Nathan’s purpose in the confrontation was to bring King David to repentance. Thankfully, David did respond with a repentant heart although there were still enormous consequences to his sin. Nathan’s only purpose for confrontation was to help David. Servant leaders do not confront out of anger or a desire for revenge. They don’t confront to embarrass or shame. They know it’s time to confront when it will help the other person grow and develop. Their purpose is constructive and they serve by confronting.

Confrontation may be one of the most difficult and painful tasks of leadership. But servant leaders follow Nathan’s example and serve by confronting. When it’s time for you to confront, do it carefully, do it courageously, and do it constructively.

For further reflection and discussion:

• Reflect on the following scriptures which relate to confrontation. (2 Chronicles 26:16-19; Matthew 18:15-17; Galatians 2:11-14; 6:1; 1 Corinthians 5:1-5) Write down what you learn from these examples and instructions.
• What is my natural tendency when it comes to confrontation? Do I do it without careful thought? Do I have the courage to do it whenever needed? Do I do it for the good of that person?
• Reflect on a recent time you confronted someone, or when you should have. What did I do well? What could have been done better? How well did I follow the principles demonstrated by Nathan?
• Are there any relationships or situations currently which need confrontation? What is my plan of action?

The humility of John the Baptist didn’t mean that he was quiet! Instead, he was able to boldly confront wrong. It didn’t matter if he was talking to kings, religious leaders, soldiers or farmers. He spoke the truth with power and confronted wrong. But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not think you can say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire (Matthew 3:7-10). These are pretty strong words! John had obviously not read the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People!” What allowed him to confront so boldly? And what can servant leaders learn from John about bold confrontation?

Boldness in confrontation comes from having nothing to hide.

John called the crowds to “produce fruit in keeping with repentance.” This was a bold call for the listeners to repent and live a different kind of life. John could do this because he had nothing to hide. He had lived a life of personal integrity; he could now call others to change. Leaders who carry even small amounts of guilt or unconfessed sin cannot boldly call others to change. Even if others don’t know about their sin, their own conscience reminds them of their hypocrisy, and their strength to confront is weakened. Servant leaders understand that bold confrontation requires personal integrity.

Boldness in confrontation comes from having nothing to fear.

John was able to confront boldly because he was not afraid of his audience. He called them a “brood of vipers”! Later he also confronted King Herod for a sinful relationship. That confrontation would cost John his life. If John was fearful about his own safety and comfort he would not have been able to confront in this way. But he was not afraid of people so was able to speak the truth boldly. Many leaders are afraid to speak the truth because they are afraid of the response of others. They worry about how the message will be received. Servant leaders carefully consider the impact of their words on their audience. But they are not controlled by fear of the response. This lack of fear should not be confused with lack of wisdom. Saying whatever comes to mind is not a sign of a servant leader! Bold confrontation does not give leaders permission to speak rudely or without respect. Neither does it encourage speech that is hateful or full of contempt for the audience. If the confrontation of a leader is spoken with anger or pride the confrontation is not like John’s. Servant leaders use wisdom but understand that bold confrontation requires freedom from fear.

Boldness in confrontation comes from having nothing to gain.

If John’s goal was to attract more followers, he used the wrong message! In fact, his message seemed designed to reduce the number of those who followed him! He said, “I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham” implying that these people could be replaced. John did not allow the potential results to keep him from speaking the truth. Bold confrontation requires no conflict of interest in results. Leaders who seek only results usually see poor results. This does not imply that results are not significant. But servant leaders determine to speak the truth no matter what it costs. Their motive is not the best results but love for the people they serve. This love compels them to speak “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) no matter if they will gain or lose. Servant leaders understand that bold confrontation requires no self interest in the results.

Lead with humility, but when needed, boldly confront like John the Baptist.

For further reflection and discussion:

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how well do I do at bold confrontation? What evidence of this have I seen in my leadership in the past month? What could I have done differently?
• Do I have the personal integrity that it takes to boldly call others to change? If not, what is God inviting me to change?
• Are there areas in my life that I fear the response of others so much that I am afraid to speak the truth? Do I find myself asking these questions: What will they say? What will they think? What will they do? If so, what does this say about my heart?
• Have any of my confrontations been motived primarily by my desire to gain? (This could be financial gain, increasing the number of followers, increasing my own status or position, etc.)
• Reflect on the difference between bold confrontation and speaking without respect for the audience. What is the distinction? Which do I tend to do most often?

David’s repentance recorded in Psalm 51 is a beautiful picture of a leader who is truly remorseful for his sin. But his repentance happened when, “The LORD sent Nathan to David” (2 Samuel 12:1). David was a king, a mighty warrior, and a successful leader in so many ways, but at this point in his leadership, he desperately needed a Nathan. Nathan came to point out failure, and by doing so helped David avoid ultimate failure. Since all leaders fail, all leaders will sooner or later need a Nathan as well! Read the full account in 2 Samuel 12 and reflect on three reasons Nathan was able to help David so effectively.

Nathan was courageous.

Confrontation of sin will always requires courage, but it was especially courageous for Nathan to point out sin in a king. If you live in a democratic society where everyone is eager to point out the flaws of leaders, you may easily overlook the courage required for Nathan to confront David. Israel was not a democracy; the King had absolute power. King David had already quietly murdered Bathsheba’s husband Uriah and then married his widow. Nathans’ confrontation took more courage than David facing Goliath in battle. His message was clearly not what the king wanted to hear but Nathan had the courage to do what was needed, not what was convenient. Many leaders are not even sure if they want to risk a friendship to confront sin; Nathan was willing to risk his life. He demonstrates that true servant leaders place the needs of others above their own comfort. They have the courage to confront.

Nathan was tough.

When it was time for truth, Nathan did not go around in circles; He went straight for David’s heart. “You are the man!” (2 Samuel 12:7). He went on to list clearly what David had done. “Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites” (2 Samuel 12:9). These were tough words. But they were true and exactly what David needed to hear. Servant leaders are willing to speak “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) even when it requires facing tough issues directly.

Nathan was wise.

Nathan didn’t approach David initially with a list of his sins! Instead he told a story of extreme injustice about a lamb taken from a poor man by a rich man. He allowed David to engage emotionally with the story until David’s anger was kindled. David used his leadership skill and pronounced judgment on the rich man. He had no idea that Nathan was about to use this story to reveal his sin. Nathan must have thought carefully about what would be the best way to approach David. He was aware of David’s heart for justice and created a relevant story that opened David’s heart to truth. Servant leaders recognize that confrontation can take many different forms for different persons in different contexts. They wisely seek God for the best approach with a desire to genuinely serve the person whom they are confronting.

God brought Nathan at just the right time to rescue a fallen leader. All leaders need a Nathan, but few accept them. Even fewer seek them out. It is much easier to find people who give us compliments and tell us how good we are. To David’s credit he allowed Nathan to speak into his life. He modeled the humility needed to accept truth, no matter how painful. God may call each of us to at some point to accept a Nathan into our lives or to be a Nathan to someone we love. In either case, servant leaders accept what is needed to walk in obedience. Do you have a Nathan? Do you allow a Nathan in your inner circle? Is God calling you to serve another leader in the role of a Nathan?

For further reflection and discussion:

• Is it more difficult for you to be a Nathan to another leader or to receive a Nathan in your own life? Reflect on any experience you have had in either role. What did you learn? What would you now do differently?
• Do you open your leadership to people who have the courage to speak directly into your life? Do you encourage people around you to be ‘yes’ people or to speak the truth in love? Who can you invite to this role? Think about an individual you respect, or an authority figure in your life. Talk to them about this and give them permission to be a Nathan to you!
• Are there tough words that you need to share with another leader? Ask God to purify your heart and motives and give you the courage you need to take this step. Reflect on how to do this wisely. Then be a Nathan and leave the results to God!

Confrontation is one of the most difficult and painful tasks of leadership and Paul didn’t like confrontation any better than we do. But when he recognized Peter’s hypocrisy Paul didn’t hold back. When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong (Galatians 2:11). Paul’s rebuke was both bold and humble and serves as a guide to all servant leaders of how to effectively confront when it is needed.

Boldness enables personal confrontation.

It took great courage for Paul to confront Peter. In the last issue we examined Peter who boldly confronted the religious leaders as the church was born. He was the spokesperson for the church and Paul was a latecomer to the leadership team. Paul did not have seniority or position over Peter. All these factors make Paul’s courage more remarkable. But he did it boldly and in this case, publically.

It takes courage to confront sin in another person’s life and many leaders shrink from this task. Some hope that the problem will go away with time or that someone else will do the difficult task of confrontation. Some cultures find it more difficult to confront especially when the confrontation is directed at someone in a higher position. But Paul’s boldness lay in his understanding of the issues involved and his genuine love for Peter. Peter’s hypocrisy threatened to destroy the power of the Gospel to break down barriers between Jews and Gentiles. It was a sin issue, not personal preference or opinion. Servant leaders can absorb personal insults and accusations, but when sin is involved they need courage to confront. However, they confront to bring change, nor for personal revenge or vindication. Paul was not trying to undermine Peter’s leadership or to take his position. It was not a personality fight or an attempt to make himself look good by making Peter look bad. Paul genuinely cared for Peter and wanted the best for him. Servant leaders love enough to speak out rather than ignoring the problem. They humbly desire the best for those they serve. When this calls for confrontation, they do so boldly.

Humility brings perspective to the confrontation.

Paul boldly confronted Peter but he did so with humility and love. His intent was to correct and build, not to destroy. Just a few chapters later Paul reminds all servant leaders, Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted (Galatians 6:1).Paul teaches servant leaders that the goal of confrontation is restoration and for that to happen it must be done gently. Servant leaders humbly recognize that even when they are called to confront, they themselves are far from perfect and acknowledge that they could easily be on the other end of the confrontation. Because they have experienced God’s grace, they invite others to receive His grace. Their goal is to restore not to destroy. This perspective radically alters both the content and spirit of the confrontation. If confrontation is done with the intent to prove the other person wrong, to vindicate oneself, to shame another, or instill fear in others, the outcome will not be redemptive. The spirit in which confrontation is done often determines the outcome.

Some leaders are bold and don’t fear confronting others. But they do it with arrogance and pride which almost always leads to conflict. Other leaders are so “humble” they never confront with courage. Again, no change happens. Servant leaders are called to confront boldly but with the perspective of humility. When both are present, there is great potential that the confrontation will bring a positive change of heart. But regardless of the outcome, servant leaders approach confrontation with bold humility.

For further reflection and discussion:

• In my leadership, do I more naturally confront wrong or avoid conflict? What is the result? What is God calling me to change?
• Reflect on the last time you confronted someone. Did you do it with a spirit of humility? (If not, you likely need to go back and repent!) Was the issue you confronted a sin or just a difference of opinion between you and that person?
• What current relationship in your leadership needs confrontation? What are the reasons you have not already confronted? What does Paul’s example teach you and what is the step you need to take this week?
• In what way is confrontation an expression of love? Does lack of love lead you to avoid confrontation or to do it with the wrong perspective?
• In what way does your culture influence confrontation? In what ways does Paul’s example speak specifically to your culture?
• In this example Paul’s rebuke was public. When is this needed and when is it best to confront privately?