Issue #199, January 25, 2017
Encouragement is always needed and usually greatly appreciated. But servant leaders also recognize that there is a time to confront. One of the best-known confrontations in scripture happened when God called the prophet Nathan to confront King David who had committed adultery and murder. Nathan first tells the king a story of a rich man who took advantage of a poor man and David instinctively reacted with anger towards the wicked action. Nathan responds “You are the man! Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.' Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, the son born to you will die" (2 Samuel 12:7-15, portions). Most of us will never need to confront a king, but Nathan’s example shows all servant leaders how to confront an employee, friend, or colleague.
When it’s time to confront do it carefully.
Nathan’s confrontation shows a lot of care. First, there was a clear wrong. In this case, God revealed to Nathan the wrong. Servant leaders choose the time to confront carefully making sure that there is an obvious wrong that needs correction. This may be a moral issue as it was with King David or it may be a wrong attitude or action. Secondly, Nathan’s use of a story showed that he had thought carefully about what to say to King David. His confrontation was not an impulsive reaction to a wrong. It was carefully planned to provide the best chance of success. No one enjoys being confronted. Servant leaders recognize that it is time to confront when there is a clear wrong. They confront as carefully as possible with a genuine desire to serve the one being confronted.
When it’s time to confront do it courageously.
Confronting a king was a quick way to hasten your own funeral! God’s command likely helped Nathan have courage, but I suspect that he knocked on the door with some degree of fear. Still, he confronted courageously. Many leaders realize that confrontation is needed but they don’t have the courage to act. They may fear the loss of the relationship or an inappropriate response. They may wait, hoping that the issue will be resolved without confrontation. But when it’s time to confront, servant leaders act courageously. They recognize that failure to act courageously never helps the other. Their love for the person who needs correction and their understanding of the reason God called them to leadership overcomes their fear.
When it’s time to confront do it constructively.
Nathan’s purpose in the confrontation was to bring King David to repentance. Thankfully, David did respond with a repentant heart although there were still enormous consequences to his sin. Nathan’s only purpose for confrontation was to help David. Servant leaders do not confront out of anger or a desire for revenge. They don’t confront to embarrass or shame. They know it’s time to confront when it will help the other person grow and develop. Their purpose is constructive and they serve by confronting.
Confrontation may be one of the most difficult and painful tasks of leadership. But servant leaders follow Nathan’s example and serve by confronting. When it’s time for you to confront, do it carefully, do it courageously, and do it constructively.
For further reflection and discussion:
- Reflect on the following scriptures which relate to confrontation. (2 Chronicles 26:16-19; Matthew 18:15-17; Galatians 2:11-14; 6:1; 1 Corinthians 5:1-5) Write down what you learn from these examples and instructions.
- What is my natural tendency when it comes to confrontation? Do I do it without careful thought? Do I have the courage to do it whenever needed? Do I do it for the good of that person?
- Reflect on a recent time you confronted someone, or when you should have. What did I do well? What could have been done better? How well did I follow the principles demonstrated by Nathan?
- Are there any relationships or situations currently which need confrontation? What is my plan of action?