Issue #129, May 14, 2014
Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear (James 1:19, The Message). We have looked at several aspects of what it means to lead with our ears, now we’ll focus on how servant leaders can become better listeners. Jesus instructed, “Therefore consider carefully how you listen” (Luke 8:18). How can servant leaders become better listeners? Here are six basic skills needed to LISTEN well.
Look at the person who is talking.
Make eye contact. As much as is culturally appropriate, don’t be afraid to look someone in the eye. Looking at a person communicates to the person that you value and are interested in what he/she is saying. Further, it helps us to focus on what is being said instead of being distracted with other things. When we don’t look at a person in the eye it indicates insecurity in ourselves or indifference to the other person.
Intend to understand.
As we saw in the last issue, hearing and listening are two very different things! Hearing is a reflex; listening is intentional. Servant leaders increase greatly in their capacity to listen by simply taking the mental step of intending to understand every conversation. This means we not only seek to understand the words that are spoken but we also want to listen with the intent to fully understand what the other person is seeking to communicate.
Summarize.
It is crucial in listening that we stop and repeat what has been said to ensure that we are hearing correctly. For example, after listening, you can summarize by saying, “I believe what you have said is ….” You may need to ask questions to clarify. For example, “Do I hear you saying…” or “Is this what you mean?” Servant leaders do not assume that they have understood; they make the effort to summarize to make sure.
Take time.
It takes time to listen, take it! Servant leaders recognize that this is not a waste of time but an investment of time and are willing to make it a priority. If this concept is new to you, start with a goal of listening to someone for 5 minutes. Ask questions where necessary to gain understanding, but refrain from speaking your own thoughts. You’ll be surprised at what you can learn in 5 minutes. Try it!
Encourage openness.
Communication involves exchanging thoughts and ideas and can be done at many different levels of transparency. Servant leaders recognize that the goal in listening is to maximize openness. They encourage this by listening with the intent to understand, not being judgmental, offering encouragement wherever possible, and being genuine and vulnerable themselves.
Notice body language.
The body often speaks louder than the mouth! Servant leaders learn to listen not only to words but also to what is being communicated through the other person’s body. Their body language may indicate nervousness or that they are in a hurry or distressed. Servant leaders “listen” to the way they are sitting or standing and what they are doing with their hands seeking to understand all that is communicated.
Listening is both an attitude of the heart and a skill that can be developed by anyone who is willing to put forth the effort to be a better listener. Servant leaders practice the advice of Job, “Listen carefully to my words; let your ears take in what I say” (Job 13:17). As they listen carefully, they learn to lead with their ears. Leaders who lead with their ears are always facing the right direction!
For further reflection and discussion:
In what way does my personality make it easier or more difficult to listen?
How well do I listen at home? In my workplace? To those in authority over me? To those under my leadership? To God? Reflect on any differences you see in these areas. What is God inviting you to do to more consistently listen in all spheres of your life?
Evaluate yourself in each of the skill areas mentioned in this issue. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being perfect, how well do you:
- _____ Look at the person who is talking
- _____ Intend to understand
- _____ Summarize.
- _____ Take time
- _____ Encourage openness
- _____ Notice body language
Reflect on your answers and develop a plan of action to improve in the areas which most need attention.