Issue #109, July 8, 2013
Paul has already listed 11 challenging items for Timothy to consider when looking at the quality of leaders. He is near to the end of his list and shifts his attention to something obviously close to his heart. “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)” (1 Timothy 3:4-5). Paul feels so strongly about the leader’s family life that he doesn’t just list the quality but provides an explanation of why it is so critical. Servant leaders recognize that their leadership in the public sphere is connected to their leadership at home.
The leader’s family is preparation for other leadership.
Paul recognizes that servant leadership is homegrown. It happens first in the close, daily relationships of family life. Both men and women learn to lead by first influencing those who are closest to them. Leading in the family prepares a leader to lead others. We learn what sacrificial and unconditional love is as we share life together in our homes. Parenting children allows us to develop the Father heart of God towards others. At home we are all most likely to allow sinful expressions of selfishness and pride to emerge. Servant leaders allow God to use these experiences to prepare them to lead others.
The leader’s family is a predictor of other leadership.
Paul implies that the way a leader functions at home is the best indicator of how he or she will function in other leadership roles. His simple statement offers an alternative to expensive personality tests designed to determine if someone will succeed as a leader. Paul’s principle is that if a leader rules with an iron hand at home, it is likely that the same will be true at the office. If a leader learns to serve and deny self at home, it will come naturally in other leadership roles. If a leader puts career ahead of family, he will call others to likewise give their best to an organization instead of family. Servant leaders are first identified at home.
Family leadership is a prerequisite for other leadership.
Paul speaks to church leaders and notes that if a leader cannot manage his own family, he cannot care for people at church. Faithful leadership at home is a requirement for successful leadership at work, in the community, at church or in a business. Tragically, many of us pay more attention to developing our leadership at work than at home. We measure our leadership success by how quickly we move up organizational ladders. Paul calls us to reexamine our priorities. Servant leaders make their leadership at home a priority.
Paul’s standard may seem unrealistically high and too narrow for modern society. Paul’s strong words about our families do not imply that if a child rebels we are quickly disqualified for leadership. But his concern about our leadership at home should cause each of us to pause and take a closer look at what is happening in our leadership at home.
The Bible is filled with examples of leaders who succeeded and failed at home. David is perhaps the clearest example of a leader who seemed to succeed at every endeavor except at home. He passionately loved and worshipped God and lead with a great heart and excellent leadership skills (Ps. 78:72). But his poor leadership at home tarnished his otherwise great record. His own moral failures began with Bathsheba and he lost one child through that tragedy. He allowed the rape of his daughter to go unchecked and as a result reaped the rebellion and death of his son Absalom, and the near loss of the kingdom.
Take a moment to reflect on the way you lead at home by answering the questions below.
For further reflection and discussion:
- In what ways has your leadership at home shaped the way you lead others? What leadership lessons have been most significant for you to learn at home?
- How would my family describe my leadership? Would they use words like loving, compassionate and strong or words like harsh, judgmental, and self-serving?
- Think of a recent, difficult situation at home. How did you lead your family through this situation? Did you express servant leadership or selfish leadership in this situation?
- What have you done recently to strengthen your leadership at home? Are you reading books, attending seminars, or talking with a mentor to improve your leadership at home?