Issue #35, July 7, 2010
Leaders use their tongue with great impact. Servant leaders recognize the power of their tongue to bring life or death to those who listen. Paul clearly identified one challenge facing all leaders, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ” (Eph. 4:15). He identifies the struggle between speaking what is true but saying it in love. What is required for a servant leader to speak the truth in love?
Speaking truth with love requires balance.
Paul’s instruction implies that as we speak, both truth and love are present in a balanced manner. Leaders often take one of two extremes. They might say, “I’m going to tell the truth no matter what you feel.” “Your performance was unacceptable!” They value truth over relationships. Or, they might go to the other extreme and withhold truth because it would be too painful for the relationship. “I can’t say what I really think, she will be hurt!” They value love over truth. Different cultures influence the direction leaders go on this. Some cultures typically prize truth over relationships while others go to such great lengths to honor relationships that speaking truth is compromised. Where truth is neglected, results suffer. Change and correction will not happen. On the other hand, when love is neglected relationships suffer. In the same way, personalities can also influence our natural tendency toward one or the other. But servant leaders find a balance. They love others and recall that the second greatest commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mt. 22:39) At the same time they recognize that Jesus not only spoke truth, He was truth. (Jn. 14:6) They recognize that this is not an either/or situation where one must prevail, but a both/and situation where the beauty of both are blended together.
Reflect: Is my speaking balanced between truth and love?
Speaking truth with love requires wisdom.
The aim of the servant leader is not simply to make a statement of truth, nor to keep a friend. Rather, the goal is to speak “according to their needs” (Eph. 4:29). If they need truth, speak it clearly! If the need is for love, offer it generously. When both are needed at the same time, offer a balance. The writer of Proverbs notes, “How good is a timely word” (Pr. 15:23). Wisdom in speech is knowing what to say, when to say it and how to say it.
Reflect: Does my speaking reflect Godly wisdom?
Speaking truth with love requires maturity.
Paul notes that when we learn to speak the truth in love we will “grow up.” Mature leadership is characterized by balanced speech that meets the need both for truth and love. Servant leaders demonstrate maturity when they choose their words carefully based not only on their own needs, but on the needs of the listener. They show maturity by humbly mixing truth and love. They demonstrate maturity by rising above their own personality or cultural preferences to deliberately speak like Jesus.
Reflect: Does my speaking reflect maturity?
We have all experienced the pain of seeing the negative impact of words not carefully chosen. May we also experience today the joy of knowing that we have spoken truth in love!
For further reflection and discussion:
- Does my cultural context value truth or love more highly? What is the result? In what ways has my leadership reflected this reality?
- Some personalities tend more towards pleasing people while others place a high value on truth. In what way does my personality influence my natural tendency to speak either truth or love?
- Reflect on a recent communication with a follower. Was it balanced? Was it wise? Did it show maturity? Are there things you would change? Is it still possible to correct what happened?