Issue #8, June 5, 2009
If you ask me about my leadership I will quickly start talking about the organizations I’ve led, the number of people I’ve trained or the good work I’m doing through my job. But servant leadership doesn’t start on the job, it begins at home. Paul instructed Titus that a leader should be “the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient” (Titus 1:6). Politicians openly assert that what happens in their private lives has no bearing on their effectiveness as leaders but Paul’s guideline makes it clear that for servant leaders what happens at home is critical. Why?
Leadership at home is preparation for public leadership.
Paul expects that before a leader exercises public influence his/her leadership at home with spouse and children should be proven. If you can’t influence those at home in a positive way, don’t try to change the rest of the world! Leadership begins at home. The Indians have a proverb, “First win the home, then win the world.”
At home, in the details of life, we learn to lead. We learn to communicate and share vision, to plan and organize, strategize and execute, equip and build teams, to negotiate and share. More than that, we develop character, the foundation of leadership, at home.
Nowhere is servant leadership more tested than at home. Servant leadership demands a surrender of personal rights and a focus on the needs of the other instead of self. This is difficult in public but nearly impossible at home without God’s help! At home, we take off our nice clothes and relax. As we do so we easily discard our good manners and people skills and begin to treat those closest to us in ways we would never do in public. It is impossible at home to hide who we really are. That’s why learning to be a servant leader at home prepares us for public leadership.
While leadership at home should be proven, this does not imply perfection, or none of us would qualify. Instead, servant leaders learn to apologize and ask forgiveness for their mistakes, first at home and then in public.
Leadership at home is validation for public leadership.
Not only does the home provide a learning environment for servant leadership, it also provides affirmation for our public leadership. Politicians may say that their private lives don’t count, but they make sure that when it is time for pictures, their family is smiling beside them. Why? They know a smiling family sends a powerful message about leadership. It says to the voters, “You can’t go wrong with this leader, look at the happy family!”
Paul recognized this as he challenged leaders 2000 years ago that their leadership at home confirms their ability to lead others. He understood that when a leaders’ family is in order, the leader gains credibility in public. Servant leaders who have learned to lead well at home don’t need to rely on fake smiles; they have genuine support from those who know them best. They stand with confidence and courage. When a sports team plays at home, they possess the ‘home field’ advantage. Servant leaders who have paid the price at home have the ‘home field’ advantage when they enter the public arena.
For further reflection and discussion:
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how would your family rate your leadership?
- Are the families under your leadership growing?
- What do you need to do at home to strengthen your leadership?
- Do you deliberately use your leadership to build families?
- In your business/church/organization, what policies have you implemented that help to strengthen families?