Issue #196, December 14, 2016
Leaders talk! But servant leaders acknowledge that there is a time to talk and a time to be silent. In the last issue we examined when it is time for a leader to speak up. Now, we’ll consider when it is time to shut up! Servant leaders know it’s time to shut up in at least three situations.
It’s time to shut up when we don’t have anything helpful to say.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29). Paul’s instruction is to say “only what is helpful.” Every word from a leader should contribute something positive to the needs of another. The implication is that when we don’t have anything of value to contribute, the best contribution is silence! Oh that more leaders would contribute silence to conversations! Obedience to this verse would immediately reduce the volume of words spoken. Servant leaders learn to pause before they speak and ask if what they are prepared to say will benefit the listener. They acknowledge that if they can’t contribute positively to a need or situation, it’s best to remain quiet.
It’s time to shut up when we should be listening.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19). James commands that we should be “quick to listen,” and “slow to speak.” Many leaders reverse the order. They talk quickly and only listen occasionally! Servant leaders recognize that it’s not possible to listen and talk at the same time. So they consciously seek to stop talking and listen to the other person. Listening to another person shows that we value them and what they think. Listening is an act of serving. Our listening skills would improve if we just stopped talking sometimes and focused on what another person is saying. Try this with your spouse or children! Servant leaders close their mouths when it is time to listen.
It’s time to shut up when we have talked too much.
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:19). To stop talking is difficult for leaders. They have a vision and want to move forward. They know what needs to happen and are quick to share this with others. But the writer of Proverbs warns that many words inevitably lead to sin. When leaders keep talking after they say all they know, they begin to share falsehoods and rumors. When they keep talking after they have good things to say about others, they begin to speak negatively about them. In addition, when a leader talks too much others cannot talk! This happens even if what the leaders is saying is good. Talking too much devalues others by not allowing their thoughts and opinions to be shared. Servant leaders do not focus on themselves, but on others. They show value to others by encouraging them to speak. They are willing to shut up so that others may speak. They carefully guard their tongue against speaking too many words.
All leaders use many words. But servant leaders know that there is a time to speak up but also time to shut up. They learn that there are times when the best thing they can do is keep their mouth shut. When it is that time, they serve others by keeping quiet!
For further reflection and discussion:
- Do I naturally talk too much or too little? What is the impact of this on my leadership?
- How much of my speaking is actually helpful to those who are listening?
- How well do I honor others by listening to them?
- In what situations do I tend to talk too much? What does this reveal about my heart? What is God inviting me to do to change?
- Are there persons to whom I need to apologize for the words I have spoken to them? When will I take this step?