Issue #148, February 4, 2015
David’s life is in so many ways, an example of a great leader. He was successful in national building and expansion. He united the kingdom and established Jerusalem as capital city and a focal point of worship and commerce for the nation. But the final chapters of his life paint a sad picture of the difficulty of leading at home, an area of vulnerability for many leaders. In 2 Samuel 13-20 we read the account of David’ son Amnon raping Tamar, then the murder of Amnon by another son, Absalom. For several years David grieves the loss of Amnon and is estranged from Absalom. When Absalom returns to Jerusalem, he leads an uprising against David, secretly recruiting some of his top officials and openly sleeping with David’s concubines as David flees the capital in disgrace. Absalom’s rebellion nearly cost David the kingdom and did cost him the painful death of a third son. Later, another son, Adonijah, also attempts to seize power. In public David seems to excel but at home his leadership is disastrous. All servant leaders should ponder David’s life and reflect on several leadership principles.
Leading at home is more difficult than public leadership.
David was a successful warrior and reproduced that in his public leadership. He faced the giant and won. He built a team around him at the palace. But David’s life reveals that while it is relatively easy to look good at the office or in front of people; it is much more difficult to lead well at home. Leading at home is more emotionally demanding than public leadership. At home, people know us more intimately. We love them more deeply and their successes and failures bring much greater joy or pain to our souls. At home, there is much less applause that strokes our ego. There are fewer short term wins and the process of change seems to be infinitely slow. So David, like many leaders, took the easier path and focused on being the leader of the nation instead of the head of his family. He built his team well in the office. His 30 mighty men and officials knew their tasks and were doing their job. At home, his sons had nothing to do! They had servants and plenty of time on their hands while their father was winning wars instead of training them to be warriors.
Leading at home is more descriptive of who we are than public leadership.
Because leading at home is more difficult than in public, it more fully represents who we really are. David was certainly a man after God’s own heart and a great warrior. But he was also a broken and flawed leader, as we all are. His personal weaknesses were more reflected in his sons than his leadership team. His own moral failure in sexual temptation led to disastrous consequences in his son’s lives. Leading at home pushes us further as leaders because the applause is diminished and the timetable for results is longer. It is easy to forget about setting goals at home and lose sight of the mission. The best representation of our leadership is not on our professional resume; rather, in the lives of our children.
Leading at home more is more determinative of our legacy than public leadership.
The city David built would be captured; the nation he shaped would split into two; but the sons he raised would carry his legacy to the birth of Christ. We often forget that most of our public achievements will be forgotten soon after we are gone, but the family we lead will continue. Leaving a legacy at home requires focus, attention, and strong leadership.
In the matter of leadership at home, I write as much to myself as you, sobered anew with the ease at which family can become my second priority. Let’s learn together from David and run home to lead.
For further reflection and discussion:
- Read the 7 chapters (2 Samuel 13-20) slowly and thoughtfully. What do you learn from David’s life about his leadership at home? What is God speaking to you personally about your own family?
- When you think about your leadership in your profession/vocation, do you think strategically and set goals? Do you do the same at home? Why or why not?
- Are there sins in your heart or character that will be passed on to your children? What needs to change?
- What is the relationship between parental responsibility to lead well and the choices made by children?