Issue #136, August 20, 2014
We have already recognized David’s skill as a shepherd, his heart as a faithful worshipper and his clarity of purpose in life. Yet, as an emerging leader David was alone. His family didn’t believe in him and only Samuel seemed to have a sense of what God was preparing to do with this young man. His triumph over Goliath brought some public recognition, but popularity is no substitute for friendship. David finally found a loyal friend who would walk with him through some of his most difficult leadership years.
After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt (1 Samuel 18:1-4).
Jonathan’s special friendship with David was a deep and powerful friendship. It was so strong that when Jonathan died in battle David composed a lament, How the mighty have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women (2 Samuel 1:25-26). This was a genuine friendship, much more than clicking ‘like’ on Facebook! All servant leaders can learn from David’s example how to choose friends that will help make a difficult journey possible.
Choose friends who share a common goal.
Jonathan and David became “one in spirit.” They were united by their common direction in life. There were many things that could have divided these two men. They were from different tribes. One came from the royal family, the other was a shepherd. There were surely some differences of opinion but something about David’s defeat of Goliath and his unwavering commitment to God’s purposes struck a deep chord in Jonathan’s heart and drew them together. They formed a relationship that was stronger than Jonathan’s blood relationship. Servant leaders carefully choose a few friends who are deeply committed to common goals. Their friendship reinforces these goals and brings out the best in both parties.
Choose friends who sacrifice self.
Jonathan “loved him [David] as himself.” He was the rightful heir to the throne of the land, yet he chose to sacrifice his own ambitions for the sake of his friendship with David. What a gift this friendship was to David! In many relationships, servant leaders are called to lead others by sacrificing self. So, they need friends around them who are willing to sacrifice self to bless the other. This provides strength for the servant leader to continue serving others selflessly.
Choose friends who honor their word.
Jonathan made a covenant with David, a binding agreement symbolized by his gift of his kingly robe and his own weapons. His actions were a powerful symbol that he would honor this friendship. So David was able to trust Jonathan even in life and death situations. Servant leaders look for friends who honor their words. They welcome even painful criticism from true friends.
David didn’t abandon his family or childhood friends. But he found in Jonathan a friend that would help him be a better leader. Servant leaders prayerfully seek one or two Jonathan’s in their lives. If you already have one, take a minute to express your thanks to them. If not, pause and ask God to show you who He has prepared to be this friend.
For further reflection and discussion:
- Take a moment to think about 3 or 4 of your closest friends. Evaluate your relationship with each of them in the following areas: sharing common goals, sacrifice of self, and honoring their words. In what ways has their friendship made you a better leader? How can you express your thanks to them?
- Reflect on your own friendship to others. In what ways are you a “Jonathan” to another leader? Are you willing to see him/her succeed even if you need to sacrifice? What are the common goals you share with him/her? Is that person able to count on your word without question? Have you verbalized your commitment to this relationship?