Issue #128, April 30, 2014
Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear (James 1:19, The Message). Leading with our ears sounds great, but leading with our tongue seems a lot more natural to most leaders. After all, our tongue is right at the front of our face and seems conveniently located for quick action! But when our mouth is open our ears are closed. Most of us find it difficult to listen well. Notice I didn’t say to hear well, but to listen well. I am often guilty of hearing what someone is saying to me but not listening at all! We say that the words went in one ear and out the other. When this happens it is probably evidence that there is little between my ears to interfere with the sound! Scripture is filled with examples of people who heard, but did not listen. For example, the people in Jeremiah’s day were at least honest when they said, “We will not listen to the message you have spoken to us in the name of the LORD!” (Jeremiah 44:16). Their hearing was perfect, they understood the words, but refused to listen. Listening implies taking appropriate action. Servant leaders make an effort to identify the barriers that keep them from listening well as they learn to lead with their ears.
Barrier One: Lack of value.
We don’t often place a premium value on listening. We tend to judge leaders more on the basis of their speaking skills than their listening skills. We have classes on how to speak, but seldom give attention to the art of listening. Why don’t we value listening? First, it seems to be a passive activity rather than an active one and we have learned to associate leadership with action. Servant leaders learn to value listening as an active skill. Secondly, we don’t value listening because it can be viewed as a sign of weakness. We tend to think that the strong person talks and communicates boldly; the person who listens is seen as weak. Servant leaders recognize this barrier and realize that keeping their mouths shut takes more strength than talking. They recognize the truth of the proverb, “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” (Proverbs 17:28).
Barrier Two: Lack of love.
Many times when I am not ready or willing to listen to someone it simply shows a lack of love for that person. I want others to listen to me and the stories I have to tell, but I don’t want to listen to the stories of others. My focus is on myself and my love is directed inward instead of outward. Talking normally focuses on my needs while listening focuses on your needs. Servant leaders acknowledge that their pride often gets in the way of listening. They see this as a heart issue and when they find it difficult to listen, cry out to God and ask Him to give them a genuine love for others.
Barrier Three: Lack of skill.
Another barrier to effective listening is a lack of skill. Many people are not good listeners simply because they have not learned the skills required. Samuel, as a young boy, had not yet learned to listen to God and it took some coaching by Eli to help him learn how to listen. When he learned, he became one of Israel’s greatest leaders. His story is an encouragement to each of us as leaders that we can grow in our ability to listen to God and others. The first two barriers are actually more difficult than this one because they are issues of the heart. However, servant leaders continually work to increase their skill of listening and in our next issue we’ll look at some practical ways to do this.
For further reflection and discussion:
- Think about a time recently when you did not listen well. Reflect on the three barriers mentioned in this issue: lack of value, love, and skill. Which one of these was most instrumental in your failure to listen well? What is God speaking to you about yourself as you reflect on this?
- To what extent would others say that you value listening? (If you really want to know, ask your spouse, a good friend, and your children for their response!)
- In what way can I express love today by listening? (Think of someone you have not often listened to, then actively listen.) Afterwards, reflect on the following questions. What happened to me when I listened? How did listening impact my relationship with that person?