Issue #99, February 11, 2013
After the general quality “above reproach” Paul quickly focuses his checklist on an area that deeply impacts all servant leaders who are called to be, “the husband of but one wife” (1Timothy 3:2) At first glance most of us who are married would go ahead and mark this requirement as complete. Those who are single easily read on to the next item on the list. Women assume this is irrelevant. But let’s dig a bit deeper. Paul is certainly calling leaders to avoid polygamy, but this quality assurance means far more than possessing a single marriage certificate. Further, his instruction does not limit leadership to those who are married or he would disqualify himself. Instead Paul is calling all leaders to honor God’s standards of marriage and purity. How can we practice this?
Leaders of purity honor covenants.
Marriage is a covenant relationship, a binding agreement between two parties accompanied by solemn vows. Many leaders seek to separate their personal relationship with their spouse from their leadership. They argue that what happens at home has no impact on their leadership. Servant leaders recognize that honoring their promises reflects strong character which begins with the marriage covenant.
It was common in Paul’s day for men to have several wives (polygamy) or successive wives (divorce and remarriage). Both violate the covenant plan of God. Paul asserts that God’s plan is for one man and one woman to remain together for life and calls leaders to honor that standard. He calls men to be a “one woman man.”
Honoring the marriage covenant goes beyond simply remaining together. Some remain married but have long ago left their spouse emotionally. Servant leaders honor other parts of that covenant such as “to love and cherish” the other. They refuse to allow careers, ministry, sports or hobbies to keep them from building a solid relationship with their spouse.
Leaders of purity honor morality.
Paul was writing in the context of a culture where immorality was accepted as normal. His call is for leaders to remain sexually pure both in thought and deed. Servant leaders carefully guard their eyes and thoughts in this area. They seek accountability from other godly leaders to help them in this area realizing that all will be tempted to compromise and many have done so.
Leaders of purity honor relationships.
Finally, Paul’s challenge is for each of us to examine the way we relate to members of the opposite sex. It is not enough to remain married to one person; it also matters how we relate to others at our place of work, in the market place, in church and in social settings. Because of their commitment to be a “one woman man” servant leaders are diligent to create boundaries that guard relationships with the opposite sex so that they avoid even the appearance of evil.
Boaz was a biblical leader who modeled what it means to be a “one woman man.” He waited patiently for God’s timing for marriage. He showed honor to Ruth when she gleaned in his field and protected her from the advances of other men with no thought of marriage at that point. Later, he followed the path of honor as he took Ruth to be his wife. Together they became the great grandparents of King David. Boaz passed the quality assurance checklist as “the husband of but one wife” and provides a model for each of us to follow. Take a moment to ask yourself if you are a ‘one woman man’ or a ‘one man woman’ by reflecting on the questions below.
For further reflection and discussion:
- Is the way I relate to my spouse a reflection of God’s intent for marriage?
- If I am not married, have I recognized the implications of God’s plan for covenant relationships and I am living in a way that honors that plan?
- Have I allowed other good things to come before my covenant relationship with my spouse? What needs to change?
- Do I have clear boundaries for the way I relate to members of the opposite sex?
- Have I recently been in any situations which could have led to compromise or the appearance of wrong doing in relationships with the opposite sex?
- Am I walking in relationship with others who can hold me accountable?
- In what ways do I need the grace and forgiveness of God in this area? If I have been strong am I tempted to be judgmental of those who are weak?